Team Med

 Ten years ago I was firmly planted in Team No Meds.  I wasn't willing to even consider such a notion for Noah.  In fact, before we began the diagnostic process, my mind was already made up; and if we weren't going to medicate him, why would we bother having him properly diagnosed? 

Oh my goodness, for such an educated person and mom-as-advocate, I sure was downright ignorant.  

And--ohhhhh how I stood in judgment of parents who did choose meds for their kids.  I remember at one well-check, our pediatrician's nurse told me all five of her kids were on meds and how much simpler it made things.  "Sure, for YOU," I thought.  High and mighty as I was, I thought parents who chose meds were simply incapable of being well, capable parents.  Those parents just want compliant, controllable kids--right?

I also knew the dangers of the side effects.  I absolutely hate, HATE knowing my kids have to choose between growing well or not having their active little neurons bounce around the insides of their brains.  We've learned a lot over the years, trying to work with (against) their suppressed appetites, but it's still a sacrifice to their growth.  A necessary evil.

It was actually Noah's fifth grade teacher--mid diagnosis, having returned Noah to public school from homeschooling mid-year and in the middle of fighting the school for at least a 504--who had the talk with me.  She watched him struggle and enlightened me.  Her name was Mrs Love, and she was absolutely the best thing to happen for Noah and the sunlight in a shit situation.  She heavily advocated for Noah, doing everything within her power to help him.  

So, we (I) agreed to try meds.  It was at least a year of trial and error which included finding a new psychiatrist who finally listened to us, but we hit on the correct meds and the best doses.  

Watching my kid blossom after that, I didn't walk, I ran full sprint to join Team Med.  Watching him thrive and experience life--that was just everything and more.  Honestly, though?  I've learned from it, but I'm still wrestling with guilt because I waited so long to help Noah.

That experience made things quite straightforward when Avery's turn came around.  Thanks to our experiences with Noah, we not only immediately chose meds for Avery, but we also knew where to begin with the particular meds and doses.  

And now we're here with Ezra.  Again, thanks to his older brothers, we have a starting point.  Diagnoses secured, meds prescribed.  He can't learn what I'm trying to teach him if his poor little brain is ping-ponging around inside his skull.

I'll say this again to you, dear readers: If you've never had to watch your child struggle, I genuinely hope you never do.  It is painful in every sense of the word.  I'll also say this: It was wrong of me to judge other parents, and I hope you take my lesson into account as you watch other parents.  

Today was Ezra's first full day on meds.  I had an actual give-and-take conversation with my 5 1/2 year old for the first time ever (it was still about his topic of choice, but I'm taking what I'm getting right now!).  I watched him happily play with his Legos, choosing those over the mind-numbing tablet we typically rely on (surprisingly participating in give-and-take Lego play with Avery for a few minutes).  He sat through an entire game of Go Fish, even calmly attending as I explained the rules to him.  

It was an incredibly emotional morning.  It feels so amazingly great to be able to watch my kids succeed.

I fully understand meds still aren't for everyone.  It is an extremely personal choice.  But over here in Left Field?  We play for Team Med.