Perspective, Experience, and Everyone's Fight

We took a drive to put seizures behind us today.  One of our ventures took us into one of my favorite antique shops. I didn't feel as though we behaved any worse than usual, but we seemed to be bothering a particular woman every time we passed her.  It just struck me as odd, as we really were pretty tame compared to how we can usually be!

Shawn commented on it, asking me what I thought her problem was--I mean, we were really catching some looks from her!  

I began looking at us with different eyes, trying to figure out what she saw when she looked at us.

We had our three boys with us.  I was proudly flaunting my motherhood, wearing my "#outnumbered: boymom," shirt.  We were laughing, having a good time.  She didn't know our back story from Adam's (or Eve's,  for that matter).  She didn't know what we were out to escape today.

Nor did I know what she and her husband might have been trying to escape today, either.

There was a time, before Avery and before Ezra, I was SO.  ANGRY. at families like ours.  I was SO.  ANGRY. at women like me.  I hated families and women like them just for existing.  Why do they get to have some many kids and I don't?  Why do they get to have fun and I've buried a child in my heart and have wanted nothing more than more babies in my womb? Why am only only allowed one child when I want so many more?  No one understands me.  Everyone sees me, but no one sees the pain I've buried so deep.

I was so bitter. I was so angry.  I really had to pray my way out of it. It was not a short, easy journey. I will be honest here--it was not Avery and Ezra who got me out of that hole.  It was GOD, who made me whole.  It was prayer, that renewed me.  I know many think I'm all better because I have Avery and Ezra, and while my gratitude exceeds any imaginable expectation, they are not the reason (the only reasons) I'm all better.  There are times I want to wear my testimony on my shirt, you know?

Anyway, I'm digressing.

I said to Shawn: "What if her story is similar to our story?  What if we remind her of something she just wants to forget?  What if we remind her of her heart's desire?  What if she needs the kindness and love we did?"

It changed how we looked at this precious woman, and it changed how we thought of the way she looked at us. When we passed her the next time, we smiled.  We didn't judge, we didn't wonder how we'd wronged her, and just did our best to understand that yes, while it was possible we may have just been on her wrong side, it was also entirely possible we reminded her of something she needed to forget.

Kindness and perspective go a very long way.

"Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (many authors attributed)