A Funny Little Story: Full Circle

We sincerely love Elijah.  Not a day goes by he does not endear himself to us, as well as to those on social media.  He's the sweetest duck, the funniest duck, and the best all around duck.  We might be just a bit smitten.  Well, except maybe the cats or Lilly when he chases their tails.  Or Noah, but he's a teenager, so it takes a lot to impress him...

Elijah has also proven he is most definitely a spoiled house duck--certainly not created for outdoor living! I'm not kidding.  Avery usually has to snuggle him up in a blanket or a towel, fresh from the dryer, in order to dry him off faster, and warm him up faster.  Again, I'm not kidding. When the boys return to the house to dry off after water play, and he's left outdoors alone to dry off, we frequently hear, "dink dink dink" on the glass door, and there's Elijah, tapping on the door with his beak to be let it. We open the door, and His Majesty walks right in the house.  He loves his belly rubs, and he receives more foot rubs than I do, too.

Elijah also knows his way around the kitchen, and knows who is the easiest to sucker into the best treats (Hi, Mom! Although, Dad is also pretty fun with food!).  I have heard Shawn mutter on occasion, "You know, when most people say they have spoiled duck in their kitchen, THIS IS NOT what they mean!"  Have I mentioned what a saint my husband is?

This duck also rides around in style in his own stroller, now (Shawn wishes I were kidding....).  Both Elijah and Avery enjoy the freedom of being able to leave the yard together, and Avery is hoping to test the stroller and a few store rules.

A few weeks ago, I was reminded of being around Avery's age and desperately trying to convince my parents to let me have a duck.  I'd actually forgotten about it.  I told Avery about it, but not what I know now as an adult about the psychology behind it.

I had it all planned out in my head, and if I remember correctly, I even drew it out on paper.  We had a rather large yard, but also a rather maniacal dog, so my plans included a fenced in area for my duck (a mallard!), and a kiddy pool for him.  My mother's answer was an unequivocal, "NO."  But, I was determined.  I was no doubt honing the skills I use on Shawn now (haha), so I'm certain I did not give up (I was also a bit of an obsessive child)!  I could take care of this duck (never mind Virginia winters, or that he would need a companion, or anything that I know now--I was a very naive child), I wanted this duck.  I have no idea how long I hounded my parents.  I'm sure to them it was forever!!  In the end, the answer was still--NO.

It's so funny to me how it's come full circle, and I now have a mallard duck--living in my home, a full fledged family member!  God answers prayers.... It might take 32 years, but He answers them!

Knowing what I do now as an adult, I know I was searching for a way to try to connect with my father, who collected wood carvings of ducks, and I thought--as a child--liked ducks.  If I had a live one, I could actually connect with an emotionally absent father, right?  He would love me, and pay attention to me, right?

Avery loved that story, and will frequently tell me he's sharing Elijah with me, because, "Mom, you didn't get to have a duck when you were a kid."

Now, this sweet little duck is a way for me to connect with my son.

He's not just a duck.

Elijah is therapy.  He is couples therapy.  He is individual therapy.  He is family therapy.

Elijah is love.

Elijah is all of that and more.

Check on Each Other

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

 1-800-273-TALK [8255]

Chester Bennington, Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams and so many others had it all: Fame, fortune, family, money, accolades and awards.  They were loved by millions.  Adored by fans. Their movies, music, products, and shows were bought, watched, listened to and worn.  These people were envied.  

You know what they also had?  Something they shared with me.  Something they shared with tens of millions of us.  Something far beyond their control.  Something kids and adults in the every day world don't receive the kind attention these celebrities achieved for their suicides.

They had addictions.  They had depression.  They had anxiety.  They had demons.  Perhaps they were bullied.  They had mental illness.  They felt alone in crowded rooms, but played everyone's best friend.  Their neurotransmitters and neurons were misfiring just like mine do.  Perhaps like yours do, or your loved one's do.  Our minds are clouded, decision making is poor.  

We do not think well of others, not even our dearest family and friends.  

We decide they would be better off without us.

Their family members go through hell.  They're left with questions, not answers.  

And there are millions out there, just like them, watching the news, watching social media, watching all of this play out, suffering even worse. There are are millions who are wincing in pain in silence.  Inside, they are crying out in pain, waiting for someone to notice them, waiting for help, not knowing how to ask, dying inside.  They see the attention suicide receives....

Loves, please listen to me.  Check on your friends.  Check on your children.  Check on yourself.  Don't go it alone.  Don't allow your friends to go it alone.

I know the lies the enemy tells you.  I know deep the pit is, and how it pulls you down.  I know how anxiety frays your nerves, so you jump at every little sound.  I know the only thing you want to do is sleep.  I know how it can freeze you in place.  I know the temptation of suicide.  I know the release that drugs and alcohol give.  I know the quiet and relief that cutting and burning bring.  It's like a sigh from deep inside of you that just releases everything you're holding in.  It tells you everything is going to be okay.

Loves, I want to also tell you--there is a sweeter, permanent release Jesus brings.  I want to tell you, but I do not want to preach at you, so I will leave it at that.  

I will never stop shouting your worth.  I will never stop shouting the good that you are, and the good that you deserve.  I will never stop shouting that it is okay to take care of yourself.  I will never stop shouting that you are enough.  I will never stop shouting that the earth needs you, and there is a place for you here.  

Please, don't give up.  Find a reason to cling to.  Live minute by minute.  Don't even take it day by day.  Just minute by minute.  Find a reason.  Find that person who recognizes your struggle.  Hold on.  Please.  You are needed.  

And for those of you who have already survived, and know it's a day to day process, please live out your testimony for those who need to hear it.  There are others who need to hear it's going to be okay.  

We need to end suicide.