When You See It

Noah is quickly approaching 14 (how does this happen???).  I have to remind myself daily, and sometimes hourly, that he is not like 'most' kids his age.  Aside from his diagnoses, there are many other differences also, many of them I can easily embrace, sometimes easier than I can embrace the differences associated with his diagnoses.  I remember the things I was doing at 14, the things I was responsible for, and I wonder if, how and when we will reach that point with Noah.  I positively hate allowing his diagnoses to be used as crutches or excuses, but if I'm being honest with myself...  Well, anyway.  As a parent in general, I hate excuses.  As Noah's parent in particular, I hate hearing, "Noah isn't like other kids..."  I try to teach my kids personal responsibility, and to own their actions, behaviors and decisions--and consequences--no matter the road blocks.

Noah is a very capable child.  He really is.  However, he is also the teenage boy who consistently forgets deodorant and zipping his fly.  He is often too lazy to tie his shoelaces, and he is King of the Half-Finished Chore.  'Sloppy' is his preferred style, no matter what I encourage him to choose when we shop (our latest excursion found us in trendy mall shops, me begging him to pick something out, ANYTHING!), often choosing whatever is easiest to throw on in the morning without much (any) planning or thought. He would often rather take the easy way out, than put forth the extra effort and feel the success that comes with hard work.  I am often in his face about the deodorant and other things, lamenting "How can you forget such important things?"  It hit me--he has never remembered such things, so chances are better than good he may not ever.  Even with signs hanging in various key places around the house, things are forgotten.  Even with chores and tasks spelled out, step by step, never changing, posted where he can see them as he does them--yep, they still don't get done.  We try to drive home the point of doing a job right the first time, taking pride in hard work and being pleased with a job well done--but I'm certain we sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown.  "Wah wah wah wahhhhhhh."  There are days we are knee deep in teenage attitude; then there are other days when I catch a glimpse of the young man and gentleman he is becoming.  He stands nearly eye to eye with me now, but the times we see eye to eye are becoming fewer and farther between.  Welcome to the bipolar years....

Shawn and I talk a lot about things we want to be able to allow Noah to do, but we just don't see the maturity necessary for such activities.  We worry that Avery will be able to accomplish these things before Noah, and how we will handle that.  Sometimes, we worry we are concentrating on the wrong things--okay, so he stinks and is only half dressed, but look at the initiative he took with XYZ.  Maybe we are looking for maturity in all the wrong places.  Maybe, if we give him the opportunities, the maturity will come.

This is life with Noah.  Much of it, as with any child, is two steps forward, four steps back.  And you start over the next day.  For me, I have to work hard on acceptance and just loving him where he is.  I work hard to mold him into the man I know he can be, and I'm hard on him because I know he is capable of so much more.  I know he is better than how he sometimes behaves.  I know it is in him.  He reminds me a lot of myself, and sometimes that makes things harder in raising him, but it also helps me remember what he needs from me as his mom--as well as what he doesn't need from me.

And lately--I've discovered, it really is in him.  He can do this.  Even better, he's discovering it's within him, himself.  I'm watching prayers being answered right before my eyes.

Back in August, he began running.  Our routine has become that I drive up to his school for his backpack and violin, we swap out sneakers, and he runs home (the first week I strategically followed him, hazard lights blinking obnoxiously).  Shawn helped him map out a better, longer course, so he is running 1.6 miles daily, sometimes more if he runs in PE at school.  Shawn has been challenging him, showing him proper form, really working with him--and we realized Noah is challenging himself, all on his own.  He has trained on his own in the rain and wind, in the cold and in the heat, head up and determined. We found a 5k for him to train for, and he ran that in September with a time of 32:31.  Noah ran his second race today, shaving almost 8 minutes off his first time, coming in SECOND OVERALL at 24:25!  Standing by the finish line, I watched the first runner cross, heard them yell "Second runner," and thought, "Oh, it couldn't be Noah and Shawn yet, but it will be soon"--and realized it was my son turning the corner!  I couldn't believe it, there I was, crying, screaming his name and jumping up and down, cheering him through!  The look on Noah's face said it all, and I can't remember a time when I've been more proud of him.  For him to see his hard work, determination and dedication pay off--absolutely priceless.  We found two more timed races in November and December for him, and he will have the charity race for his riding therapy center in March.  Today, he won first place for his age group, and second place overall.  For him to see this today, to accomplish this--wow!

