Grief and Frustration and Anger and Venting and Raging

I've been struggling with this post for a few weeks.  Our family suffered a loss recently, one that could have been prevented, one that was tragic and has left repercussions not just through the family, but throughout the community. The loss isn't really mine to share, but the frustration, grief and anger I feel because of it are all mine.  While it was not my direct loss, it is a loss that has affected me deeply, as a mom, and just as a human being.

I don't know that this one will make much sense. I really didn't even know what to title this one.  The truth is, I'm frustrated, angry and hurting, so here I am, venting and raging and crying.  I want to shake my fist at the universe right now.

When you have a child, your life (should) changes.  If it doesn't, shame on you.  Yes, I said it.  Your responsibilities change, your perspective on life changes. Yes, parenthood is an adjustment, but some don't make that adjustment.  It is no longer about you, it's about that child, that gift, and doing everything in your power to raise your child with love, dignity, respect and discipline.  It goes beyond providing the basic material needs, to providing the most basic human needs.

Sadly, there are parents who don't measure up to this.  And that really makes me angry.  It makes me angry to see people take their children for granted, and not actually raise them.  Someone might call this merely a difference in childrearing views, but I don't see it this way.  Some don't see the great responsibility that comes with childrearing.  It's still about them, their addictions and habits, their own selfish ways.  Nothing changes.  They throw away any chance they have with their child, and then it's too late.  Even in the time of the greatest loss a parent could ever experience, they are still self centered in their thinking.  This particular child, even though a young man at death, deserved better.

Burying a child is a tragedy no parent should ever have to endure.  But when the final tragedy is the end result of a life that began as a string of severe dysfunctions and the real tragedy is a child who wasn't taught love and self worth, then well, yes, you, the parent, are to blame.  When your actions, or lack of actions, result in the burial or your own child--I just don't know.  There are no words.  It's too much.  It's just too much. As angry and hurt as I am right now though, I know that won't bring this child back, and grieving parents are still just that--grieving parents.  These are things no parent should have to endure, no matter the preceding circumstances.

Please, accept the responsibility that comes with raising children. Teach them discipline, love, self worth, and self respect.  Don't disappoint them.  No parent is perfect, but don't miss the opportunity to be the parent your children need you to be.  It's no longer about you, about the parents you had or didn't have--it's about your child, and the parent they need.  It's about the example you set, the priorities you teach. Please love your children and protect them with the fierceness they deserve. Speak truth.  Speak life.  Don't waste a moment.