What I Hope I've Taught My Children

As parents, we hope our children never stop learning from us.  As Avery's and Noah's mom, I often panic, putting things in a time frame, "Oh no, I only have five more years before Noah leaves for college, how am I going to fit everything I still need to teach him into that?"  Only five more years.....

Every so often I will actually ask them what they've learned from me so far.  What have I taught you?  What will be my legacy?  What will you remember from me?  I want to make sure I'm 'doing right' by my children.  I want to leave a legacy of love, a full life well lived, good examples they will carry on with their own families.

My brain works fast and won't stop, so I thought I would try to write down some of the things I want them to remember.  Some day I will share some of my blog posts with them, maybe have them printed in books for them--and this will be among their stories.

My Dear Boys,
*Remember to make eye contact.  It lets people know you are listening, it shows respect, and it shows the person, and what he is saying, is important to you.

*Use your manners, even when others aren't--especially when others aren't. Yes maaam, no maam, thank you, please, you're welcome.  Hold doors open for others, and when you do, wish them a good day.  When paying at a cash register, ordering food, interacting with others, don't multi-task.  Put your phone down and give the other person the respect and time they deserve.

*Love your brother.  When Daddy and I are gone, you two are all you will have.  Choose each other, love each other, talk daily.  Have family vacations together, and spend time together.  Family is important.

*Build friendships that will last.  Have plenty of best friends, and acquaintances.  Treat your friends like family, love them, spend time with them.

*Go to church.  Remember to thank God for all He has given you.  Remember everything He has done for our family.  Follow His examples as daddies to your children, and as husbands to your wives. Follow His advice, His ways, His instructions in life, and you can't go wrong.

*Stay clean.  Wash your clothes, yourself, keep a clean home.  Keep your mind as clean as your body.

*Revere, cherish and honor your family.  When you marry, marry your best friend.  Find someone who loves you just as you are, who makes you laugh, holds your hand, walks with Christ, shares your values and morals.  Raise your children with love and laughter.  Remember they are children, and forgive them always.  They need you, and you need them.  Your family will complete you.

*Find your passion, and follow it.  Do what you love, and love what you do.  Make sure you are happy.  You will need an identity outside of being dad, husband, co-worker, but don't allow your passion to be a detriment to your family life.  Family comes first.  Make sure your wife has a chance to pursue an identity outside of motherhood as well.  Together, pursue a life outside of parenthood.  Cultivate your marriage, for one day your children will be grown, and it will just be the two of you again.

*I will always be proud of you.  There is nothing you can do in life to lose my love.  You are my joy, my pride, my passion, my peace, my strength.  You've made me cry, you've made my laugh, you've made me grateful for so very much.  You've taught me so much about parenting, myself, and life in general.  I will always be grateful I got to be your mom.  That said, don't ever take my love for you for granted.  Please don't disappoint me.

*Never stop learning.  You are a student in life, whether you are in school or not.  There is never a point at which you know everything.

*Forgive.  Unforgiveness eats away more at you, it hurts you more than the other person, and it makes you the worse person.  It does not bother the other person.  There are times we must continually forgive the same person for the same thing.  There are things we must accept about some people when we love them.  In the same token, when you've been wrong to someone, ask forgiveness.  And mean it.  Always say you're sorry.

*In accepting things about people we love, don't put up with abuse and toxic people.  You don't need that, and you don't deserve that.

*Be you, and be proud of who you are.  Be true to yourself, your roots, and what your dad and I have taught you morally and ethically.  Don't compromise yourself or your values.  Remember, weird is the new awesome, and your parents made you awesome!  Embrace your unique character, embrace your differences, don't ever try to be anyone else.

*Read.  For knowledge, for fun, for family time.

*Get good grades.  They are not the end all and be all, but they are very important, and will help you get where you need, and want, to be in life.  Study what you want, and do well.  Go to college, go to a trade school, further yourself and your education.  Provide well for your family, always put them first.  Be the best you that you can be so you can put them first.  Whatever you choose to do, be the best at it.

*Cook with your family.  The best magic happens when everyone is working together and laughing in the kitchen.

