Radio Silence

I have some startling news for you...  Well, it may not be news to some of you, but here goes:

A person not returning your text, phone call, social media message, email or even your letter sent by carrier pigeon...  Isn't about you.  It's about that person.

Wait.  Hold up.  What?  

Yep.  It has nothing to do with you!  You are now free to relax and go about your business!

I can't believe I even have to write about this.

I feel the need to explain this concept because it recently became an issue.  I'm seldom this harsh with my posts, but the point needs to be made.  This may be a bit of a rant, but also apparently a lesson which should be taught.

Most of my friends understand I am busy.  They understand I have two children whom I homeschool.  These two children also have autism and a variety of other needs, all requiring multiple therapies, several of which are an hour's drive away.  I make that drive several times a week.  Most of my friends also understand this time of year is difficult for me due to grief and now, missing my oldest.  What I haven't shared publicly (until now) is my health has taken another unexpected turn.  I am not feeling well and I am just plain emotionally, physically and spiritually drained.  Right now, just breathing and walking around my house are taking more effort than they should.  I'm doing my best to compartmentalize this year in order to concentrate on my family.  I am trying my best, and mostly succeeding, to be present for them (instead, I'm over here fuming over this entire matter which should be a non-issue).  As you can see, my plate is quite full.  So please forgive me when it takes a few days to reply or when I don't reply at all.  Sometimes I just don't have the emotional energy to do so.  I have to pick and choose what receives the energy I do have, and most often, the recipients are my immediate family.  It's called prioritizing.  Sometimes, because I'm an adult, I recognize I don't have anything nice to say, so I refrain from replying to those particular texts and emails.  And yep, I'm human, so sometimes I just forget!  So yes, I just might be posting to social media even though I'm not replying to various forms of communication.  Why?  Because social media often does not require the headspace that responding does.  And quite frankly, if I want to take out a space in the newspaper, charter an airplane to write a message in the sky or rent a billboard all while not responding to communications--I can do that as well!  It's really none of your business.  Why?  You do not own my time and it is not my job to feed needy, fragile egos.  I do not owe you, or anyone else, a thing.  This is my life and I'm the one who decides how I live it.  

When a friend of mine is slow to respond or doesn't respond at all, I know it's not personal.  We are all living in a world of massive overwhelm right now and I'm okay with my attempts at communication being delayed or even disregarded.  A few of us exchange memes back and forth, understanding life is just too much most days.  We check in, we send jokes, we understand the other person most likely won't be able to respond--and as adults, we're okay with it.  We expect nothing (and certainly do not demand) from one another.  We love each other through life, accepting each other where we are, never attempting to force communication--and we absolutely know to not ever take radio silence personally.  I know my friends have lives, families, jobs and so many other responsibilities and obligations.  I also realize there are things I don't know about my friends, things which might delay a reply.   I understand that sometimes we, as humans, just need to shut down.  My friends just might be prioritizing.  I don't allow my feelings to get hurt--this is an active choice I make, but kind of feels like a no-brainer.  I do not jump to conclusions, I do not accuse my friends of things I know aren't true, I don't take to social media to complain, and, key point here, I know it's.  Not.  About.  Me.  In fact, I typically wonder if everything is okay, especially if such radio silence is unusual for my friend.  I might even reach out again a few days later to check in.  If I absolutely need a response, I'll circle back to double check if my friend even received my text.  The last thing I'm going to do is make my friend's lack of response about myself.

So, why I am explaining a concept most people understand?

Last week there were several texts I did not return, but I did post to social media.  Radio silence.  I did not have the capacity required to even reply "Thank you," but social media was there providing a good distraction. 

And someone took issue with it.

Rather than come directly to me to with her issue (Matthew 18:15-17), this person made a very snarky, very passive aggressive post to social media about it.  This person made an active decision to make it about her.  Before you accuse me of doing the same with this post, I did go directly to her and was summarily dismissed.  With two short sentences, she continued to make it about herself, then ignored any further communication from me.  I suppose she might've thought she was turning the tables, so to speak.  Or perhaps she's actually embarrassed by her behavior.  Who knows?  Who cares?  Nothing ruins good friendships like behavior like this.  Anyway, we're adults, so I handled it like an adult.  Speaking in not-so-hypotheticals, I named the above reasons in an effort to help this person understand where someone not responding to texts but posting to social media may be coming from.  I also spoke of the need for compassion, grace, empathy and understanding, and reminded her of Matthew 18.  Courtesy and respect go a long way.  I did not receive an apology.  What I did receive was the equivalent of a spoiled 5 year old stomping her feet while pitching a temper tantrum and screaming "I NEED ATTENTION!"

Folks, I just don't have the time, patience and energy for this level of immaturity and disrespect.  I really don't.  Grow up.  I don't know if it's age (I'm too old for this shit and life is too short), that I value myself more than I used to, or growing up with a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (among others), but my tolerance for bullshit behavior is much lower than it used to be.  I've spent the past few days trying to move past this, but I'll admit I'm having some difficulty with it.  I'm extremely frustrated and upset with this presumptuous and audacious behavior.  It's awfully sad I have to discuss this at all.

I've said it a hundred times already, I'll say it thousands more:  We never know the battles another person is fighting, and assuming we do and believing we should take precedent in another person's life quickly leads down a slippery slope (to say the least).  Not just this time of year, but all year long, please remember everyone deserves grace and understanding.  Those go much further than an egocentric view of the world.