Out of the Box

I recently signed up with the Greetings Ministry at church.  I'm not sure what I was thinking because I really am not a people person.  I prefer to blend in with the crowd, stand in the back and not do anything that calls attention to myself.  I have difficulties with formalities and social niceties.  Some things just don't come naturally to me, so I tend to feel out of place quite easily.  I prefer behind-the-scenes work, rather than up front and personal.  My decision has been weighing on me heavily and truthfully, I wasn't looking forward to my turn.  I was seriously having some trouble with this out-of-the-box decision I'd made.

While we were getting ready for church this morning, I mentioned to Shawn that after seeing how this morning went as a greeter, I was thinking of suggesting the idea to Noah.  I could see it as a great opportunity for him to practice his social skills (I'm practicing mine, after all!) and to get out there where he'd have to deal with real people.  I saw it as an opportunity for him to mature, grow and be more responsible, as well.  Shawn agreed it sounded like a good idea (maybe I'll sign him up for it next!).

When we arrived at church, Noah asked if I had to sign up for the Greeting Ministry or if it was something I was told I had to do.  I explained the process and how I volunteered.  He sounded interested and asked a few more questions, which I answered.  Then I heard, "Mom?  Can I do it with you this morning?"

YES!!!!!!!  If this particular ministry is out of my box, it is HUGELY out of Noah's box.  I was proud of him for just asking if he could help!  This was a major step for Noah.  We had a quick talk about being mature, then practiced a few different ways he could greet people as they arrived, stressing eye contact and smiling.  I told him that some people like to shake hands or hug, so he might have to do that, too.  We've talked before about having a servant's heart (when we work at the center), so I stressed that point again, also.

I have to say, Noah made me proud today.  He served with me, greeting like a pro!  He remembered everything we'd talked about and did his very best.  Noah stuck it out all the way through to the end, but also letting me know when he'd had enough.  He was social, and as mature, calm and focused as a ten year old Aspy can be!  I'm super proud of him today!  Noah and I had fun together, and in the end, I'm glad I signed up to greet.

By the way....  Greeting didn't kill either one of us!

A Dog and Her Boy

Noah and his dog, Gretta, are attached at the hip.  They've been together since they were both 3 years old and are inseparable.  Noah loves her with all of his heart and is very sensitive about her aging process.  I'm pretty sure that Gretta returns his love with all of her heart.  It breaks my heart to know she is not aging well and in so much pain from her hips.  Shawn and I have discussed a variety of ways to help Noah through her death, including getting another dog while we still have Gretta, but nothing seems like the right thing to do.  It would just be so much easier if we could ensure she'd live pain-free forever.....

I recently had a very heart-breaking conversation with Noah.  I told him that Gretta needs a new bed for Christmas and suggested we go look at orthopedic dog beds.  He got a very solemn look on his face, then told me he's very afraid for Gretta's health.  He's very worried that she won't make it much longer.  Against my hopes, Noah has noticed that she is falling more, having more difficulty walking and seems to be in more pain than usual.  Gretta is also developing cataracts and losing her hearing. Then he told me that he's afraid a new bed will be wasted on a dog who might die soon.  My poor kid.

I took Noah aside, and looking in his eyes as best I can with him, I told him that whether Gretta is able to give us 5 more days or 5 more years, she deserves the best we can give her in the meantime.  She deserves to be as comfortable as we can make her and to be well loved.

Noah seemed to accept this answer.  And I'm learning to be a behind-the-scenes mom.   I have a call into Noah's counselor so I can talk to him about this whole conversation.  I'm going to suggest we bring Gretta with us to next week's session, so he can work Noah's worries into their conversation.  I'm hoping they can work on some good coping skills for Noah.  Shawn will be going with us, so he will be there to get Gretta in and out of the car, and up the stairs to the offices, if necessary.

We are also blessed--once again--but the ministry I work with.  Our "second-in-command" has a true heart for animals and their owners.  When the need arises, she is there to facilitate a pet-loss support group.  I know she is praying for Noah and Gretta, and will be there for Noah when the inevitable happens.

Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers!

One of those Days

I will admit, I need to whine for a minute here.

Crazy is as Crazy does!

The past few weeks have been difficult for me because my pain levels have been through the roof.  I've had to force myself out to do activities with the children and to get to where we absolutely have to be.  I slept most of this past Sunday, in the hopes my pain would ebb and of recouping my energy levels.  Unfortunately, that didn't happen.  I woke up this morning with a migraine and such pain that I almost wasn't able to get out of bed when Shawn left for work.  Needless to say, Avery and Noah have fully taken advantage of this slower-than-usual Mommy of theirs.  Our house is more of a madhouse than usual, which to me always seems like a difficult feat, considering how crazy "usual" is for us!


