Sometimes I can pinpoint why we have a bad day: I've lost my sense of humor and it remains hidden; Noah is having more difficulty than usual with self control, inattentiveness and distractibility; Noah is stressed about something--or I'm the one who is stressed and Noah "feeds" off mine; there's a time constraint, and so on. Any number of things that might seem little to me or you can throw off Noah's entire day. We pick ourselves up and move on, but Noah is still learning it's okay to pick up and move on.
Just as I can pinpoint the reasons for a bad day, I can pinpoint the reasons for a good one, also: I am able to relax and maintain my sense of humor while conquering all of my maternal and wifely duties; Noah is able to concentrate, stay calm and remain focused; we might take more breaks than usual; Noah takes things in stride instead of panicking about them--and so on.
Recently, I talked with Noah's doctor about either increasing his current medication or adding another one to the current one. I'm really not in favor of either one, but I've reached a certain point where I've realized Noah needs some sort of "chemical help" in order to function. Noah agreed that he wasn't feeling any different or better with the dose he was on. Shawn and I have noticed small differences, but not enough towards what we have hoped for Noah. The poor kid is rearranging store shelves (yet his room remains a disaster...), pushing buttons obsessively on lotto machines and any other machine, bouncing/rocking on the couch rhythmically and having numerous panic attacks. I won't even begin to bore you with his inattention, lack of self control, distractibility and impulsivity!
Anyway, his doctor said we could either increase his current medication or add something at night that would carry over into the morning. I did some reading about this medication and talked to other parents who have had children on it. My gut was telling me this medicine was wrong for my son. It would make him sleepy at night, which was good. But the "carry over," from my reading and talks with other parents, would most likely make him dopey and zombie-like. It wouldn't actually be working on the brain chemicals and helping him in that respect; Noah would be compliant only because he was tired. I didn't like the sound of that at all and it really scared me. In the end, we decided to increase his current medication to see how he does with that. He hasn't been on the increased dose long enough for us to see a change, so we'll have to continue to watch and wait.
In my mind, I have a course of medicinal action I'd like to see Noah be able to try. Other parents with similar children have tried some of these and had great success. The problem is finding a doctor who understands that while I don't have "M.D." after my name, I do have "Noah's Mom" after it. I've done my reading, I've talked with other parents and I've seen their children in action. It's frustrating having a doctor who views me as "just a mom." Shouldn't that count for something??!?
Some of Noah's behaviors I'm learning to accept and see as "normal." I constantly quiz my friends about their children who are the same age as Noah. They laugh and assure me that while we may lean toward many Aspy tendencies, most of the things I ask them about are things boys never grow out of. *groan* Then there are the Aspy behaviors: the ones I need to learn and accept because they are part of who Noah is and always will be. I'm the one who needs to change, not Noah.
Noah is continuing to do well with horseback riding. I'm just so proud of his accomplishments! Atop a horse, Noah is confident, calm, stable and happy: A complete 180 degrees from how he is with anything else. He continues to be naturally successful with riding and is proud of his own accomplishments. Noah is more independent on his horse now, riding without side walkers or a lead walker. He has even begun trotting on his own! His instructor is just wonderful, allowing Noah to go into the pasture with her to "catch" his horse, brush, feed, tack up and then untack when he's finished riding. Noah has even been walking his horse into the riding ring on his own! This program continues to be a light for our entire family. We begin our Monday mornings with the "pippy pops" (as Avery calls them) and it seems to center our entire week. My face often hurts from smiling so much while I watch my son ride! Noah was recently involved in a horse show at his riding center and won third place in the two events he participated in! I was proud of him for not having meltdowns over not winning first place and understanding some of the other children in the event might not be as capable as he is with the horses. Noah was upset about having to ride with sidewalkers and a lead, but we explained to him that in order for it to be fair for all the children, and because of all the commotion at the event, the walkers were a safety requirement. Noah's instructor also let him wear his Halloween costume to ride on Halloween! When we went trick or treating later that night, Noah told me his costume didn't feel complete with Justin! We've found an excellent counselor for Noah; he homeschools his children with his wife, he is a Christian (so he shares many of our views and morals, which is nice because he's working with our son!) and has just been such a blessing to our family. He is supportive of many of the decisions we have made for Noah in the area of personal responsibility, and he's working with Noah on learning how to take more responsibility for himself and his actions. They've only met a few times, but I do see a more confident child emerging from within Noah. This gentleman takes Noah for walks during their sessions, and I know Noah listens and functions better when he is active. They are also working on ways for Noah to control his panic attacks, rather than allowing his panic attacks to control him. It's wonderful.
Noah had a great week last week. He was really on top of his school work and chores, and was just a good helper in general. On Tuesday I treated the boys to a morning at an indoor playplace. Normally, Noah has difficulty with these types of settings and tends to get way out of control. I had a talk with him the night before and again on the way there. I reminded him that he would be the biggest and oldest child there, then asked him to tell me some ways he could set the example for the smaller children. I also asked him to tell me how another mom would feel if she saw him careening towards her toddler. We talked about safe play behavior and a few other rules. I was so proud of him when he was able to maintain his composure (and even stand up for his brother against some other not-so-well-behaved children!) and still have fun! We went rollerskating on Friday and again, he did a fabulous job of holding it all together! He spent more time on his hands and knees than he did on his feet, but I was so proud when he didn't get angry and give up. The lights and music were a little beyond what we can usually handle, but even with those disturbances, he still did very well. I think the fact that he did not get angry and frustrated, and then give up, says a lot about how far he's come in the past year. He was reduced to tears when one of his friends got a little bossy with him, but he was able to perk up and come out of it on his own. Noah also had a drama club workshop that same evening and sometimes that can be a little much for him, but he seemed to do well and have fun there, also.
There have been a few "Noah-isms" lately that have had me laughing. My favorite one was the other day on our way into the grocery store. Noah piped up with "Come on Mom, let's show Safeway how the Furrs do groceries!" I told a friend about it and she said, "With harnesses, helmets and squealing tires!"
