Truthful Tuesday... The Motherhood Version

1. I despise whining.  I really, really hate it.  It makes me clench my teeth, and my head spin.

2.  I love my kids all the time, every day, every hour--they are my chosen 'career' choice, if you will, and I don't regret it.  However, there are times I don't like them very much and I begin to think about running away to a hippie colony in CA, and calling myself Lavender Sunshine Moonbeam.  In fact, as a mom, I've dreamt of running away more often than I ever did as a child.  One night I almost did, but I couldn't find my other shoe.  Thankfully, we laugh about that now ("Hey Mom, remember that time you accused Dad of stealing your shoe so you couldn't run away?")....  Nothing, and I do mean nothing, in life, has frustrated me more than being a mom.  But, nothing else in life has rewarded me as much as motherhood, either.

3.  Avery is a non-stop talker.  From the second he's up, to literally falling asleep mid-sentence when we put him to bed.  He's also recently begun talking in his sleep.  There are days I can handle it, days it makes my head spin, and other days I just cry.

4.  This time last year, I was hoping to be pregnant with Child #3 by now.  Truthfully, we haven't even tried yet.  We've talked about it plenty, but we're both on the fence; my health, and raising the two we already have, continue to be huge issues.

5. Six and a half days out of seven, I suck at motherhood.  I fail miserably.  I keep hoping the few times I get it right will make up for all the other times I get it so terribly wrong.

6.  Knowing that we had no control over the age difference between Avery and Noah, I still believe that if we'd been able to have Avery sooner, we might have noticed and acted upon Noah's differences earlier.  There is a lot of guilt for not recognizing everything with Noah earlier than we did, and we often wonder how much we contributed to his difficulties.

7.  My kids are the reason I started teaching myself how to bake and cook properly.  I wanted better, healthier alternatives for them (and they still prefer corn dogs and chicken nuggets...).

8.  I've learned more from Noah than I could ever hope to teach him.  He's an amazing kid.

9.  Sometimes I have panic attacks when I stop to think about everything I'm trying to teach Noah that he isn't quite 'getting.'  We actually kind of hit a wall a few weeks ago, as parents, worrying about his future, and wondering what kind of provisions we need to make for him as an adult.  Noah is perfectly capable of many great things, but sometimes the drive just isn't there.

10.  My kids are dorks, but they're my dorks.  And I strive every day to be the kind of mom they deserve.  They're pretty awesome, and they deserve awesome in return.  There are more days than I care to count when we all miss the mark horribly.

11.  I really do believe it takes a village to raise children.  I tried doing it by myself with Noah his first few years, and not only did I really mess up, but I nearly broke both of us.  I'm always grateful for our good friends, teachers, professionals, and everyone else we've been provided with.  I can't do it without them.  With Noah, I couldn't quite grasp the concept of handing my child over to someone else: "This is my crying baby to deal with."  With Avery: "Sure!  You want him?  Here he is!"

12.  Noah likes having his ear lobe rubbed, and his cheek caressed ("Counterclockwise, Mom!").  Those are my love languages with him.  He will often plop himself beside me, and place my hand on his cheek or ear lobe.  Sometimes, if we're in public and he starts getting antsy, I'll reach over and start rubbing his ear lobe.  His instant reaction always makes me laugh.  With Avery, we sniff ears (another story for another time), and squeeze each other's hands when we're holding them.

13.  I'm a Type A-er, I have OCD, I plan everything to a T, and I have serious control issues.  I learned right off the bat, beginning with Noah's conception, that none of that works in motherhood.  It wasn't until Avery that I finally figured out how to loosen up a bit more though.  With Avery, I've also learned to learn more, if that makes sense--I've relaxed (but only a little...), learned how to take advice, and learned how to follow my child's lead, rather than trying to make them fit my molds of how/who/what they should be.

14.  My kids have chores.  Yes, even Avery.  Why?  Because I want them to learn how to be responsible adults who can take care of themselves.

Ugh

So many of my posts recently have been rather heavy.  There are updates and revelations I need to share, but I thought I'd share my yesterday with you today (just because it's less of an emotional toll on me!). I figure y'all could probably use a good laugh.

Yesterday began at 5:30 with the house alarm suddenly realizing it hasn't been connected to a house phone for the past 6 days.  Shawn and I recognized the different sound of the alarm (as opposed to the usual blaring that occurs when Avery pushes the Panic button), and were a bit slow to respond.  Captain Panic--I mean, Noah, was faster than us, reaching the key pad first, and immediately began yelling, "THERE'S TROUBLE!  THE PERIMETER HAS BEEN BREACHED," upon noticing the 'trouble' light was lit up bright red. No son, that's not how it works.  Naturally, Avery fed off Noah's overreaction, and began yelling about the trouble, begging us to protect him.

And my day began.  Because 5:30 is a perfectly acceptable time for my children to be wide awake and begin their day.  Sigh.

I won't bore you with all the little things in between the alarm and what happened 12 hours later while I was cooking dinner--for example, the trip to the neuropsychiatrist's office, where my children made it obvious we belong there, or having to literally shove my children in between two cars in a parking lot to avoid being hit by the woman backing out while smoking her cigarette, texting, and drinking her coffee....  I'll warn you though--the barista at Starbucks gives you a really weird look when you ask if she can add a shot of vodka to your shot of espresso.

Instead, I'll just finish up with this last story.

I was cooking dinner in the kitchen (okay, not sure well else I'd be cooking dinner, but you know, given the day I had....) when Avery came in and threw up.  As I was yelling at him to run to the bathroom while I shoved the nearest pot under his mouth, it did not yet occur to me that he was turning from beet red to blue.  Yup.  Up the hallway we ran, while he continued to throw up, and I realized--choke.  And what should come up with the final heave?  A QUARTER.  The very same quarter I'd taken away from him less than five minutes before he appeared in the kitchen.

Later, Shawn and I were talking with Avery about what we put in our mouths and what we don't.  I asked him, "So are you going to put anything other than food, milk, juice or water in your mouth ever again?"  PAUSE.  God help me, the dear child had to think about it.