Advice of the Two Cent Variety

Have you ever been given advice that maybe didn't feel quite right to you, but it was given to you by someone with more knowledge, or even an expert in that field, so you thought for certain you should just take it?

What happened? 

Perhaps you took the advice and it turned out well.  Perhaps you consulted others around you first.  Perhaps, it just really did not sit well with you after all, so you threw caution to the wind, and went with your heart, and your gut, instead.

The child rearing arena has a lot of those experts, and wanna-be experts. 

As first time parents, many of us cling to those how-to books like life rafts. We hang on every word our pediatricians say, and sign up for every message board we can find.  Oh, and how we obsessively research Every.  Little.  Thing.  And later, as more experienced parents, we fly by the seat of our pants, and wing it like everyone else!  Do not tell my children this.  They do not know we are not experts (Why are you laughing like that?). 

So, when I was in Target with Ezra the other day, and the cashier wanted my honest advice/opinion on 'cry it out,' which her doctor had just recommended for her seven month old, telling her he "should be able to self soothe and get himself to sleep by now," I reared back, told the customer in line behind me that it would be another minute or two, then I let that precious mama in on my little secret: Go with your gut. Go with your heart.  If it doesn't feel right, chances are good, it's not.  She seemed to sag with relief, telling me they'd let him cry for an hour the night before, then rocked him because they couldn't take it anymore.  If we'd had the time, I would have sat her down with coffee, held her hand, and talked with her more, listened more, mama to mama.  

Here's the thing, mamas: We know our babies better than anyone else.  Our pediatricians have textbook knowledge, which certainly has it’s time and place.  But we know our children. You know your 30 year old, who, when he moves back home, head hung in shame, needs a hug, a home cooked meal, and his bed made up for him—not a shaming lecture.  You know your 13 year old needs a gentle push out of the nest (or maybe a swift kick, depending on your child) to explore friendships.  And sometimes, just sometimes, your infant needs the comfort and reassurance of being rocked to sleep in your arms.  I hereby resist the temptation to get into breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, co-sleeping, bedsharing, homeschooling vs. public schooling vs. private schooling vs. unschooling, cloth-diapering, pacifiers, medication and ADHD diagnoses, organic vs. GMO, vaccinations, thumb-sucking and other mommy war and pediatrician battles.  All of these are okay.  It's okay if you do motherhood differently than your friend.  It's okay if you do it differently than the latest expert, or your pediatrician, recommends.  Ask yourself: Are your children happy, safe and loved?  Good, then what you’re doing is just fine.  You are okay, and so are your children. 

In child-rearing, as with anything in life, there are times to go with the book, and times to throw the book in the trash can.  Hold tight mamas, you're doing a wonderful job.