Kids Don't Come With Instructions

These days, everything comes with some sort of how-to manual or instructions.  From shampoo and mouthwash to cars and kitchen appliances, we are told exactly how to use the product.  Me, I appreciate those clear, concise directions.  I research things to death and when I finally make my purchase, I usually peruse the instruction manual.  Unless it's shampoo or mouthwash.

Well, if you're a parent, you already know what I learned almost 11 years ago:  Children don't come with instructions.  Trust me, when Noah arrived on the scene, I looked high and low for that darn booklet, but it was nowhere to be found.  Sure, plenty of self-appointed experts have written books concentrating on how to raise a great kid in three days, but there are no hard and fast rules that apply to childrearing in general, other than the obvious safety issues, and dos and don'ts.

I've also found there aren't really any books on raising children on the autism spectrum.  There are tons of books about autism, about parents who have survived raising children with autism and other various topics concerning autism.  Again though, no hard and fast rules.  

Not only is Noah on the autism spectrum, he is smack dab in the middle of the childhood spectrum.  In other words, no two children are alike.  What works great for one kid might not work so well for the next one.   Noah has seemed to bunk the system from day one.  He fits the typical child mold, but he is "Aspy enough" that he doesn't.  He fits the typical Asperger mold (if there is such a thing), but he's "neurotypical enough" that he doesn't.  Yes, I know that's confusing.  I suppose what I'm saying is there really aren't any how-to books for Noah.   I devoured various pregnancy books while I was pregnant, and over the years since then, I've continued to read just about anything I can get my hands on that will not only explain my son to me, but tell me what to do with him and how to raise him.  I have yet to find any such book.

Shawn and I were not prepared for life with Noah, and truth be told, we weren't even sure we really wanted to be parents yet when we found out we were pregnant.  It's been a long, hard road and we've made mistake after mistake.  I know some parents jokingly refer to their first child as the practice child, or the experimental child.  That's kind of what life with Noah is like:  One gigantic experiment after another.  I pray for the day we finally get something right.

I like to be in control, which I suppose is one reason I like instruction manuals.  Knowledge is power, right?  I'm not a power-trip type, but I do like to know what is going on.  As Noah's mom, I feel anything but in control.  I don't like unknowns, I don't like feeling out of control and I have a plan for everything.  I will tell you right now (again, if you're a parent, you already know this):  Nothing in childrearing goes according to plan.  In our house, about the only things we can really plan on are public meltdowns, daily arguments and tantrums.  And that's just me.   

None of this was part of my life plan when I started out.   When I started out working with children on the spectrum, it never really occurred to me that I was being prepared to have one of my own. There are days I thoroughly resist it (I think the "it" there would be God's plan....), but I am desperate to learn how to handle it, to not just survive it, but to succeed with it.  I am desperate for all of us to come through this whole and intact, maybe writing a "we survived it and lived to tell about it" book ourselves.

I want Noah to come through this knowing that I have always done everything in my power to help him.   I want him to come through this knowing he is loved and respected.  I want him to come through this and be successful.

Then there are the days, like today, that I pray we just come through this, period.