The Words I Needed to Hear

As I've written so many times before, it's my heart to support other moms.  It is my heart's desire for moms to know they aren't alone in 'this.'   We've got to be in this together, without judgment of each other.  We must stand together, rather than ripping each other to shreds.  Otherwise it just kind of falls apart and looks awful.  Things get nasty, moms turn inward, help isn't sought, people get lost in the shuffle.  Would you reach out in a world that has done nothing but shame you? 

I've been subjected to my fair share of "mommy shaming" recently and I'll tell you--it cuts deep.  It haunts me.  I hear those words in my sleep, I see the finger wagging in my face when I zone off while watching tv, I feel the shame crawling on my skin when I wash in the shower.  Even as I have lectured myself about it being their problem, their own hurts and hang-ups that caused them to react to me this way, and so on, I'm the one with the broken heart.  

Short of her committing criminal acts against her child, I would never do this to another mom.

Yesterday we were in a store when a preschooler had a temper tantrum from hell--she wanted something, and Mom said no.  Avery started to stare; I kicked his foot and whispered, "That's been us more than once.  Don't stare and make it worse for them," then I steered my littles to the other side of the section of the store we were all in.  That mom was a ROCK. STAR.  She had the preschooler, a toddler in a stroller, and a newborn strapped to her chest.  She was amazing, just flat out incredible. When it was finally all said and done, as they walked past me (y'all, she even had her preschooler cheerily putting back the items that started the tantrum--I nearly signed up for mom lessons!), I tapped her shoulder and whispered, "You are a phenomenal mom.  You handled that so very well."  She laughed nervously and whispered back that she's just trying to figure it all out.  I reassured her that indeed, we all are.  Reminder to self:  Reorder "Mother Like No One is Judging" pins.  I didn't have one for her!

Then it was my 'turn' yesterday evening.

We had a long day yesterday, and it was showing.  Our last stop was the grocery store for prescriptions and a few things.  One of my children was amped. up. beyond. belief.  While we were in the self check-out, I had to handle a discipline issue (well, I had been handling it throughout the store...).  A few moments later, there was a tap on my shoulder.  You have to know I am automatically in defense mode now, prepared for someone and anyone and everyone to attack me and my children.  That said, my first exhausted thought as I turned around was to snap, "WHAT" at the person.  Relief flooded through me when I saw it was the cashier on self-checkout duty, and she was hiding stickers in her hand and smiling (she's one of the cashiers I love there--she always has special stickers at her station for the kids, and conversation for everyone).  She whispered, "You handled that really well, I just want you to know that.  And I agree with you needing to handle it, but can he still have a sticker, though?"  I said yes, and she handed stickers to my littles.

Those words--they were a balm to my hurting, tender soul.  As we finished up, I thanked her again.  When we reached the doors, I handed everything to Noah, telling him I would catch up.  I ran back to the cashier and gave her a huge hug, holding in tears.  I tried to explain why, and explain my heart for other moms, and blubbered through my idiotic self.  She just smiled, hugging me back and telling me I did everything right (and "shame on those people!").

I'm so grateful for people like her.  There have been a few angels in our lives lately (look for upcoming blogs!),  just people God has placed here and there to make up for the jerks who show up uninvited.

Dear readers--I'm begging you, please encourage each other.  This is so very important.  Please be that person who makes up for the uninvited jerks.  Encourage that complete stranger, and your closest friend.  Be the friend you need, and the parent you needed.  Say the words you need to hear, and perform the acts of love you need.  Be that fierce hug, and be prepared to give that hug.  Listen without speaking.  Throw out a random compliment next time you hold the door open for someone, leave a kind note on someone's windshield, or pay for the person behind you in line.  Make a meal for that mom down the street, or leave a love basket at her door.  Send flowers to your best friend at her office, or a police department or fire department who just had a tough call (they really like food deliveries, too).

Be the person you need.

Be the balm for someone's hurting, tender soul.