*Don't forget to be silly, and remember to laugh.  Life is what we make it, so make it fun.  Dance with your wives and daughters, wrestle and sword fight with your sons.  Go for family hikes, go to the park, the pool. Camp in the backyard, and teach your children how to cook over a fire.  If there is a photo booth in the middle of the mall, it's a chance for some good family portraits! Wake your children up for meteor showers and moonlit snowfalls.  Don't forget to make memories.

*My goal with you has to been to be a better parent to you than my parents were to me.  I have always wanted nothing more than to be the mom you deserve to have.  Some days I make it, other days I miss that mark entirely.  I am not perfect, but I'm trying.  Please do the same for your children--I want you to be a better parent than I am, to be the dad your children deserve.  Remember what you've loved about how I've raised you and use that, and remember what wasn't so good, and change that.  Don't repeat unhealthy cycles--your dad and I have worked hard to break cyles, and I hope that's something you remember in raising your own children.

*Compliment your wives and children every day.  End each day on a good note. That will get harder in the teenage years!  :)  Always remember to tell them you love them, read them stories, and make bedtime routines.  Don't go to bed angry.  Don't punish your children, discipline them with love instead.  Teach them, lead them by examples.  Play with your children; be Ken to your daughter's Barbie, be Bumblebee to your son's Optimus.

*Play in the rain.

*Spoil your wives.  Don't just tell them you love them, SHOW them.

*Always have a servant's heart.  Serve others with grace and love.

*Remember there are those who have less than you, emotionally, spiritually, and materially.  Many times those with less than you are those who have more than you, and those with more than you actually have less.  If I've done my job well, you know the difference, and know what I mean by that.

*Don't be a doormat to others who treat you poorly.

*Go on dates with your children, not just your wives.

*Mistakes happen, you're human.  Learn from them, and don't let them happen again.  When you don't, mistakes become habits.  When possible, learn from the mistakes of others so you don't fall into the same traps.

*Respect all life, every life has meaning and value.  Have a sensitive heart.  Help others when you can.  Defend those who can't defend themselves, be the one who stands up for them.  I've raised you both to be world changers, and I want you to remember that.  Be the one who makes a difference.  "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world"--Dr. Seuss

*There will always be someone who is having a worse day than you, so remember to smile at those you pass by.  You never know how much of a difference that could make to someone.

*Pray. Daily, always, about everything.

*Listen.  Be still, be quiet, and listen.

*Be honest.  Don't lie.  The truth is always the best route, even when it will get you in trouble. Dishonesty will only get you in deeper.

*Be respectable.  In a world where I've taught you not to judge others, you are being judged.  You are being judged on your behaviors, your actions, your words, your manner of dress,  how you treat others--everything you do is up for judgement.  So, be above that.  Ask yourself, "What would Mom say if this got back to her?"

*Don't hold grudges, and settle your differences.  Holding on to bitterness only hurts you.

*When you ask someone about their day, how they are doing, and other 'social niceties'--MEAN IT.  Really mean it.  Be genuine.  Sometimes you have to say, "No, really, how are you REALLY doing?  I want to know because I care."  Most people ask these questions just to start a conversation, and don't really want a true answer, so most people respond with the expected "Fine."  Be the person who cares about hearing more than "fine."

*Attend your children's school, church and extracurricular functions, games, ceremonies, clubs and activities.  Know who your children are friends with, and know their parents. Make sure they know you, and always require phone numbers. Meet your children's teachers, club sponsors, youth leaders, coaches and anyone else who plays a role in their lives.  Make sure they know who you are.

*Raising children is not easy.  It's made easier by having other adults who speak life to your children. Choose those friends and adults wisely.  Make sure they are trustworthy, and worthy of your children.  You need them.  It really does take a village to raise chidlren, and you need that village.  Your children need that village too.

*Trust your instincts.  Sometimes a cute little puppy is really a snake in disguise.  Watch out for the snakes.

*You are your child's only, and best, advocate.  Out of everyone else in their village, only you truly know them best, and have their best interests at heart.

*Be kind.  Everyone is fighting a battle.  

*Not everyone knows how to ask for help, or likes to ask for help, so offer it.