Summer Without Focalin

Back in January at Noah's well check, our pediatrician became concerned when she realized Noah's growth has slowed tremendously, even a little dangerously, since starting Focalin two years ago (Focalin is a medication Noah takes for ADHD symptoms).  This is a typical side effect of the medication, and one I was worried about when he started it.  Noah was already on the 'pretty skinny' side, and I didn't feel as though he had much growth to sacrifice to the medication.

We really had a tough time deciding to put Noah on medication, but it became very evident that he was not going to survive his school career (or life, for that matter) if we didn't do something.  We fought the decision for quite a while, and it was one of the contributing factors in our delay in having him diagnosed.  If we weren't going to medicate our son, why did we need a diagnosis?  This goes in the "Who says parenting is easy?" category.  

We went from "We'll NEVER medicate our child!  Only bad parents do that!" to having our child on three medications--an anti-depressant for anxiety/OCD/depression symptoms, and two medications for ADHD.  The differences we've been able to see in Noah have been amazing.  I hate that my child is on so many medications, but as a friend pointed out, if Noah were diabetic, or asthmatic (as Avery is), I wouldn't give necessary medications a second thought.  My son deserves to be able to function, he deserves to be able to concentrate, he deserves to be the best he can be.  And it just so happens that medication helps with that.

But now we've run into the "My son also deserves to grow" issue.  He's behind his peers in growth, and seldom has an appetite.  He knows he's short, he knows he's skinny.  It's hurting his self esteem.  Therein lies the problem:  Which does he deserve more, to grow or to be able to function?  Why does it have to be one or the other?

Unmedicated, Noah has walked into oncoming traffic.  He does not see danger, or comprehend consequences for his actions.  He cannot think through problems or process the next step.  His organization suffers even more than usual (I keep hoping that maybe some day something good will come out of his OCD, but so far, his room is still a mess!), he can't complete tasks, and he literally has almost no self control.  Without medication, Noah is impulsive, constantly moving, and nothing settles him.  He is a bull in a china shop, knocking over the entire cookie display at Wegmans.

All of that sounds like a mom just making excuses for her ill-behaved child, doesn't it?

I'm not making excuses, I've lived it.  I've watched him to try to sit still, try to keep quiet, try to be "a good boy," and he can't.  It's painful.

However, per our pediatrician's recommendation, and with the blessing of Noah's psychiatrist, we are trying the summer without any Focalin.  We are hoping Noah will grow, even if it's just a little.  We are stuffing him full of whole milk and anything else we can get into him. He's taking protein supplements, and most days, I'm not even watching the fat content of what he eats.  This goes in the "It makes me feel even more like the World's Worst Mother" category.

Along with getting Noah to grow, we're also hoping he will learn, as much as he can, some responsibility and self control himself.  I don't want him medicated for life, and there are some things he just needs to learn to do on his own.  I want him to see that he IS capable of these things, and to have some pride in himself.

So far, I feel like we're surviving.  Yesterday he paced so much and his mouth moved so fast I thought my head would be spin.  Even with sending him outside at regular intervals, he still has energy to burn.  Even when I allow him some computer time  (so I can have a break!), the poor kid still can't settle himself.  Keeping Noah occupied is a full time job!  I will say this--I am seeing some maturity since we started the Focalin almost 2 years ago.  There are things he's able to do now that he could never have done then, and I'm proud of him for that.

I think pulling him off the medication for the summer will be good for all of us (ask me that question again next week....)--us being able to see what he can do, and him being able to see it in himself, also.