Now, the real reason I'm writing today.

Several days ago, I received an email from the chaplain I work with.  Someone has offered his services to our center, giving of his time to videotape testimonies from those of us helped by our growing ministry.  Our fearless leader included me in the email asking for testimonies and help.

As I've written before, I love this ministry of ours, and I believe in the work we are able to do with all of my heart and soul.  I am proud of it and the work God does there.  I owe a lot to the people who volunteer there every day, the people who listened to me and welcomed me with open, non-judgemental arms the first day I walked through the door.  I know I would not be alive if it weren't for this ministry.  Shawn and I wouldn't still be married and I would've lost custody of Noah a long time ago.  We never would've had Avery.  None of that is an exaggeration.  I wouldn't have the support network I now cling to and I would not have purpose in my life.  Most importantly, without this ministry, I never would have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I would not have been re-baptized, proclaiming my faith and beliefs before the Body of Christ.  This center is deeply a part of who I am, who I have become and who I am still becoming.  None of that is an exaggeration, either!  :)

Back to our chaplain's request.  Of course I'd love to give a videotaped testimony!!!  My mentor and I exchanged a few more emails to confirm the details, then I started to worry, as I typically do when faced these sorts of situations.  Did she want me to have something prepared?  Would there be someone to guide me or ask questions?  Was there something specific she wants me to talk about--I mean, there's SO MUCH for me to say about what our ministry has done for me!  How much time would I have?  After all, I do like to talk and it's difficult for me to a give a condensed version of anything, but especially this ministry!

I sat down at my computer so I could email her with my questions.  As I opened my email, I literally laughed out loud.  There, in my inbox, was another email from my mentor.  The content just proved how close we are at this ministry and how well our fearless leader knows each and every one of us.  Her words were simple:  "Pray, and God will give you the words to speak.  No matter what you say, it will be exactly what other people need to hear.  Relax and let God."

So today, the boys (with plenty of keep-them-busy,-quiet-and-cooperative activities and food bribes), my trusty cane, my migraine and body pain, and I are headed out in this dreary rain so that I may speak into the lives of those who may be searching for the kind of support and help God helps us give to others through our ministry.  I am going to speak the words from God which I have heard while in prayer.  I will speak the truth of God and the way of the light.

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."  1Peter 4:11

Medication, Schmedication

I always second guess myself when I ask to change or increase Noah's meds.  It's either something I need to get over--and therefore learn to trust my gut better--or learn to live with.

Sometimes I can pinpoint why we have a bad day:  I've lost my sense of humor and it remains hidden; Noah is having more difficulty than usual with self control, inattentiveness and distractibility; Noah is stressed about something--or I'm the one who is stressed and Noah "feeds" off mine; there's a time constraint, and so on.  Any number of things that might seem little to me or you can throw off Noah's entire day.  We pick ourselves up and move on, but Noah is still learning it's okay to pick up and move on.

Just as I can pinpoint the reasons for a bad day, I can pinpoint the reasons for a good one, also: I am able to relax and maintain my sense of humor while conquering all of my maternal and wifely duties; Noah is able to concentrate, stay calm and remain focused; we might take more breaks than usual; Noah takes things in stride instead of panicking about them--and so on.

Recently, I talked with Noah's doctor about either increasing his current medication or adding another one to the current one.  I'm really not in favor of either one, but I've reached a certain point where I've realized Noah needs some sort of "chemical help" in order to function.  Noah agreed that he wasn't feeling any different or better with the dose he was on.  Shawn and I have noticed small differences, but not enough towards what we have hoped for Noah.  The poor kid is rearranging store shelves (yet his room remains a disaster...), pushing buttons obsessively on lotto machines and any other machine, bouncing/rocking on the couch rhythmically and having numerous panic attacks.  I won't even begin to bore you with his inattention, lack of self control, distractibility and impulsivity!

Anyway, his doctor said we could either increase his current medication or add something at night that would carry over into the morning.  I did some reading about this medication and talked to other parents who  have had children on it.  My gut was telling me this medicine was wrong for my son.  It would make him sleepy at night, which was good.  But the "carry over," from my reading and talks with other parents, would most likely make him dopey and zombie-like.  It wouldn't actually be working on the brain chemicals and helping him in that respect; Noah would be compliant only because he was tired.  I didn't like the sound of that at all and it really scared me.  In the end, we decided to increase his current medication to see how he does with that.  He hasn't been on the increased dose long enough for us to see a change, so we'll have to continue to watch and wait.

