I Don't Want to Grow Up

"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."  --Chili Davis

I turned 39 earlier this week.  Thirty-nine.  THIRT-EEEEE NIIIIINE.  How did this happen?  Actually, I'm not sure I'm having as much trouble with it as I thought I would.  I mean, it's not 40, so I'm not ancient yet, right????  RIGHT????  Just kidding.  No offense meant to the 40-and-overs.  I don't feel 39.  Of course, I've never been 39 before, so I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel. Or how I'm supposed to act, for that matter. How exactly does a person act 39, anyway? The gray hair and facial lines are starting to tell their story, my body has told the story for longer than I can remember (I'm not sure that counts as age related, though), and there are times my mind feels more like 80 than 39, but--I don't feel 39.  

I get reflective on my birthdays.  What were my parents doing when they were my age?  What stages were they in? I remember they just seemed old to me. They were grandparents already at my age.  Then, I make promises to myself, to my family, to my friends.  One of the promises my best friend and I have made is that while we may grow old, we will not grow up.  We will have fun, even when that requires us to be more immature than our teenagers. Yes, requires.  We will live life to its absolute fullest, even on the days it's hard.  We will be grateful to be alive, for the opportunity to watch our children grow up, to be with the ones we love.  We've decided that acting our ages is terribly overrated.  We are only given one life, and we need to make the best of it.  

Shawn and I have the same philosophy.  Well, most of the time!  I wouldn't say we're always successful. There are times stress does get the better of us, and we forget.  Overall though, I feel as though we haven't forgotten the passion, the fun, the life to our lives.  We often find ourselves saying to each other, "I hope we're still like this when we're old.  Let's not ever lose this." It's a promise we've made to each other, to our children, and any future grandchildren.

I often think that's what happened with my parents.  They forgot to have fun.  They forgot how to have fun. I won't get into all of it, but looking back, I'm certain that was a huge part of what went wrong.   

Of course, there are times this philosophy has us acting more like 5 year olds, or immature 13 year olds, but that's life, right?  Who wants to to always be a stuffy, boring adult?

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to 'grow old' like my grandmother.  Nan never seemed old.  Even when she was old, she was young.  It was her attitude, her personality, her belief in God and faith, her love--it all worked together to keep her young.  She was amazing.  Nan had a zest, a vim and vigor to her that was just contagious.  It wasn't until the multiple TIAs and age-related diseases began taking their toll that I realized just how old my Nan was.  Similarly, there is a woman I work with who approaches life the same way.  She's nearly 90, but you'd never know it.  That is my goal: To approach life the way these two women have, and to inspire others to do the same.  This is also something I've learned from my work at the grief center: Live one day at a time.  Enjoy it.  Live it to its absolute fullest.  Love like crazy.  Be yourself.  Cherish every moment.

I don't want to grow up.  I will grow old, I will age, but I will not grow up.