"This is Just How it is"

Avery's been going through some stuff.

And a lot of times, he puts me through a lot of stuff.

A few weeks ago, we were having a rare moment, and we were in deep conversation.  I do love these moments with my boys, and I am loving how  Avery is maturing enough to have more of these moments.  He's begun to come into his own in a more positive way, and I've enjoyed being a part of his personality blooming and developing.

We were talking about another specialist he would be seeing, and I asked  how he's doing with all this 'autism stuff.'  How is he feeling about the diagnosis, and being different, and his brain, and everything that comes with it?

"Well Mom," he began, "I've always been this way.  The only thing that's different is we have a name for it now, right?  And now we can start helping me better because we have the name.  And I actually really kind of like being different and I actually really kind of like the way my brain works.  It's pretty cool.  And you know, God has a plan for me.  There's a reason He made me this way.  Just like you always tell Noah there's a reason He made him that way.  I don't know when, or if, I'll find out God's reason, but I have to trust Him, and this is just how it is.  And it's going to be okay.  It won't be easy, like you tell Noah, but it will be okay in the end.  And if it's not okay, it's not the end, right?"

I sat back, stunned into silence, in complete awe.

Huh.

He's been listening all along.

This is the child I struggle with so much.  This is the child I struggle to get through to.  This is the child who teaches me so much, and I often wonder what on earth I could possibly hope to teach him because I just cannot get through to him--we lock horns and go right to battle--often, literally.  I've written here about the battles that come to blows, that have become physical, than have become painful, physically and emotionally.  I never know if he's listening.  If I say 2+2=4, he insists it equals 5, and will work on the equation until he can make it equal 5!  It is the reason we need a co-op for homeschooling--because he often will not listen to me, but if his tutors tell him the same thing I've been telling him, it's written in stone!

And yet, here we were.

I was more than a little blown away.

My own words, repeated right back to me, straight from my boy's precious heart--not by rote, but by feeling, with emotion, with pure faith and knowledge, and complete trust in his Abba.  He said it as his prayer, with utter belief and contentment for his life.

This is just how it is.  And it's okay.