In my mind, I have a course of medicinal action I'd like to see Noah be able to try.  Other parents with similar children have tried some of these and had great success.  The problem is finding a doctor who understands that while I don't have "M.D." after my name, I do have "Noah's Mom" after it.  I've done my reading, I've talked with other parents and I've seen their children in action.  It's frustrating having a doctor who views me as "just a mom."  Shouldn't that count for something??!?

Some of Noah's behaviors I'm learning to accept and see as "normal."  I constantly quiz my friends about their children who are the same age as Noah.  They laugh and assure me that while we may lean toward many Aspy tendencies, most of the things I ask them about are things boys never grow out of.  *groan*  Then there are the Aspy behaviors:  the ones I need to learn and accept because they are part of who Noah is and always will be.  I'm the one who needs to change, not Noah.


Noah is continuing to do well with horseback riding.  I'm just so proud of his accomplishments!  Atop a horse, Noah is confident, calm, stable and happy:  A complete 180 degrees from how he is with anything else.  He continues to be naturally successful with riding and is proud of his own accomplishments.  Noah is more independent on his horse now, riding without side walkers or a lead walker.  He has even begun trotting on his own!  His instructor is just wonderful, allowing Noah to go into the pasture with her to "catch" his horse, brush, feed, tack up and then untack when he's finished riding.  Noah has even been walking his horse into the riding ring on his own! This program continues to be a light for our entire family.  We begin our Monday mornings with the "pippy pops" (as Avery calls them) and it seems to center our entire week.  My face often hurts from smiling so much while I watch my son ride!  Noah was recently involved in a horse show at his riding center and won third place in the two events he participated in!  I was proud of him for not having meltdowns over not winning first place and understanding some of the other children in the event might not be as capable as he is with the horses.  Noah was upset about having to ride with sidewalkers and a lead, but we explained to him that in order for it to be fair for all the children, and because of all the commotion at the event, the walkers were a safety requirement.  Noah's instructor also let him wear his Halloween costume to ride on Halloween!  When we went trick or treating later that night, Noah told me his costume didn't feel complete with Justin!

We've found an excellent counselor for Noah; he homeschools his children with his wife, he is a Christian (so he shares many of our views and morals, which is nice because he's working with our son!) and has just been such a blessing to our family.  He is supportive of many of the decisions we have made for Noah in the area of  personal responsibility, and he's working with Noah on learning how to take more responsibility for himself and his actions.  They've only met a few times, but I do see a more confident child emerging from within Noah.  This gentleman takes Noah for walks during their sessions, and I know Noah listens and functions better when he is active.   They are also working on ways for Noah to control his panic attacks, rather than allowing his panic attacks to control him.  It's wonderful.

Noah had a great week last week.  He was really on top of his school work and chores, and was just a good helper in general.  On Tuesday I treated the boys to a morning at an indoor playplace.  Normally, Noah has difficulty with these types of settings and tends to get way out of control.  I had a talk with him the night before and again on the way there.  I reminded him that he would be the biggest and oldest child there, then asked him to tell me some ways he could set the example for the smaller children.  I also asked him to tell me how another mom would feel if she saw him careening towards her toddler.  We talked about safe play behavior and a few other rules.  I was so proud of him when he was able to maintain his composure (and even stand up for his brother against some other not-so-well-behaved children!) and still have fun!  We went rollerskating on Friday and again, he did a fabulous job of holding it all together!  He spent more time on his hands and knees than he did on his feet, but I was so proud when he didn't get angry and give up.  The lights and music were a little beyond what we can usually handle, but even with those disturbances, he still did very well.  I think the fact that he did not get angry and frustrated, and then give up, says a lot about how far he's come in the past year.  He was reduced to tears when one of his friends got a little bossy with him, but he was able to perk up and come out of it on his own.  Noah also had a drama club workshop that same evening and sometimes that can be a little much for him, but he seemed to do well and have fun there, also.

There have been a few "Noah-isms" lately that have had me laughing.  My favorite one was the other day on our way into the grocery store.  Noah piped up with "Come on Mom, let's show Safeway how the Furrs do groceries!"  I told a friend about it and she said, "With harnesses, helmets and squealing tires!"

Veteran's Day

Holidays centered around saluting and thanking our military always get me teary.  When I stop to think about the sacrifices our soldiers and their families make on a daily basis to protect our country and the freedom in other countries, I'm very grateful.  I've taught my boys to say "Thank you" when we come across someone in uniform or a veteran.  Things like that are important.

