What I've Learned From Social Media

About six years ago, I closed my Facebook account for the last time, deleting it entirely.  I made the decision realizing it had become an addiction. I allowed it too much control, allowing things beyond my control to bother and upset me, I spent too much time with it, and talked about it way too much. I paid no attention to who my audience was (many of them were teenagers I was working with, and I was setting an incredibly poor example), and shared many things I had no business sharing. I had given it too much power in my life, and consistently chose it over my family. When Noah talks about it now, it still hurts knowing how much of myself I took from them during that time.  In order to show my family how important they are to me, I made a production of deleting the account in front of them.  Avery was too young to understand, but Shawn and Noah needed to see I was choosing them over it.  We nervously joked for a few days about what would "break" me, causing me to reactivate my account, but the truth is, I've never looked back. It retrospect, it was a sigh of relief, a weight off my shoulders.  There are times now, with church, team sports and schools, I may occasionally wish I were back on, but in the end, I still know it is not the right thing to do.

Three years later, a dear friend had a baby, and suggested Instagram as an alternative to showing up on her doorstep each morning (who, me???)!  I was hesitant.  I did not want to end up giving this social media site the same power I've given Facebook.  I talked with Shawn about it, we prayed about it, and I finally signed up.  I'm quite active, but I have not given it the same power.  I can turn it off, shut it down and leave it.  I've learned to reign myself in, and I don't feel the need to post the rather unnecessary, revealing, daily drama-garbage I was posting on Facebook.  There are times I still overshare, but overall, whether it's because I've matured (wait, what?), I keep my audience more in mind, or because I have my blog as an outlet, I'm no longer letting it all hang out, as I used to. With Noah being a teenager now, I typically ask his permission before posting anything involving him, but I've also explained there are times I'm sharing from the mom point of view.  It does not rule my life (our lives) the same way Facebook did. There are a few complete strangers I've become good friends with, and can't live without.  Others, I can take or leave.  I've become emotionally attached to you, your children, your pets, your nature photos, your artwork.  I know your social media habits and worry when you don't post, or when you disappear.  I've even called the police in other states about two teens threatening suicide; I was able to track down their full names, schools and basic living areas by scrolling through their photos (parents, please speak to your kids about privacy--if I can find it, so can someone who isn't out to help).

Over time, there are things I've learned from social media:

Sometimes a selfie is more than just a selfie.  Sometimes it is a person taking that scary, giant step forward, putting her(him)self out there.  It's not always attention seeking.  Sometimes, a person is declaring, "I'm okay with who I am.  Today, I'm going to be brave."

Sometimes what looks like attention seeking behavior is actually just a person needing to be seen and heard.  To be able to say, "I'm human, this is what I'm dealing with," is huge.  The need to be able to identify with others, or to just let others know they aren't alone, is a pretty big deal.  For some, social media is their only outlet.  They may not live close to good friends, they may not have someone to have coffee with, they may not be able to get out of the house. Someone who posts a gazillion pictures of her children, daily life, and so on, may not necessarily have family, or even friends, to share those moments with.  It doesn't mean those moments don't deserve attention.  Again, there is the basic human need to be seen and heard.

The age old lesson: There are opinions and thoughts other than my own, and that's okay.  But, let's all get along, okay?

Once it's out there, you can't take it back.  It can now be shared millions of times over.  Thanks to screenshots, it can be printed and reprinted.  Nothing is sacred, and nothing is private.  It is a public domain, and can be used in a court of law.  If you wouldn't want your mom, your pastor, your husband or your kids to see it--don't post it.

Things aren't always what they appear to be.  The person with the best vacation photos, filtered selfies and posed family photos is suffering the most.  Bragging makes them feel better.  Comparing oneself to the Jones', and the subsequent jealousy, is rampant on social media.  Don't do that to yourself.

The enemy runs rampant on social media.  It is his playground.  Often his voice is disguised as God's, just as in life.  Guide your heart, your mind and your soul.

Social media destroys already weak marriages, and even some very strong ones.  Leave well enough alone.  You've got middle aged men and women looking up old flames, and just asking for trouble.  Social media destroys weak people through jealousy, anger and bitterness.  Teenagers, and even some adults, think it is the end of the world to be 'unfollowed' or not followed at all.  Don't let social media tell you who you are, or declare your worth.

Internet anonymity and the wrong ideas about free speech give 'permission' to people to say whatever they want.  People are cruel, and say some very wrong things.  People will say whatever they want, to whoever they want, about whatever they want, whenever they want.  We use social media to vent, to call attention to perceived slights and wrongdoings, to make fun of others, to name-call--but seldom do we use it for good.

There are good things to come from social media: People from far and wide, different cultures, different languages, different countries, have been able to connect and find much in common.  We've been able to come together to support one another in times of illness and child rearing, and through common interests.

Those are just a few things.  I'm sure if I sat around for a while, I could come up with a more comprehensive list. I'm sure you could give me some lessons you've learned, as well. I think these are some of the more important ones.  I'm going to end this post the way I end many of my posts: "Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting some kind of battle."  Keep that in mind next time you log on.