Valentine's Day

Hate is a strong word, but, I hate Valentine's Day.  There, I said it.

For the record though, it is not my husband's fault.  He's a good man.  We've been together for almost 20 years, married for 14 of those, and even in our poorer-than-church-mice years, he's always tried to do right by me, even when I've asked him not to.

And no, it's not because some mean boy broke my heart, either.

It's me.  No, really, it is.  It's all me.  This post is going to make me sound like a bitter old hag....  But here goes.  I do have a point in here somewhere.  And no, I don't hate love.  Love is great!  It's the holiday I can't stand.

Growing up as a young naive girl, I listened to my mother rant about this pointless holiday: It's merely a market for card companies to rack up their earnings.  It's expensive, a waste of money, flowers die, candy melts (if it doesn't add 10 pounds first), cards get thrown away, jewelry sparkles for only a little while.  I can even vividly remember an instance when my father tried to surprise her with flowers and she exclaimed they were such a waste of money.  Maybe if my father had done the holiday (and every other day) 'right,' her attitude would've been different, but I can't know that for sure.  Wanting to be a hopeless romantic, I silently berated her for being so bitter, so cynical, so jaded.  So WRONG!

Anyway, as that young naive girl, I believed that once I had a boyfriend, I would be complete.  Then I could celebrate Valentine's Day properly!  And a husband--oh, surely that would complete me, complete my life.  After all, God made me to love and be loved!  He molded me to be a Psalms 31 wife (ok, so that molding there might be just a little cracked....)!

And I realized--Valentine's Day is a yearly prom.  All that build up, and one single day can ruin it if it's not done 'right.'  Did you know that suicide rates and divorce filings skyrocket more on Valentine's Day than any other in the entire year?  More than Christmas or any other holiday?  Yup.

For much of society, this holiday is not even about showing our love.  It's about proving to the world that we do, in fact, have someone to celebrate with...  And the rest of you don't.  Nanny nanny boo boo.  It's about one-upping each other, bragging, singling people out.  It's a holiday that tells young girls they are incomplete without a boyfriend, spouse, life partner.  You are destined for crazy cat-ladyhood without a special someone.  It's a holiday that tells 'old marrieds' that if he didn't do the holiday for you the way your friend's husband did for her, well, your marriage is doomed and he know longer loves you.

When expectations aren't met, arguments ensue.  Boyfriends and husbands alike end up in the doghouse, if they don't put themselves in deep debt first.   Young girls without beaus watch other girls with envy, wishing they could crawl into their lockers and die.  Parents who fail to properly shower their children with commercialized love on this one particular day are resented.  Christian women and girls (usually the ones with significant others) proclaim that "Jesus will be your husband!"

So, here's my thing with the holiday--it's a serious cop out for the other 364 days of the year.  Human beings across the planet wrongly assume that they can make up for the rest of the year with this one day.  We can be bitter, we can fight, we can take for granted, we can be anything we want to be, as long as we buy balloons, dinner, candy, flowers and jewelry on this one single day to prove our love.  The truth is, I don't want all of that on this one single day if I'm not receiving confirmation of love on the other days.  Sure, flowers are nice--but I kind of like receiving them during other months too.  And ladies, let's be honest--a back or foot rub, a day without the kids, grocery shopping done for us (while sticking to the list....), having a clean house without having to lift a finger--well, those things often go much further than the obligatory flowers, candy and jewelry any day of the week.

Someone pointed out yesterday that we love because God first loved us.  YES!  But, what would happen if God said to us, "Okay, I'm going to set this one day here aside, and this is the only day I'm going to show my love and prove it to you"?  Just let that settle in for a minute.

If you are already carrying out your love every day, if every day is already Valentine's Day, I applaud you.  If, however, you think you only have to celebrate your love that one day every year, you might have some thinking to do.

Just sayin'.