Snarky Mommy

I should probably warn you--I'm tired.  I'm sleep deprived.  Ezra still isn't sleeping through the night, Avery still typically ends up in our bed (how do I say no when he says he's lonely and was worried I was lonely too?  Wait: "No."), and Noah is a very early elephant riser.  Don't get me started on the cats and the dog.  I also had a very bad pain flare up.  Sooooo, I'm feeling just a bit snarky.

Which story would you like to hear first?  Avery sounding out the word 'tampon' ("Taaaaammmppponnn.  Tampon.  Mom, what's a tampon?") in the public restroom, or monitoring my speed in the car ("Mom?  That sign back there said 55, but your speed clock says 65.")?  Seriously, who taught this kid to read????  Or maybe how my 14 year old announces to everyone he's taken up life on the pole?  Thank you, winter track.... 

I started thinking this morning that I could probably get these stories to give me a paycheck, you know?  If I were so inclined with social media, I could start a Twitter account: Honest Mommy.  Sarcastic, Tired, Exhausted Mommy.  Why Mommy Drinks.  Why Mommy's Hair is Gray.  Why Mommy has a Coffee IV Drip.  Why is Mommy's Face Turning that Weird Red Purplish Color?  You get the idea.

I won't, but the thought is certainly there. I'll just keep entertaining you here on my blog.  While I can't be the only one with the thoughts that occur in my head when Noah absolutely needs a gift bag and tissue paper at 6 in the morning, or when Avery has a meltdown (naked, of course) in the hallway at 6:15 because the fan is on in the bathroom and he needs to pee, but he's scared of the fan, I'm certain I'm in the minority when I actually say them out loud to other people.  Seriously, we bought that gift on Saturday--we couldn't have wrapped it, ohhh, say, 36 hours ago?  Or even 12-16 hours ago???  And for the love of all things furry, just turn the dang fan OFF!

There you have it.  Honesty.  I love my children dearly.  I really do.  But sometimes it's a little easier to like them when I've had a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep without someone's foot in my face (I'm looking at you, Avery).