Navigating My Way Through Teen Dating

The teenager in our house began dating a little while back, and it's been an, um, experience for me to figure out just where I fit in (right between them, right?), exactly, in all of this.

Some might say I don't figure into any of this at all.  It's his life, let him live it.

Sometimes it's hard for me to let the apron strings loosen, especially with my firstborn (okay, with all of my borns).  There is so much between us, I know letting go is going to be so damn hard.  It is so damn hard to let go already.  It's not about another woman taking my place, it's about making sure he takes proper care of her when she does.  I want to make sure he's getting who he deserves, but I also want to make sure she's getting who she deserves, you know?  I want to make sure my son's girlfriend(s), and my future daughter in law are treated with the respect, love and everything else they deserve.  I also want the same for my son.  Okay, yes, I've been known to crash a FaceTime or two ("Hi! HI! HI! I'm Noah's MOM!"), or send Ezra in....  But, I want to meet these girls!  I want to know their intentions, I want to know about their home lives, their hopes for their futures, what makes them laugh, what do they like to learn--they are dating my son, these things are important to me (seriously, do people just not ask questions about each other anymore???)! And I want to have conversations with him about them!

Okay, and let's be honest, I'm always going to be that mom who goes flying out the door, shouting and laughing my greeting, grabbing everyone up in huge hugs, welcoming them home like prodigal children--so really, I'm just weeding out the girls who can't handle me, right!?!?! 

He's brought home several girls.  One openly declared I was overbearing, over-involved and controlling.  Wellll, I've got news honey, he's still a minor, so we're sort of a package deal.  Anyway.  When he broke up with another girl, I asked if I had to break up with her too.  I really like her.  She got our odd family humor and fit in well.  When we broke out our weird, she broke hers out too.  I'm glad we're still friends on social media and we occasionally still talk.  Ezra is still dating Noah's first girlfriend.  She promised me she'll wait until he turns 18.  Shhhh.  Now there's a new girl, one we haven't met yet.  They talk a lot, they've been on a date.  We know nearly nothing about her.

Dating is a lot different than it used to be.  I think it's a little scarier than it used to be too, and not just for us parents.  Now there's FaceTime, all kinds of chats and other ways to meet.  Shawn and I dated in the Stone Age, so we saw each other at school, went for dates on Friday nights when we could borrow the family dinosaur, and we talked with conch shell phones when we weren't spending time with each other.  We didn't have the internet until college (dial up!), and it certainly wasn't Facebook or anything like that (email and AOL messaging!).  Now, our son can date a girl from another high school in a different county, and they're still just as close as if they're in the same school.  And FaceTime--hello.  The house rule is no girls in the bedroom or behind closed doors.  Welllll, thanks to FaceTime, isn't that pretty much having a girl in your bedroom/behind closed doors?  Yeah, thanks for that parenting battle, Apple.  There are so many apps and ways to hide things from parents if your child doesn't want you seeing them.

There are other things that make dating different, too.  Sexuality and gender are certainly more different than they were 25 years ago when I was my son's age.  Sex-ed is taught differently in public schools: Less education, more indoctrination.  I feel as though some parents are more lenient now, too. There are plenty of other differences, but naturally, I'm drawing a complete blank.  See the paragraph below!  

There are also more dangers now.  Sexting, social media, revenge texting, stalking, catfishing, and so on, make dating a scary thing to do.  Once what you've sent is out of your hands, you've lost control and ownership of it.  Nothing is private once it gets out on the internet.  If the wrong things get out, there will be severe, lifelong consequences.  And until you meet a person face to face, you never really know exactly who you are talking with on the internet. Teaching teenagers they are not invincible is near impossible.

We do our best.  We talk with him about equally yoked, and God's plans--those plans don't involve us saving anyone, or rescuing anyone or changing anyone.  That's up to Him.  God doesn't want us unequally paired in life, especially in the beginning of marriage, when we need each other perhaps the most.  I want Noah to be happy, to be with someone who is going to challenge him throughout life, help him continue to grow, make him laugh--be a true soulmate.  I always want the same for my daughter in law!  I try to talk to him about the things I observe about these girls--just things I see from my perspective, from my experience.  Shawn tries to talk to him about things from the man's perspective.  Our son cannot be objective, and while many would consider it to be difficult for us to be so, considering our son is involved, part of our job is to be objective in helping him.  This time in his life is for having fun, not for looking for a soulmate.  Shawn and I are an anomaly.  Not everyone marries their high school sweetheart.

I pray daily for my daughters in law.  I love them already, and I look forward to having amazing relationships with them.  There are so many pressures, so many different things that I don't necessarily understand, so I also pray for understanding, as well as wisdom and discernment for all of us.  I pray for caution, that it will be heeded at the proper times and moments--and not just for myself, but for my sons and their wives.

My place may not necessarily be right between Noah and his girlfriend, no matter how badly how I want to be there laying down the rules, but it is God's place.

This mama's prayer is they will let Him in.