With a Little Help from My Friends

I recently made the decision to change primary care doctors.  There are a variety of reasons for the necessary change, but I won't get into that.

When I mentioned this to a few of my very good friends, they each sat me down, separately, and said, "While you're there...." and talked to me gently about my worsening depression.

If you've ever had to do that for a friend, you know it's not an easy thing to do.  You don't know how your friend is going to react; the conversation could go one of many ways.

The thing was, I knew they were right.  I needed to do something.  It's not fair to my kids or my husband, and it's not healthy for any of us.  I know I have a strong personal history of depressive and anxiety disorders, but I really wanted to just deny this.  If I ignored it, maybe it would just go away on its own.  Depression doesn't necessarily work that way, especially when it's more of a chemical imbalance rather than situational.

I knew I needed to do something.  I did ask my new doctor about medication, and we decided on one to try.  I've had undesirable side effects from these medications before, which have often made things worse, but I'm comfortable with the decision I made, and I think we found one that meets my needs.  I'm glad my friends had that talk with me, and I'm glad I had that talk with my doctor.  I've been on it for a little over a week, and I'm hopeful that it's already working.  Even though I did lose it in church two weeks ago, I'm not crying at the drop of a hat like I was before.  Words like baby, pregnancy, infertility, and so on, still tend to set me off--so obviously we've gotten to the biggest issue at hand. I am hopeful that it will continue to work this well, and even better, in the coming weeks.

If you have a friend or loved one who you suspect is suffering, please speak up.  Do so with love, and speak life.  Please don't condescend, please don't judge.  Be gentle, and offer support.  Many times, we really don't know how to ask for help, or what kind of support we might need though.  We are so overwhelmed just doing daily tasks, that having to decide to ask for help, or what kind to ask for, is even more mind boggling.

I am blessed by these dear women, and so grateful for them.  I am so lucky to have them in my life, and I love them for taking that risk in talking with me.  They spoke with love, and in doing so, offered hope and life.

Reprinted with Permission

To give you a bit of background: The grief ministry I've been involved with for almost 9 years is receiving a new property on which to build, and we had to petition the county zoning board in order to do so.  We are in desperate need of this new home for our ministry, as we are outgrowing our current rental.  I spoke to the zoning board last month, testifying to the necessity of this ministry, as did several other volunteers, board members and staff.  Our petition was carried over to this month, and last week, Shawn and Noah spoke on behalf of our cause, along with several more volunteers.  As a mom, and a wife, I can't think of a time when I've been more proud.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude, love and pride.  Noah did so well; he wrote this by himself (I made a few changes here for privacy concerns), and read it, clearly, while making eye contact with at least 10 complete strangers, and possibly 30 more sitting in the gallery behind him.  I can't tell you how much of a big deal this was for him!  As we left, several people we did not know got up to shake his hand and tell him he did a good job.  As a mom, that is just so meaningful to me!  He was amazing.

*Our ministry did receive the county's approval for our new home!!

Naturally, I did take a photo (and video!): 

Hi, My name is Noah Furr.  I am 13 years old, an upcoming 8^th grader in middle school, where I am an honors student, and I am a lifelong resident of this county.  I volunteered with this grief ministry for a year while I was in 4^th and 5^th grades.

My parents began homeschooling me in 4^th grade when I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.   I started going to the center on Thursdays to help my mom with the Care Café, now known as Coffee and Conversation.  My social skills therapist had me working on building people files at the time, and this was a good place to do so.  An example of a people file is remembering what a person talks about, such as a pet, a child, a spouse, a job, or a life event, and asking about it the next time I see that person.  The purpose of building my people files is so I can carry on conversations, and remember to be courteous of others.  While I volunteered at the center, I worked with Chaplain L, and Miss S, and met people like Miss R and Miss  C.  I helped my mom serve coffee, tea and light snacks, and I also did some office work.

Two years ago my favorite dog, Gretta, died.  She was the best dog ever, and my best friend.  I didn’t know how to handle the grief and the anger I felt, and I wanted to know why this was happening to me.  It was the first time I had experienced real anger, and I even shoved my mom’s cat off the counter, screaming that it should’ve been her instead of my dog.  My parents and counselor helped me with my anger so I could express it in healthy ways, but it was Miss S and her Pet Loss Support Group at the center that really helped me through.  I was able to talk about Gretta and share stories and her pictures with other animal lovers who understood me and what I was going through.   I was able to learn how to mourn Gretta without being angry.

This ministry has played a big role in my life, showing me the way when there appear to be no apparent ways.  These good people helped me and my family through my diagnosis, and helped me be less socially awkward by giving me a safe place to talk, practice my social skills and grieve.

You want to know what I think about this ministry, I think it is a lovely place full of open arms ready to help you through hard times.

Thank you for your time and attention.