It's Not What I Expected... and I'm Glad

I had the tv on this morning, just noise in the background while I took care of some chores.  I wasn't paying much attention, but something caught my ear and made my head whip around.  I actually rewound the movie to be sure I heard it correctly.

One of the characters was confronting her estranged mother after years of not speaking.  The mother bitterly replied, "Motherhood is not what I expected, and you kids weren't exactly easy."  The mother then continued to blame the adult daughters for everything that she felt had gone wrong with her life.

I've heard this before, and not from a movie.  Maybe not in so many words, or so succinctly, but there it was.

So, here's the thing--motherhood is certainly not what I expected either.  From day one, it has not been the romanticized version I had built up in my head.  I can tell you that I never expected my children to have such varying age ranges, I did not expect to have boys, I did not expect to be raising a child on the spectrum, and, at one point, I didn't even expect to have more than one child.  I also did not expect the many daily rewards, the hugs, and feelings of self worth, the pride and love that make my heart swell until I'm in tears.  While it may not be the romanticized version I dreamed of, it's certainly not the absolute worst, dysfunctional movie version either!

Are my kids easy?  Oh, heck no!  There are days I might trade that for a little bit less exhaustion, but it certainly would be boring if my kids were easy!  There are good days, and that's what we concentrate on.  There are also the days I realize that it's me, not my children, who is the difficult one, and those are some pretty serious lightbulb moments.  When things are going sideways, it's my attitude that counts.  It is up to me to keep things in perspective, and remind myself that I am the adult.

Is anything ever what we expect?  If everything always went as we expect, where would be the joys, the surprises, the spontaneity, the fun (the need for God, prayer and friendship...)? What would be the point to a scripted life? There are challenges in everything, but we work through them.  And then we embrace them, for they are what make us who we are.  There is also joy to be found in everything!  Those challenges and joys are how we grow, and how we learn.  If we don't do so, we become stagnant and bitter.  And at the end of the day, we agree, this life is not what we expected, but it sure is worth it.

I don't want to be the mother lamenting to her adult children about what horrible people they are, or blaming them for things beyond their control.  I want my children to know they are loved and cherished. Even more importantly, they need to know they are liked and wanted, and to know that it is an honor and a blessing to be able to raise them.  I want them to know that I need them just as much as they need me, if not more.  Being their mom is not what I expected, and I'm happy with that.