Avery Shall Overcome...

Avery has been battling anxiety to the nth degree for the past two and a half years, so this morning, when I found myself running through the front yard with him, both of us screaming, "I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU" while I carried a shovel and he carried a potted plant, I hardly batted an eye.

I should probably back up a bit.

Avery was always my fearless child, until almost three years ago.  Shawn and I can't pinpoint it, but we think it might have had something to do with a surgery he had.  He began having nightmares and started sleeping in our bed, became fearful of leaving us, became fearful of bugs and anything that crawls--his list of anxieties suddenly began to rival that of the tv character Adrian Monk from the old tv show Monk.  Things only got worse when we moved, and everything--EVERYTHING, results in meltdowns.  Some days we can go through upwards of five or six meltdowns. 

Side Note:  *If you don't know the differences between a meltdown and temper tantrum, please learn them.  Not every 'brat' in the grocery store is tantruming, and not every 'poor child' in the grocery store is melting down.*

There are days I know it's a good thing I'm not a drinker because, well, it wouldn't be pretty.  Hey, just being honest here--I'm a mom, not a martyr.  

We're working on things with the help of counseling, psychiatry, Avery's school, a lot of lean on me when you're not strong friends, some really great books, our church, and our own weird ways of doing things.  Sometimes we have to make Avery face his fear head on, and sometimes I have to take a page from my own childhood, going back to what I know I needed when I faced these things, and just hug him through it, rather than abandoning him with his fear and meltdown.  

Back to this morning.  

I needed Avery to move a plant from the garage to the front porch for me.  I needed him to do it, not Noah, not Shawn, not myself, because I needed Avery to work through his bee fear a little bit. This was one of those head on moments, but in a gentle parenting way.  So we stood in the garage and argued for a few minutes while he kicked my plant, flat out refusing, and pointing out all the (strangely, invisible) bees just waiting to swarm him.  I picked up a shovel and told him I would run ahead of him, ready to protect him from all organized bee attacks.  "NO!  They'll just attack me from behind!"  Duh, Mom. Then I tried building him up.  "You can totally do this!"  Annnnndddddd he screamed at me.  So I tried rationalizing with him--his size vs the bees' size, they're more scared of you than you are of them, blah blah blah.  He still was not going to touch that plant with a ten foot pole if his life depended on it.  And it hit me--Avery is about facts and science.  Why didn't I think about this before????  Duh.  I explained pheromones to him, that when he's afraid, his body gives off a scent the bees can smell, and that makes him attractive to them. His face lit up, and I could see the wheels turning.  Then he stepped out of the garage into the driveway and yelled, "I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID BEES?  I'M NOT AFRAID!"  He stepped back into the garage, said, "There, that should do it," picked up the plant, pointed to the shovel I was still holding, "But you're still carrying that, just in case," and off we ran, into the front yard, screaming like crazy people.  

Do you hear us, bees?  We're not afraid of you!!!