Post Partum Depression.
It's the little talked about side effect of birth that no one wants to acknowledge. Society wants you to believe you're a terrible, unworthy mother if you experience it. You should be happy, excited; yes, maybe a little worn out--but you're got this baby! This wonderful baby you prayed into existence! How dare you have depression and anxiety. Rejoice! Be happy! No one wants to hear about anything other than perfection and happiness. No one wants real.
For some of us, it's situational. For others, purely hormonal/chemical. For another set of us, it's both. Either way, it's not something you necessarily have control over. What you do have control over is how you handle it. It can be an immediate feeling, or a gradual realization that something isn't right. Sometimes it's just a cluster storm of factors, or maybe you were handling everything great until that one last little thing hit you. Some react by denying it, others face it head on. Either way, there's usually guilt and shame. You feel like you're fighting a losing battle, and if you've never experienced it before, you feel like you're losing your ever loving mind. Actually, you might feel that way even if you have experienced it before. If this isn't your first child, you start telling yourself you should have this figured out by now.
I know you can't remember the last time you brushed your teeth. You're still wearing yesterday's clothes that you slept in last night. Your dirty hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail. I know it's hard to smile at your giggling baby, and I know it's exhausting to cheer your older children. You feel like a combat soldier waiting for the next bomb to drop. People keep telling you it will get better, it does get easier, and all you can think is, "WHEN???" You start feeling like a failure as a mom.
The well meaning will tell you to rest when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, do laundry when the baby does laundry. Wait, what? Take time for yourself! Take a bath, go to bed early, leave the baby with a family member! Don't forget to shower and eat well! Get those eight hours of sleep! You need a weekend getaway!
The well meaning aren't always practical. Perhaps you work outside the home, or attend online classes, or have other children and tasks and chores and commitments to keep up with. Then there's the baby--who won't sleep through the night, won't stick to a schedule, won't sleep anywhere but in your arms, doesn't want to be anywhere but your arms even when he's awake. Some advice is just not realistic.
So, let's talk about it. Let's take the shame out of it. Let's take the guilt out of it. Let's normalize the issue and take the stigma out of it. Let's talk about it in our bible studies, our moms groups, our churches, our playgroups. Let's be real. Let's save lives by letting each other know we aren't alone. Let's stop hiding.
You're not a bad mom. You are anything but a failure. You're--*GASP*--normal. I know you love your child. You are doing the best you can. Just as every pregnancy is different, every labor and birth are different, so is each postpartum experience. You are not made from a cookie cutter mold. God made you as an individual. Please stop comparing yourself to the Jones' down the street. Guess what? They're not perfect either.
It's okay to not be okay.
