Booger Bullets and Nerf Guns

It all started at 7 this morning, with Avery yelling he couldn't find his booger bullets.

I'm sorry, your WHAT????

He helpfully explained that's what Noah calls the bullets for their Nerf guns.

*Side note:  For the past four summers, I've bought--and returned not even a day later--Nerf guns for our family.  Noah quickly gets out of control with them, can't differentiate between game and real life, can't put them down, thinks he's super-ninja-commando-secret-spry-agent-man, resulting in Call of Duty: Black Ops in my backyard.  SIGH.  I don't like them.  Not at all.  I resist them.  And this Christmas, I agreed with Shawn to give Them.  One.  More.  Try.*
      *Side note to the side note: No, Noah is not allowed to play Black Ops or any games like that.  Just so we're clear.*


"NOAAAAHHHHH!"

When I asked about booger bullets, he explained to me that he heard that Army soldiers call the bad guys boogers,  so that's what he decided to call his Nerf bullets.

Soooo....  You thought it would be okay to teach your four year old brother this sort of thing?  And really, I grew up military, and 'booger' is definitely not one of the words soldiers use in reference to bad guys.  AND, they are DARTS, not bullets.  We've had this talk.  AND, they are NERF guns--TOYS--not weapons of mass destruction.  Yes, we've had that talk too.  So many, many times.

I confiscated the Nerf guns, possibly for the 5th or 6th time since Christmas day.

Then we sat down with Noah to talk about how much his obsession scares us.  Noah in tears, myself in tears, I explained that when he talks like that and behaves this way with toys, I fear the police showing up on our doorstep because of something someone overheard him say in school.  I fear what goes through his head, what he's thinking when he does these things.  Does he think before he speaks (yes, I do know the answer to that one)?  I read the news; when we have to have these conversations with Noah, I hear words like "active shooter," "hit list" and "school shooting" in my head.  It scares me.

We had to get ready for church, so we sent him to change while I showered.  Later, when I was helping him comb his hair, I asked him again: "What makes any of this okay in your head?  What about any of this makes sense?  Because none of it makes any sense to me!  Help me understand this!"

Noah's answer?  "Well, the real reason I called them booger bullets is because Avery caught me putting one up my nose and I didn't know what else to tell him."

I can't even PRINT what went through my head then, as relief and frustration and disbelief and a million other emotions went flooding through my body.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Two hours later, in a matter of five minutes, we went from possible school-shooting-in-the-making to something just plain weird, but still oddly reassuring.  Not once during all the crying and whining and yelling did he think to just tell us the truth right off the bat.

It all started when Avery couldn't find his booger bullets.....

PARENTHOOD: 10000000000  AMY: 0