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No means no, right?  To some people, yes.  That's enough, it's all they need to hear.  Message received.  For others, it's a line to be crossed or a boundary to be flat out ignored.  It's a challenge, even.

One thing we've tried to raise our children with is "No is a complete sentence."  That's it.  "No."  Full stop.

This is handy for parenting (when it works, sigh) but for me, more importantly, it falls under the incredibly critical life skill for setting boundaries.  My children absolutely must be capable of saying no to friends, family, peers, strangers, and even adults who play large roles in their lives, such as their therapists, other parents within our homeschool community, friends' parents, and those we know from church.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I want my children to have the confidence, and know they have the support to say "No" to adults.  Most crimes committed against (vulnerable) children are committed by an adult they know and trust.  It is important my children know how to self-advocate, so being able to say no and stick to it is high on my list of priorities. 

Knowing how to say no is imperative concerning things which are unhealthy, dangerous, illegal and uncomfortable.  This is crucial when you are at risk of being taken advantage of, overextending yourself and people-pleasing.  It is even essential when you simply do not want to do something.

Digression: We all have things we don't want to do but we must do them anyway.  Sometimes they are scary and uncomfortable, or even feel as though they could be unsafe.  But we must to tackle these tasks for growth, maturity and daily life.  I'm not addressing those responsibilities.  What I'm speaking to here are boundaries one must put in place for an emotionally and physically safe, healthy life.

"No," can also sound like "I don't want to," "Please leave me alone," "I asked you to stop bothering me," "I'm blocking your number/social media privileges," "That makes me uncomfortable," and "That doesn't sound safe."  There are any number of ways to say no, but it still means NO.

You do not owe the other person an explanation, a reason, or elaboration of any kind.  When you are taking care of yourself and your family by using this word, there is no need to feel guilty.  The irony here is how often Avery calls me out on this.  "Mom, you always tell us to stand firm in our no because it's a full sentence, but you just gave that person a laundry list of reasons."  Perhaps this is why it's so important to me for my children to be able to self advocate--because I still have great difficulty with it.

I practice this quite a bit with the littles: Tone of voice (say it nicely yet firm, no need to be rude about it), facial expressions, how to walk away or otherwise end the conversation when No is not accepted, blocking phone numbers, game users, etc.  It's important they understand someone unwilling to accept No as their answer is not being persistent, but is being disrespectful.  They need to be able to recognize coercion, abuse, harassment and other red flags.  

There are any number of reasons why people might violate such boundaries.  Perhaps there is a mental health disorder, or they simply weren't taught respect.

Bear in mind, the opposite is also true: My children are learning to accept no as a complete sentence from others, also.  As respectable boys growing into respectable men, as human beings in general, this matters.  

Would I be teaching this to my children if they did not have autism?  Absolutely.  But, they do have autism, making lessons like this one even more significant.  The world operates differently than they do and they need to be aware of this.  Am I at risk of making my kids cynical and skeptical of the world?  Too late, they already are.  Probably.  But just as with anything in parenthood, it's a balance that must be taught.

Here's a quick lesson for you: If any of my kids tell you no in any way, shape or form, they mean it.  Have the decency to respect them.