Blog Share: What it's Like Being Asked to Have a Child with Autism

This blog post was shared with me, and in turn, I want to share it with you.  It speaks volumes, and it just hits the nail on the head so well.  If I haven't said much of what is in the following post already in my own posts, I've mumbled it somewhere along the line, thought it, or wished I had said it.  I've been reading through more of this dear mother's posts, and let me tell you, she is really in my head!  

http://flappinessis.com/tell-it-like-it-is-on-being-asked-what-it-is-like-to-have-an-autistic-child/

I've reached a point in life in which I can say I'm grateful for autism. Were there things we had to mourn along the way?  Yes. Can I just say, though--I think that's a part of parenthood, whether your child is neurotypical or has special needs.  We all have dreams for our children, ideas of who they will become, ideas of what we want for them, then we meet the individual with the personality.  

Without autism, we wouldn't be the family we are, I wouldn't be the mom I am, and Noah wouldn't be the amazing young man he is.  He's overcome so much, and I want his story to give hope.  I'm not a saint or supermom because I raise him, he's not the lucky one because I'm his mom.  I'm the lucky one--the blessed one--because I get to be his mom.  I get to watch all of his successes and triumphs.  I get to cheer him on.  He's the real superhero because he's the one who lives with this, copes with this, functions with it, and overcomes it, daily. There isn't one thing I would change about him.

I've really felt God telling me to share more and more about Noah's story recently.  There is hope.  Autism is not a metaphorical death sentence.  Yes, it's for life, but please don't ever pity us, or Noah.  Please don't ever pity any of our families or our children.  We are so blessed to just have children!  It's a journey, a different path, but the reality is that each parent and each child takes a different journey through life than the next one.  Autism just happens to be part of ours.  

This is Our Why

Yes, I'm here to beg again!  Avery is participating in a fundraiser through his school for the American Heart Association.

As you already know, heart illness has been a major focus of our lives over the past year.  Because of Ezra, this fundraiser has taken on an entirely new meaning for our family.  We are incredibly fortunate that we did not need any special services for Ezra.  He did not need any medical interventions or surgeries.  We were able to afford the best doctors and care for our child. We are grateful Ezra does not have any further complications or lasting affects.  We know the severity of it all, and we know how much worse it could've been.  We continue to be grateful it wasn't.

However, there are many families and children out there who aren't so fortunate.  They need those doctors, services, interventions and surgeries.  Many parents can't afford them.  I can't even begin to imagine what they must go through.  We are here to fundraise so those parents don't have to.  We are fundraising so they can concentrate on who is truly important, their children, and know they are covered.  We are fundraising because we can't imagine life without our own children, and don't want other parents to have to imagine that, either.  We are fundraising for cures, awareness and education.  We are fundraising because we now know this can hit any family at any time, without any warning, and we know the chaos it creates.

Please join our family in supporting this worthy fundraiser!  If you are able, we would greatly appreciate it if you would please visit Avery's fundraising page and make a donation.  Every penny counts! Also, please ask your employer if there's an Employee Matching Gift program, or search for your company at http://matchinggifts.com/aha.  If your employer has a Matching Gift program, just complete your employer's Matching Gift Form and send it to Avery's link.

Thank you, from the bottoms of our--well, from the bottoms of our hearts!!!

(deadline for donations is no later than February 29, 2016)

http://jumphoops2016maa.kintera.org/averyfurr

Nailing it (Parenthood)

In my blogs, I tend to write about the countless times I haven't nailed motherhood. I share the snarky, and I share the serious. All my failings, from the funny ones to the not-so-funny, brutally honest, perhaps you should call social services ones.  My reasons for sharing vary; I want to make you laugh, I need to laugh at myself, I want to make you feel better about your own foibles--not necessarily to make myself feel better, though!

My main theme is usually this:  Mother(parent)hood is HARD.  There are the rewarding days, and the not-so-rewarding, we're-all-lucky-to-still-be-alive days.  We need to stick together as moms.  We need to support each other, and come together as a community.  We're all in this together, not against each other. My biggest theme is encouragement.

Sometimes we share our nailed it moments as bragging rights.  We pat ourselves on our backs, expecting others to do the same.  And maybe in an effort to one-up the other moms....  Sometimes, we just share these moments because hey, we did it.  We did it right this one time, and it all turned out okay.  We need those pats on our backs from each other.  In order to keep going, we need to hear that we're doing alright.  We need that affirmation from other moms.

So, how do we know when we've nailed it? It's those times we hit our knees in prayer, fighting for our children.  It's when we march into the school, prepared to defend our children, their rights and their needs.  Maybe it's birthday cake for breakfast on a snow day.  It's those nights we lovingly tuck our children into bed and tenderly kiss them goodnight, hugging tightly with forgiveness and grace, after an evening of hearing how much we're hated, having shouted back WELL THAT'S TOO BAD BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE BEING YOUR MOM!  And yes, it's asking our children for that same forgiveness and grace when we don't necessarily deserve it.  It's those moments when we see them succeeding, or failing with grace.  Or those times when we know we're doing the right thing, even though it just feels plain wrong, even though it hurts us, but there's a lesson that needs to be taught, and learned--and seeing that lesson learned.  Nailing it is seeing our children 'get it,' catching those amazing sibling moments, and having your children tell you that you're doing alright without saying a word. It's stepping out of our comfort zone to do something with our children, something they want to try, but only if we'll do it with them.  Yes, it's even those times we have to put our screaming infant in his crib and walk away for a breather, or lock ourselves in our walk in closets, locking the other three doors in between, to catch a quick moment with our chocolate stash for a quick break from our older children. Nailing it is knowing when to step back and take care of ourselves, knowing when we have to put our own needs first, in order to better take care of those who rely on us and need us. Perhaps it's letting go, letting those apron strings out just a little more, when all we want to do is pull them closer and tie them in an impossibly undoable Gordian Knot.  Many times, its those nights when we collapse on the couch, too tired to make it to our own beds after a rousing game of whack-a-mole, but everyone is still accounted for, in one piece, and the house isn't in (complete) shambles at the end of the day. I think it's all of those, and more.

How do YOU define nailed it?  Do you give yourself grace with your definition?

I want you to know mamas, you're nailing it.  Even on the really awful, we're-all-lucky-to-still-be-alive days, you're nailing it.  Please give yourselves a big ole hug from me, and know that you're doing more than alright.  Give yourselves the same grace you give others. Keep hanging in there. You've sooooo got this, lovies.