"You Just Need to Smile!"

The other day while at the drive through, the teenage cashier admonished me, "Ma'am, you look so sad!  You just need to smile," with a super-happy smile of her own I could hear in her voice through her mask.

I fully expected a mini van with a "live, laugh, love" sticker emblazoned across the back window to magically appear in front of me, but I digress. 

I really, really wanted to take the opportunity to educate this young lady about 'just smiling.'  I wanted to suggest some alternatives to demanding I smile.  Instead, I muttered something about just being tired (my go-to answer for the past two years).  I know she (thought) she meant well, which was the main reason I let it go.  

Also--this is just my face, girlfriend.

Here is what I want you, my readers, to take away from my experience:

While studies have shown that 'just smiling' can in fact impact your overall feelings of well being, it's not going to magically improve the single solitary molecule of serotonin bouncing around half-heartedly in your brain.  'Thinking positively' absolutely has its place... 

--BUT--

There are many things one should take into account before commanding someone to smile (or even pray).  For argument's sake, let's just assume the person doesn't understand s/he is being rude and dismissive.

The person could be grieving a profound loss--be it a person, a job, an identity, their home, a pet or a marriage.  The woman you chastise might be battling postpartum depression and feelings of inadequacy as a new (or even seasoned) mama.  Depression, bad news, poor physical, spiritual and mental health, stress--these are all only a smattering of reasons a person may not be smiling.  Reminding any of these people to just smile invalidates their circumstances.  It is even toxic.

My point is, you never know the demons another person is holding inside her/himself.  It's absolutely a necessity to remain kind, and even better to allow others the knowledge they are both seen and heard, but demanding a smile is seldom, if ever, the route to take to get there.