You've Earned Your Wings

Dearest Mirranda Grace,

I never knew you or your parents, but your death has devastated me.  I've prayed so hard for you, for your recovery, for your miracle, for your complete healing.  I know I'm not the only complete stranger in this position today.  I've prayed for the compassion of the hospital, I've prayed for your family, for your precious parents who have fought so hard for you.  I've fasted, my friends have fasted, my friends have prayed with me, and you've been a prayerful subject in our home.  I've prayed for you at the altar, both by myself and with an intercessor; I've cried out to God. I let loose with wailing sobs last night after my boys went to bed. I couldn't hold it in any longer.  My husband held me for the longest time while I cried about the unfairness of it, while I cried that if God could take your parents' miracle child, could He take ours, and repeatedly asking why He took you?  Eventually I woke up two of our boys, and they came down to comfort me. I just don't understand, precious one, I just don't understand.  Logically, I know your suffering is over--God couldn't stand to see you suffer here on earth anymore.  Your work was finished.  He just couldn't 'fix' you here.  So He took you Home, the only way He could heal you 100%.  You are healed, whole, better, running, laughing playing with other little girls.  But emotionally, in my mama heart--it just doesn't make sense.  I want to curl into a ball--but to honor your memory properly, I care for, and deeply love my own children even more than I already do. I play with them, laugh, joke, hug, kiss, chase them in a game even more.  I will spend each day watching them more carefully, being more grateful for them, and for their good health EVEN MORE.

I wanted so badly to just walk past you and your family in the grocery story one day, and just smile.  I  just wanted to see you bouncing, happy, laughing, healed, whole, not a single sign of the ordeal you'd been through.  I wanted to see your parents swinging you between them, looking down at you, love in their eyes, smiles on their faces, relief in their bodies.

You were their miracle child, your mom and dad's infertility child, the child they tried for for so long, and God finally gifted you to them.  It is difficult for me to understand why God took you from them so soon after granting you to them.

The doctors declared you brain dead.  They wanted to declare you legally dead, but your parents wouldn't have it.  They believed you were still in there, and rightfully so, declaring that God is the only one who has the last word.  They fought so hard against the hospital and the legal system.  They wanted to just take you home and care for you themselves.  What is came down to with the hospital, was the bottom line--you cost them money.  What a sad, unfortunate way to view a child--to view anyone's child.  How callous.  Your parents--what an amazing example to the rest of us.  How beautiful.

I'm not ready to take your name off our prayer wall.  You will remain up there for a while to come. I was never much of a prayer warrior before reading the first article about you, but there was just something--God said that I really needed to pray, and pray fervently, and I did.  My prayer mantra for you was, "Your breath, Your blood"--Jesus' breath, Jesus' blood, just for you, sweet girl.  Jesus breathing for you, his breath in your lungs, his blood rushing through your veins, healing you with each breath and each pump of your heart.  My prayer now will change for your soul, and for your family, for their recovery and healing, especially your dear mum, as this all began on her birthday.  I will also pray for those doctors and lawyers.  It may not be my place, but I personally need something good to come from this, whether I ever know about it or not.  Perhaps your parents' unwavering faith was/is a testimony to someone at the hospital or in the court, or someone else following the news articles about you, someone who needed to be led to, or back to God, someone who needed a reason to believe.

I can't properly explain how much you touched our lives here, or why.  I have a a few theories, but I won't go into those.  With each prayer I prayed every day, every hour, you gave my life more purpose.  I will never forget your amazing blue eyes and that beautiful smile of yours in the photo your parents distributed!! That is the you I choose to hold in my memory, rather than the photo of you in the coma, wires and tubes attaches. Thank you for allowing me the blessing of praying for you.  My tears are not over, but I know they will change over time as God gives me the vision of you playing in Heaven, pain free, and unencumbered by tubes and wires.

You've earned your wings, precious girl.  Fly free. And if you happen to meet a little girl with yellow hair name Grace, please tell her Mommy loves her very much, and some day we'll see each other.