Speak Life

I'm opening this post with these two life-saving links.  The phone number for the national suicide prevention hotline is 800-273-8255.  If you, or someone you love is in crisis right now, please don't delay.  Please head straight to the emergency room and get help.  I can't stress that enough.  You are special, you are loved, you are important, you are needed and wanted.  You deserve help, your family and loved ones deserve for you to help yourself.  Your life has value and meaning.  There is a reason for you, please don't give up.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=urgent_crisis_hotline

I don't normally react to the deaths of celebrities.  I just don't.  Yes, it is sad that someone has died, that family and friends have lost a loved one.  I'm not heartless, but it is sadder to me when someone I know, or someone a friend dearly loves, dies.  I don't see how a celebrity's death is any sadder or more important merely because the person was famous.  Besides that, nine times out of ten, their deaths are due to some sort of stupidity that was entirely preventable.  So, I'm not normally rattled by their deaths.

However, Robin Williams' death has slammed into me.  I did actually cry.  Why?  Not really even because of who it was, but how it was that he died.  It hits close to home.  It's sad, it's tragic, it's awful. I'm all too familiar with the type of depression that can lead to suicidal thoughts and actions.

Depression is not merely being sad.  Depression is a deep, dark pit from which you cannot simply crawl out of and get over.  There is no "today is going to be a great day" mindset that needs to be changed.  Depression can rule, run and destroy lives.

What hits home is that I've been there.  The desire for the pain to just be over with.  'Knowing' that your family and friends will be better off without you dragging them down--they'll move on and find someone better who will treat them how they deserve to be treated, right?  WRONG.  There is no replacing you, there is no finding someone better.

Suicide is selfish.  I never gave a second thought to leaving my son childless, to leaving my husband without a wife and life partner.  I had given up, and did not want to continue on.  I gave no thought to who would find me, how they would find me--it was all about myself.  I did not consider the damage it would do to my son, knowing that I had chosen death over him, that I had chosen suicide over watching him grow up and being there for him. I just wanted out.  I was desperate for the pain to be over.  Now I am desperate to live.  I will not let this depression rule our lives.  I would've missed out on so much now.

You might think things will get better for you, but think of your family left behind to pick up the pieces.  They might blame themselves.  They might wonder why they didn't see the signs, what they could've/should've done differently.  What about the person who finds you?  What if that person is your child?  The emotional damage you are leaving behind is far worse than anything you can imagine.

Suicide is selfish, but I can still understand how easily and quickly it can get to that point when you are in those depths.  It seems there is no way out.  Looking back, I see the way out now.  When you're in the midst of it, it's so very hard to see that light, but it is there.

I urge you, implore you--if you are suffering, please talk to someone you trust.  Get help, and don't put it off any longer.  You are so loved, you are so precious. You are not alone.  I know it doesn't feel like it now, but I can tell you without a doubt--your family is never better off without you.  Get healthy, find something to cling to, and hang on to that.  You are here for a reason.  Speak up for yourself.

Watch your children carefully. Watch new parents closely.  Keep an eye on your friends and family.  Know the signs, symptoms and risk factors.  Ask questions.  It's better to ask and know, than it is to have regret.  Be the light, speak life.  Be more afraid of what could happen if you don't speak up, than what could happen if you do.  Many times, those of us with depression don't know how to ask for help.  We don't know what to say, or we are so far down that rabbit hole that we can't.  Our self esteem rules the 'voices in our heads' and we tell ourselves we are unworthy of help.  Sometimes, it takes a friend to say, "Hey, you are important, I love you, and I see you suffering."  Say it with love, without anger, without judgement.

If you are watching your friend or loved one suffer,  I know you are also suffering.  I think back on everything I've put my husband and sons through, and my biggest regret is not getting help sooner.  I urge you to also get help, and to do what you can for your loved one.  Please take the time to understand and learn about depression and suicide.  Please don't ever tell someone to 'just get over it.' This is not something that can just be gotten over.  Your loved one is sick.  I urge you to walk that fine line between helping and codependency, to help your loved one get help.  Whatever you have to do within your power, please do it before you lose your loved one forever.