You're a Unicorn, Babe

I had just finished ranting telling my husband something about supporting other moms and ending the Mommy Wars for good, and he simply smiled at me.

Then he said, "You're a unicorn, babe.  I love you."

I chucked my chin at him, neighing, while giving him a querying look.

Huh, what???

He explained:  "In a world of women waging war against each other, and flipping each other off, and knocking each other over to get to the finish line first, and measuring who does what more of and better--you don't care about all any of that.  You care about the mom.  You care about raising her up, encouraging her, being her friend, helping her out, things like that.  You know how tough motherhood is, and you acknowledge it.  It's not a competition for you.  That's not what you care about.  You care about making sure she's healthy and able to take care of her children, and taking care of herself, too.  You're a unicorn.  You're not the norm."

These are the things I want to do--hold your crying baby in the grocery line (or follow you through the store so you can do you shopping) so you can pay (shop) without juggling.  I want to help you load your car.  I will rock, walk with, hold, whatever it takes, with your baby so you can enjoy your meal in a restaurant.  Here's a secret:  I've already held babies on airplanes to give moms' proper breaks.  I know you may not know me from Adam, but these are the things I would like to do for you.  I've read about the police officer and flight attendant in other countries nursing the hungry babies when the moms didn't have formula, and I think--these women are my heroes!!!  Feed the hungry!  Help the moms without judgment!!!  And for these of you who do know me (because it would be totally weird if I showed up on a stranger's doorstep to do these things), I will come wash your dishes with you, vacuum while you nurse or rock your baby while you shower (or manage your chaos while you shower, or cry over your teenager, whichever).  Can I take you out to lunch, or just a quick coffee break, maybe get a pretty mani/pedi?  Can I pay for a babysitter so you can go out alone, or grab a date night with your husband?  I would love to listen to you rant, or cry, or not say anything at all--I will gladly just sit beside you so you know you are not alone in this.  If you would rather I hold your screaming baby while you rock in a corner take a drive around the block, let's do it!  And if you give me your keys to your house, you just never know what will happen while you're out (it's happened, there are a few people you can ask)!!!  Don't worry, your china and jewelry are safe.  Your bathroom and your kitchen? Not so much.  

This is my passion.  It's a passion I never imagined myself having.  In college, I judged parents harshly, and I was going to save children from horrible situations.  Now, I realize we have to raise up strong women and moms so child never end up in horrible situations.  We have to be real.  We have to be transparent.  We have to love without judgment.

I've had a baby who was 'difficult' and turned into an okay toddler.  I will digress here and point out we were new parents, he was a new human, and none of us had a clue what we were doing, so it's not entirely on him.  I've had the world's easiest baby who turned into a terror of a toddler.  Then I had Ezra--and well, he's the third, so, you know (right???).  I've had them all.  I've been so deep in the pit of postpartum depression, I scared myself and didn't tell a soul.  I know how difficult motherhood can be.  It's exhausting and there are times you feel you just can't do it anymore.  And you know what?  It's really okay to say that out loud!  And it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to cry, and it's okay to pick yourself back up--with help, if you want--and keep going.  There is no shame in the game, as these kids these days are saying.  I also know how rewarding motherhood is, and how we often need just a few minutes to regroup so we can remember that.  Sometimes we need a friend to remind us of that, too.

These are the things we need to be doing for each other.  We need to be raising each other up, not counting points as we tear each other down.  "Therefore, encourage one another, and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."  --1 Thess. 5:11

Mamas, please allow me to be your unicorn.  I would love to do these things, and more, for you.

For you fellow unicorns--I freaking love you.  You're amazing and incredible and great job and keep on and please don't ever stop!!!!

For those of you thinking about unicorning--take up your alicorn, mount it right on your forehead for the world to see, and join us!

Because--well, you already know--you're unicorns, babes.