What Would Your Sign Say?

Last week in church, the message was about modern day miracles--God still does them.  Our pastor did something remarkable, dedicating the majority of the message to providing proof.  As the praise and worship team sang, close to 30 people came out, one at a time, holding cardboards signs.  On one side of their signs were their struggles:  teenage pregnancy, drug and alcohol addictions, financial struggles, jail time, miscarriages, troubled marriages, health crises, suicide attempts, homelessness and  joblessness--the list went on.  On the flip side of their signs were their testimonies: redeemed, beloved, saved, forgiven, miracle pregnancies and resolved health diagnoses, revitalized marriages, loved and accepted without judgement.

It was beautiful, heart-wrenching, and tear jerking.  It as amazing, awesome, and moving.

Later, I spoke with Noah about it, asking him if he understood how much courage it took for those men, women, and teenagers to get up there and share their stories.  We also talked about how important it is to share our stories and testimonies when we are given them.  How else will others know to have hope, that there is hope?  I also want my children to grow up understanding that everyone has a story, and it may not always be visible, or immediately apparent--so we can't, shouldn't, judge others.

This has also started the wheels turning in my own head:  What would MY sign say?  Beginning years ago, much of my testimony has centered around a rescued marriage, a child who wasn't supposed to be, acceptance of my health limitations, and the healing that came with accepting Christ.  I suppose the front of my sign would say, "Sick.  Lost.  Angry.  Bitter.  Ugly."  The flip side would be, "Healed.  Loved.  Saved.  Beautiful."

Life has thrown some curveballs, and I've not really known how to adjust to them.  Alright, so I know the answer to that one, so possibly it's more that I don't want to.  Instead, I have chosen to resort to my angry, bitter, ugly ways.  I have openly rejected much of my life outside this house, outside my immediate family and friends.  Having been rejected by people outside these four walls, having been so deeply hurt by people who are 'supposed' to love me and be a part of my life, I have not wanted to feel warm and fuzzy and Christ-filled.  I have told myself that cutting myself off from certain people, drama, and parts of life is simply self-preservation.  My children and husband need me to be sane, healthy, and emotionally present for them.  I am unable to do that if I am constantly having to field drama that is not mine, or unhealthy, toxic relationships, even when those relationships are family.  I need to move on.  Yes, there is some truth to that.  Distancing myself has been healthy in some respects, but sometimes, that drama is like a drug.  It still has the ability, the potential to draw me in and turn my life on its arss.  That is the unhealthy part: the part that allows me to hang on to my anger and bitterness, rather than completely severing it as I work to separate myself from the cause.

So, what would my sign say now, if I were able to send these strongholds where they belong?  Perhaps the first side would again testify to my anger and bitterness: "Rejected. Angry.  Bitter.  Ugly.  Judgmental.  Cold."  And the second side?  "Forgiving.  Loving.  Beautiful.  Warm.  Content."

What would your sign say?  Pray for me, dear friends, and I shall pray for you.