I talked with Noah and Avery about the meaning behind today's holiday.  We talked about ways to pay tribute, how we could say "thank you" in our own way and what it means to be in the military, both for the individual and the family as a whole.  I want my children to have a greater understanding of what being in the military means: that it's not just shooting guns and blowing things up, as so many video games and movies depict it.

On our way home today, we drove past a gentleman in the median of the 4-lane highway.  He was on his horse, high on a hill with the sun at his back, holding the American flag.  I was truly in awe of his beautiful tribute to our veterans and our country.  I turned around so I could go back and get a picture.  I stopped to speak to the gentleman and learned he has been doing this for 17 years.  When we stopped at 4, he had already been there for 5 hours.  I got all teary when I shook his hand and thanked him.  I'm quite certain that even his horse understood his role in this somber tribute:  he stood with his head held high, as though he was proud to be serving the United States with his rider in their own way.

Beautiful.  Majestic.  Patriotic.

I Fought the Tub and I Won

I confess, this post has more to do with friendship than with a bath tub, but that's how it started.

I have a good friend who suffers a great deal with chronic pain like I do.  Also like me, she is currently undiagnosed and has even had a few medical professionals tell her there's nothing wrong with her, to the point of accusing her of lying or faking her symptoms.  I'm here to tell you straight up, that for some doctors, if they can't "see" your symptoms in blood work, x-rays, CT scans or other tests, then you must be just fine.  That can be frustrating and even maddening.

The other night I was trying to go over some of the things that sometimes ease my pain for my friend.  I suggested a hot bath with some epsom salts.  "Amy," she said, "You couldn't pay me to take a bath in my tub.  I don't think I've cleaned it since we moved in here."

I love my friend dearly and I hate that she is in so much pain.  I want to do things for her because she really doesn't have a lot of people in her life to do them, to show her how much she is loved and cared about.  She is a single mom with two great boys and she runs herself ragged.  I told her I would be over to clean her tub for her.  "DON'T YOU DARE!" My friend was screeching at me about my own pain and being embarrassed by her tub.  I reminded her that Jesus himself had washed the feet of his disciples.  If he could handle feet, surely I could handle her bath tub!  She returned with "You just keep doing the fishes and the loaves thing, I'll figure out how to wash my tub!"  (She wasn't being rude; she loves benefitting from my "fishes and loaves thing" as much as her boys do.)  I told her to go be stubborn over there, left it at that and changed the subject.

When I got off the phone, I told Shawn about the conversation and laughed conspiratorially.  My friend forgot I have a key to her apartment! She'd given it to me in case of emergencies:  this was an emergency, right?!  MWAHAHAHA!  My friend works hard and I wanted to do this for her.  She deserved to have someone clean her tub.

The other day while she was at work, I let myself into her home, carrying my cleaning supplies.  Now, please know that it will never be said I am Martha Stewart in my own home.  Seriously, I can't remember the last time I cleaned our own tub.  Martha does not live here--I do, along with 3 cats, a dog and 3 boys--but now, thanks to some scrubbing bubbles and clorox, Martha does reside in my friend's bath tub.  The grateful and amazed tears my friend responded with made my aching back worth every bit of it.  My friend couldn't remember the last time someone had done something like for her.  I still think it made my day more than hers.  Our matching silly grins and laughing tears were great.

I'm not telling you this to make myself feel good or for a pat on the back.  I'm telling you this because someday soon you will be given the chance to clean a tub, make a meal, vacuum a floor or provide a ride for a friend.  You will be given the chance to just share a cup of coffee or extend a hug.  Sometimes all it takes to make someone smile is showing up on their doorstep with your bucket of cleaning supplies and a smile.  It's not always about the act itself, but the love you put into doing it.  As 1 Corinthians 16:14 teaches us, "Let all you do be done in love."

Happy National Housewife Day

Housewife:
1 a married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.

While listening to the radio this morning, I learned today is National Housewife Day.  Really?

I had to laugh to myself.  Then I texted Shawn and two of my best friends to share the news.  One friend asked how one would celebrate such a holiday.  I suggested that surely a spa day must be in order!  My other friend cheered for me.  And Shawn?  Well, I was hoping for wine, circus peanuts and flowers, but.....  no such luck.

So, how did I end up celebrating today?  It wasn't at the spa!  I got Noah started with school, dropped Avery at daycare, went to work at the center, picked Avery up from daycare, did more school with Noah, got some laundry going, picked up the house, cleaned the litter box....  Yep, just another day in the life of a boring, busy housewife.  Just another day in paradise!