Hindsight

We tried to move about ten years ago.  We were so desperate to move out of this neighborhood, we made a lot of mistakes, jumped the gun, ignored God, and generally screwed ourselves.  We had what we felt was the perfect house built for us, and the market crashed.  We couldn't give the house we live in away.  It all fell apart.  Frustrated, we gave up.

Hindsight is twenty/twenty.  Always.  At the time, we felt betrayed by God.  We wanted to know why we couldn't get out from this mess.  We continued to see the glaring problems, which daily became more problematic.  If it could go wrong with the house, the neighborhood, the school--it felt like it did.  We questioned God.  We railed against Him.  We felt screwed over.  We felt hopeless. Looking back, we really only had ourselves, as well as things beyond our control (the market) to blame, not God.  In the end, God actually saved us.

I mentioned hindsight.  It wasn't until a year or two later we were able to understand why God kept us here.  We've not always been happy about it, but we've been grateful for it. We've watched the community continue it's decline, but we've understood why we are still here.  The friends we've made, the experiences we've had, the things we've learned, the people we've met--if we'd moved, we wouldn't have had any of that.  We now know that original house was not our saving grace.  It was not what was right for us at the time, and it would be an even worse situation for us now.  It fell apart for a reason.  In hindsight, what really happened was it all fell together.

We outgrew our house five years ago.  Daunted by the market, the McMansions, foreclosures and new neighborhoods, we didn't even try to move.  There was no way we could compete with all of that.  How could we possibly sell not just a 30 year old house, but a 30 year old house in this neighborhood?

Now, we need to move.  We don't have a choice.  At first, we looked far away.  We even looked in another state that would keep Shawn's work commute relatively the same as it is now, and not put us more than an hour from church, and eventually, our favorite preschool.  What's 'funny' is, our realtor can't find anything we like in either of those other locations.  We see God trying to keep us close to our 'friend hub,' church, and original community.  We've taken three growing boys (is there enough space?  Enough room to roam?), three cats (our realtor laughs as I test the windows to make sure the screens are Jethro-escape-proof; "Now that's something I've never seen before!"), two adults, one dog (are there enough squirrels and birds to keep her happy?  Is the yard big enough?), 3 introverts (is it secluded?), an extrovert (are there enough children for him nearby?) and an-as-of-yet-unknown-personality into consideration.  We know what our family needs, versus what our family wants.  We are welcoming God into this decision, wanting to make sure we aren't being greedy or unreasonable.  We want Him to bless this next house, and we want it to be the right decision for our family.  We want to be in the home God wants us to be in, where our family will grow, prosper and be happy.

We want to be hopeful.  I want to be giddy, I want to be excited, I want to be able to imagine our family in the homes we are looking at.  We are afraid. The same fears about selling this house are still very prominent in our minds.  We've been hesitant to tell anyone what we're up to, and when we visit houses.  If we talk about it too much, it won't happen. We want this to work out.  We hope we have learned all the lessons God intended by keeping us here.  We hope this will be our turn.  A better place for our family with new memories and adventures.

Here's to hindsight, and the future.....