Beauty

Recently, I've been asked "What makes you feel beautiful?"

That's a tough one for me.  It really is.  I did not grow up feeling beautiful, nor did I hear that I was on a regular basis.  I still don't share photos of my childhood because of how I felt about myself then.  I was really quite ugly.  I had a horrible haircut, and I remember hearing people tell my mother, on more than one occasion, "Your son has amazing eyes." I've always compared myself to others, and come up short against them.  I've never been able to be kind to myself.  Beautiful was the last thing I was.

For me, there's a difference between 'pretty' and 'beauty.' A person can be pretty in a certain outfit, with the right make-up--the 'right' accessories.  Beauty, I do believe, is something that a person feels about oneself.  It's something that shines from within, and shows on the outside.  'Pretty' is skin deep, whereas 'beauty' is something incredibly more.

There are times I've felt pretty.  I love getting dressed up for a date with my husband.  I love it when my make-up looks just right.  I love having just the right outfit. I seldom feel pretty every day, and when I do, it's a fleeting moment.

Still, I've struggled with my own beauty.  My husband reminds me I'm beautiful, and I rebuff him.  Someone tells me I have a beautiful heart, and I counter it with an insult aimed at myself.  Any compliments, my usual response is self-deprecating humor.

So, when this question was posed to me recently, I struggled for a bit.  And then I realized, there are ways I feel beautiful now.  You've come a loonnnnng way, baby.....

For me, beauty is, first and foremost, finding my worth from my Father.  HE says I'm beautiful.  HE says I am fearfully and wonderfully made--by HIM.  HE says I'm worthy, forgiven and loved.  I am treasured, chosen, and, did I mention--LOVED.  Wow.

I feel beautiful right now.  Being pregnant, there is just something to it.  But it's not so much how I look, it's how I feel.  I'm happy, content, and I feel healthy.  That is beauty.

Beauty is learning to embrace my age, and the gray hair and wrinkles that are coming with it.  It is catching my husband smiling at me, just gazing, me asking "What?" and him replying, "I just like to look at you."  Beauty is treasuring my children, and embracing my role as their mom.  Beauty is loving where I am in life, and accepting where God has placed me.  Beauty is having fun, enjoying friendships and family, and laughing like I've never laughed before.  It is finding joy in the things I'm able to do for others. It treasuring what I've been given, and treating myself with the same kindness I extend to others.  Beauty is loving the body I'm in, and telling myself every day, "You're worth it."

So, am I beautiful?  You betcha sweet bum I am.  And you are too.