Be Kind As Mother's Day Approaches

I've made it no secret that I don't particularly care for Mother's Day.  I have so many reasons, many of which I've written about in years past.

I also have so many reasons to like it and want to celebrate, but yet, here I am.  And if we're going to get real up in here, mothers should be celebrated and appreciated every day, but that's another blog for another time.

Me, the woman who rolls her eyes so hard I give myself migraines, when everyone seems to scream "INCLUSIVITY FOR ALL" as I mutter, "Get over it and grow up," cannot stand this one holiday because it is so very un-inclusive for the ones who matter.

This is a really difficult week for a lot of women.  The reasons are infinite.

As so many are celebrating, there are still many women who are cringing, hiding and wanting to be left alone.  This weekend, they will avoid church.  They will avoid family get-togethers.  They will avoid going to the store, turning on the tv, opening up emails and social media.  They will avoid life.  Their precious hearts are in so much pain. 

I have, in fact, counseled some of these woman to do just that--avoid life in situations such as these.  Do whatever they need to do in order to protect their hearts.  They are allowed to not be okay.  They are grieving losses much of the world cannot comprehend.  Sometimes, they are grieving losses the world does not even consider to be losses.  

Have you ever felt the loss of something missing from your life, only to be told you couldn't possibly be grieving it because you never had it in the first place?  Imagine that for just a moment.  Knowing you are meant to be a mom, only to have someone tell you that you couldn't be missing a child because you never had one in the first place.  

Our church celebrates every single woman on Mother's Day, and it's something that thoroughly endears my church leadership to me.  I don't know if we would have stayed, even with everything else we love about our church, if not for this.

As we sit in church, walk through the grocery store, even as we sit around the family dinner table, we do not know each other's stories.   We do not know about birth moms and private adoptions, we do not know about abortions and miscarriages, we do not know about the longing in a young woman's heart as she and her husband sit together, praying, night after night, for that room down the hall to be filled with newborn crying and laughter.  For that matter--we also do not know about the woman who does not wish to become a mother, and is just quite plain sick and tired of answering the questions of the nosy people who want to know why.  We do not know about post-partum depression and difficulties and maternal guilt and resentment.  We do not know about mothers lost, and mothers estranged.

There are things we just don't talk about in polite conversation.

"Could you please pass the pepper?  I didn't get pregnant again this month."
"I don't want to be a mom and everyone thinks it's their business."
"I had an abortion my sophomore year of college.  Pass the salad."
"Oh, I didn't get a fork.  Yeah, my girlfriend put our child up for adoption and I don't know where he or she is now."
"Guess what everyone?  I'm pregnant after only a day of trying!"
"No one wants to hear about your ovaries Karen--oh hey, pass those eggs!"

See what I mean?  Awwwwkwarrrrdddd.

So please, be kind.

Do not automatically wish a woman Happy Mother's Day just because she is a woman.

Do celebrate the woman in her.  Celebrate the many ways she touches the lives of those around her.  Do hug her--HARD (or do not hug her--ask permission first).  Thank her for being part of your life. Tell her how much she means to you and those around her.  Pray with her, and pray over her--often.  Most importantly, respect her.  In all ways, respect her.