I will be honest with you here--even more pleasing to me, was seeing Noah go back to the finish line and cheer the other runners through, and meeting Avery at the end of his 1 mile run to cheer his little brother through.  He jumped and shouted for the younger children, showing himself to be a good sport and possibly even a good leader.  Possibly, some of those talks we have about setting the example and being a good role model, and how younger children look up to older children, are getting through!  Also, a young man from the high school Noah will attend next year, a cross country runner who placed fifth, came over to congratulate Noah and talk to him about joining when he gets there.  That was truly a God moment, as Shawn and I have been dropping major hints and getting nowhere... After all, we are just the stupid parents!  But now a peer has said, "Hey, great job, you should really do this!" *thumbs up*

As a congratulatory gift, Shawn gave Noah a GPS watch we've been saving aside, and helped him get set up on with a running app Shawn and his co-workers use.  He's also been promised a PS4 for Christmas for breaking the 30 minute time...  I hung his medal and certificate on his brag wall, up there with his horse ribbons and trophies.  We want him to see how proud we are of him, and take pride in all of this himself.

In addition to running, getting straight A's in school and keeping up with Boy Scouts, Noah has continued working with the sound/audio and worship team at church.  I'm completely amazed by how quickly he learned, and how well he does with it.  His mentor will soon be leaving the sound team, and that leaves Noah to step up and become an even more major component to the team.  I beam, I really do!  The adults on both teams have really accepted him as one of their own, treating him less as a child and more like a peer.  They've really given him free reign, and listen to what he has to say, often taking his advice. Noah's mentor has expressed great confidence in him, even telling me that if he were still working gigs, he wouldn't hesitate to hire Noah. I always marvel at how comfortable he is on the stage, before, during and after the service, and moving with such quiet stealth (usually he and I are the ones walking around with TP stuck to our shoes, knocking things over when we're trying to be quiet), knowing exactly what needs to be done.  In the sound booth, he's in his own element. The things the members of both teams speak into his life, and all that is happening there!  I'm sure I'm not even fully aware of even half of what goes on.  Two weeks ago, I noticed Noah took his violin with him to practice, but I didn't know if they would give him the chance to play with them, or how that would work.   I didn't say much, because I really didn't want to get his hopes up, but I also did not want to crush his spirit. I did let him know how much I admired him for stepping out, for putting himself out there like that.  I should've known better!  When we picked him up, what I saw left me crying and speechless--my boy was playing with the worship band, and keeping up.  Oh my goodness!  He said he had a little trouble at first, but once one of the band members showed him how to convert the chords to notes, he got it (just like that!).  Last week, he took both his guitar (which he has started teaching himself) and his violin; he filled in for one of the other guitar players, and even played both instruments in one song.  I'm blown away!!!

Oh, and he's researching and rebuilding a 1970-77 era console radio/record player/cassette player we found at a thrift store for $20.....

Much of being a mom is reminding yourself that, in reality, they are only in each stage for a little while, even when it seems like an eternity.  Embrace your child, and understand the nuances of each stage.  They WILL come out of it, and as long as we continue to guide them, they will come out of these trials and stages with flying colors.  To see your child succeed, and concentrate on those successes, rather than the things he forgets, half accomplishes, or won't do it all--that's the important thing.  And just let go of the other crap.  And pray.  Pray a lot. Daily reminding myself that yes, Noah IS ONLY 13--and not just on the spectrum, and not just a boy.  He's 13.  He's only 13.  And man, he is blowing it away.

Sign me--Proud Mama.