The Dress

Today was A's funeral.  I've been to funerals before, but this was by far the most difficult one I've ever been to.  Watching parents have to say goodbye to their child is just not what we deem fair in life.  Overall (as far as funerals go), it was a beautiful ceremony honoring A's life.  We were given the chance to talk about her and one person, a former teen from our youth group, captured her essence perfectly.  I laughed at some of the stories told, cried through a few more and managed to hold it together as I told mine.  A gave me two beautiful spiritual gifts, one during the service and one after, which I will forever hold dear.  Both were things I have been praying about and one is of great comfort to me.

A few days ago I looked through my closet trying to decide what to wear.  Oddly enough, this was of great concern for me.  I wanted to look nice and look "right" for my girl.  Two years ago I bought a dress that wasn't quite "me," but I loved it, so it came home with me anyway.  It has been hidden in the back of my closet for several different reasons.  When we bought it, I was too pregnant to wear it.  Then last year, I was too fat to wear it.  Then I've been too shy to wear it.   It's a little on the gothic side, very feminine and very pretty.  It is also very "A."  When I pulled it out of my closet, Shawn said, "That's the one!  It's not typical funeral garb, but A would have LOVED it, you know she would have.  She probably would have even tried to steal it right off you!"  I knew he was right, so the decision was made.

I received several compliments on the dress today, most of them centering around how much A would have liked it.  Her mom, my friend, commented on how much her daughter would have loved it and appreciated that I wore it for her. There were many jokes about how she would have tried to take it from me, how she would have been too thin for it, and many others to said they would have offered to to help her have it fitted!  I'm glad I wore the dress.  It seemed to help the day flow.  It helped me with my day, it helped me through the a difficult day.  I don't know if I will ever be able to wear it again, but it will forever be A's dress to me now.  Whenever I look at it in my closet, I will think of her and remember her with love.  Maybe I will be able to wear it and as I do, remember A and the fun times, remember her smile and her passionate love for life.  And maybe someday, there will be someone else who will remind me of A who will bear the honor of having the dress passed down to her.


Sweetie, I miss you so much.  I know you're okay now, I know you are with Jesus.  But I just miss you so much.   I love you always.  Thank you for everything you taught me about living life to its fullest.  Most of all, thank you for loving my sons as your brothers and for allowing me to love you as my daughter.


Matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." (NIV)