Conversations with My Brain

After suffering through an unrelenting week-long migraine combined with excruciating neck and shoulder pain, I had a medical massage this morning.  My usual rescue meds and tricks were useless, resulting in my FNP prescribing the 'big guns' in the hopes of at least taking the edge off.  

Physically relaxing my body and clearing my mind is a chore for me.  It is not something that has ever come naturally, and my efforts to relax often mean I try too hard.  This always results in a ridiculously exceptional FAIL.  Sometimes I laugh about these internal monologue fails, sometimes I scream internally, and other times I just do both, because why not?  My brain reacts similarly to attempts at falling asleep--typically dredging up situations from 40 years ago.  On those nights, my brain turns into Elsa... "Let it gooooo!  Let it gooooo!  Just let it freaking gooooo!"  I guess you could say this level of attention my brain gives me when I don't need or want it is the norm.  It's an entirely different story when I actually need my brain to work!  It's always times like this when I need my brain to cooperate that it goes the most rogue.

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Me to my body and brain: Okay, look, we took our anxiety meds and a muscle relaxer before we got here, so we're really going to do it this time.  We're really going to clear our mind and relax our body.  Breathe in, 1, 2, 3... breathe out, 1, 2, 3.  Blank slate.  Free your mind...

My brain: Oh! I know this one!  I know it!  "Free your mind, And the rest will follow!  Be color-blind, Don't be so shallow!"  I told you I knew it!!

Me:  Oh my gosh, seriously.  Please stop.  Please just relax....

Brain: "Relax, don't do it..."

Me:  Seriously?  THAT'S the song you came up with?

Brain: *reenacts diner scene from When Harry Met Sally*  OHHHH YES!  RIGHT THERE!  JUST.  RIGHT.  THERE.  DEEPER!  HARDER!  OH YES!  JUST LIKE THAT!!!

Me:  WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?????

Brain:  Well, I am you, after all.  How else would I be????

Me:  *as the massage is ending*  Wow, that went fast.  I can't believe it's over already.  There's no way it's over already.  It can't be!  It's not possible! NO!

Brain:  "It must have been love, But it's over now..."

Me:  Great job.  You just wasted an hour rambling on and on, singing random song lyrics and movie lines when you were supposed to be relaxing, lyrics and lines you can't remember on a good day, but manage to pull out of thin air when we're SUPPOSED TO BE RELAXING!

Brain: *attempting to communicate telepathically with therapist*  "If I should stay, I would only be in your way... So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way... And I will always love you, I will always love you, You, My darling you..."

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So tell me, do you relate to this, or does your brain behave?