Suicide

"Hey boys?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, Mom."

"Not just because I tell you, but I show it, too, right?"

"Yeah, Mom.  It's okay, Mom.  We know."

It's been a rough week here.

First, I want you to grab your kids up and hug them.  Tight.  Squeeze a little harder.  A little harder.  Have they complained yet they can't breathe?  Good.  Now, whisper to them how much you love them.

Say a prayer of gratitude you are able to do this.  

Last week, a friend of Noah's took his life.

Protect your children with your life, then a little more.  Watch them carefully.

There were so many cracks this young man fell through, and I'm angry.

I'm angry for him.  I'm angry about his circumstances.

This young man deserved better than he got in life.

Precious boy, I pray those gates were opened wide and welcoming for you, Abba's arms ready to hold you.  I pray you are now at peace, that you are now finding what you could not find here on earth. Oh, sweet boy.

I'm frustrated and sad for those left behind.

I'm frustrated and sad for those who don't have answers to the inevitable questions.

I'm sad for his friends who don't understand, for those who say, "I wish I had known, I wish I had done more."

I pray peace for those left behind.  I pray healing for them.  I pray, as they struggle within their own hearts and minds, they can forgive themselves.  I pray these, and no more, blessed loves will not fall through the cracks, or lose hope.

I'm angry and sad this young man did not have hope, that he could not see one foot in front of the other.

I'm angry that life just goes on.  As a mom, I've wanted to plant my feet solidly, hand out in STOP position, and scream, "NO!" A child has died!  A tragedy has occurred!  The world needs to stop and pay attention!  This does not have to happen again!

It will be a while, a long while, before I stop grabbing up my kids spontaneously and holding them so tight they can scarcely breathe, tears in my eyes, a hitch in my chest, remembering this young man as I do so.

The vigil for this young man was last night, and I saw so many teens dropped off by their parents, or arriving in their own vehicles.  It boggles me still.  Do these parents not understand suicide is a communicable disease?  Do these parents not understand NOW is when their children need them the most?  Teens do not always ask us, but we need to be there--we need to be HERE.  I just wanted to scream into the night.

Selfishly, I'm sad at the irony of celebrating my own son's birthday, when another mother will never celebrate hers again.  All the plans I had for Noah seem so--awkward.  Selfish.  Awkward.

Please, PLEASE--I'm begging you.  Look after your friends and loved ones.  Look after your children's friends.  Even look after those you pass by, the strangers on the street.  When you ask, "How are you," MEAN. IT.  Do not use it in passing.  I always ask, "No, really, how are you REALLY?"  It could save a life.  YOU could save a life.  Pay attention to mannerisms, to changes in appearance, to anything that looks different.  Know the signs of depression and potential suicide. On top of this, remember that teens and children are impulsive. You may not even see the signs. Talk with your children about who they can go to if they feel they can't, or don't want, to talk to you.  Trusted adults.  Talk about hope and peace.  Be an open, safe sounding board for their friends.

This young man's death, this tragedy, should never have happened.  I don't know why it did.  I don't know why this young man felt so hopeless.  One of the things you must understand about depression, one of the things we, those of us with depression are told--people say, "reach out when you're down!"  It's not that simple.  We can't.  So yes, the onus is on the rest of you to reach out instead.  And, think of this--so often, when someone does reach out, it is passed off as attention seeking.  Please don't do that.

You have the power to do more.  Every day, you can do more, in the life of every person you encounter.  Reach out.  Please.

Give hope.

Save a life.