Healing

(Edit: This was written last weekend but not posted until now)

I've needed a good day, a good time, a really good something, anything--to just be able to sit back and be--still, present, in the moment--with my family and take it all in.  It's been a long time coming.

I've needed to laugh, to dance, to smile, be silly.  To just remember how happy feels.  To be swallowed up with happy.  I've forgotten what it feels like.  To have fun.  To just be with the ones I love the most, and have a really amazing wonderful time and enjoy myself--to feel safe, to feel secure.  To KNOW I'm safe.  To know it's all okay and it will be okay.  To laugh and live out loud.

Do you ever watch your family--like one of those out of body kind of experiences-- with overwhelming happiness and joy and just think to yourself, "That's it right there.  That's my whole heart.  They're my whole world,"?  You're fully participating, but you're also an intense observer, watching from the outside looking in.  You feel the warmth emanating from the moment, you find yourself caught up in the laughter--your face even hurts from smiling so hard and so big.

And just like that--your shoulders relax.  Your body gives in to itself, it gives in to the moment.  You throw your head back with unmistakable laughter.  You are faced with a reality you knew all along, but still needed a reminder of--especially during and after the low, dark'\ times--those who matter, those who are important, those who make your world go round.  All the tears, the screams, the pent up anger you've been holding in--finally released in moments just like this.  

Tonight, I finally let go. 

I allowed myself to feel everything I needed to feel, every emotion, both good and bad.  I allowed my brain, heart and body to express those emotions fully.  

I did just that tonight.  I let go.  Finally.  And I'm here to tell you--it felt absolutely incredible.