The Rantings of a Mad Mommy

I debated for a bit what to call this one--Stop the Mommy Wars, Stop the Hate, Don't Judge--then I decided, oh heck, let's just call it like it is.

I'm mad, I'm feeling defensive, and I'm tired of being judged as a mom.  I'm tired of my decisions regarding my family being judged by complete strangers who have never walked an hour in our shoes, and wouldn't last five minutes.  I resent feeling so defensive as a parent, I resent feeling so attacked.  So here I am, once again, ranting and explaining my decisions to you.

I'm sensitive, I take things personally, even blanket statements made by strangers who are unaware of me being in the room as they spout off intolerantly, unaware of my walk in life, unaware of my child's walk in life.  I am unable to let criticism roll off my back.  Instead, I bang my head against it for several days, allowing it to build up.  Ironically, I am also unable to confront it head on--but I'm convinced this is most likely God's way of saving lives....

I know I've harped on this point before--but please, think before you speak.  Especially in public.  Especially when others are present, especially when you don't know their life journey, especially when you have no freakin' clue what you're talking about.  

I had a run in the other day with another ignoramus.  This woman was spouting off to the cashier about "those lazy parents who medicate their poor kids when all those kids really need is extra love and attention, but the parents are just too self centered to understand that."  I REALLY had trouble stepping back, not sticking my finger in her face, and not giving her a piece of my mind (again, saving lives....).  Seriously?

I was tempted to introduce myself to this woman and tell her about a day in the life of us.  I wanted to ask her if she feels parents of children with diabetes, epilepsy and cancer are also lazy because their children require medication.  Would she have me withhold Avery's asthma and allergy medication from him during a severe attack, instead telling him that my extra love and attention will save him?  I wanted to ask her what her experience with kids like mine is: Is it limited to the grocery store line where she glares at the parent with the out of control child, wondering why the parent is so lazy and doesn't do more to control her kid?  I wanted to invited her to spend a day in my shoes, knowing she wouldn't last an hour.

Okay, here's the thing.  Medicating Noah does not make me lazy--it makes me a smart parent.  It may not seem life saving to you, but to us, it is.  His antidepressant keeps my child from wanting to harm himself.  It has allowed counseling to be helpful so we can 'retrain' his thinking, self esteem and life.  It has allowed him to choose a healthier path in life.  Noah's ADHD medications keep him from walking into traffic, from failing in school, they help him concentrate better on tasks at home, and help him pay attention better so he, and others around him, are safer.  So yes, Noah's meds are life saving.

I am not a lazy parent.  I am on top of Noah.  We have various charts, notes and reminders on just about every single wall of our house.  I did not medicate Noah and throw him to the wolves.  We are active parents.  We also do not use medication as Noah's only means of support.  Noah currently receives counseling and equine therapy (which is so much more than merely riding a horse, thank you very much), and he is an active member of Boy Scouts.  He's been through social skills groups, we homeschooled for a year, he's been in OT, received speech therapy, and physical therapy.  My husband and I keep current on journal articles and the latest studies.  We make sure he gets the supplements and extra protein he needs, we use alternative therapies when we can.

Administering medication to my child was not a decision I made lightly. You don't understand the turmoil in my heart, and in my head. I used to be one of those ignoramuses who spouted off unintelligently about lazy parents! The self criticism I put myself through, and how the decision almost caused the end of my marriage.  Once I came out of my own denial and realized Noah needed this extra support, I almost had to choose between my child and my husband.  We put off the medication decision as long as we possibly could.  We were unnecessarily hard on Noah, telling him he could do what he really can't, expecting the unfair and impossible from him.  I felt as though I was giving up on Noah when I gave him that first dose.  I felt like such a failure as his mom when I dropped that first prescription off at the pharmacy.  I prayed over each and every single bottle of pills.    When teachers had to have the "your child is a danger to himself and others because he's so clueless" discussion with us numerous times, we realized he needed more help than we were giving him.  To some, it may sound like an excuse when I tell you Noah literally cannot control some of his impulses, but to me---this is our life.  This is our daily life.  He really, honestly cannot help it.  My hope, my prayer, is the meds give him the boost he needs as he matures to learn these things.  Until then, I will continue to choose what is best for my child, and that includes medication.  It has taken me a long time to realize I did not fail him, I am not a failure, and I did not give up on him.  I am giving him the tools he needs to be a functional, successful member of society.

Are there parents out there who medicate because it's just the easier thing to do?  Are there doctors out there willing to provide prescriptions to those parents?  Yes, and sadly, yes.  But for the record--our family, and Noah's doctors do not fall in that category.

Now please, shut your mouth.  Keep it shut.  Keep your judgment and ignorance to yourself.  Take your opinions, and just walk away.