Hope

I have hope.

We've been through a lot.  As a family, as individuals.  (I will not get into what Shawn has been through, as that is not my place.) I live in chronic pain.  Some days are better than others, but even my worst days are still better than someone else's worst day. I battle depression and anxiety.  Our marriage nearly failed, but we fought for it, and here we are; it's not perfect by any means, but we're worth it.  Our oldest son has conquered Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD, and now we are going through a second diagnostic process with our middle child.  Our youngest child was born with multiple heart defects that God healed.  We battled infertility, and God won, giving us two more boys medical science told us we'd never have.  To top it all off, twelve years ago, medical science predicted I would be dead by now.  At the time, I almost, selfishly, did what I could to help that prediction along.  

I have hope.

More importantly, I have GOD.

Without God, I am nothing.  NOTHING.  Without God, I do not have hope.  Without hope, I have nothing.  NOTHING.

I will be honest with you, as always, and admit that for a long time, I did not have hope.  I did not want God.  I was angry at Him.  I wanted to be a victim.

I am no longer that person.

I have hope.

I have hope for the hopeless.  That sounds cliche, but I do--when someone loses all ability to hope, they need someone else to hang on for them.  I remember the people who prayed for me and over me, the people who would not give up, those who hoped for me.  I owe them my life, literally.  So now it is my turn, my honor and blessing, to pray for those who have lost hope.  I have hope that whatever diagnosis, or diagnoses, turn up for our son, we will conquer them just as we did for our oldest.  I have hope that the look of pain and exhaustion on my dear friend's face will turn to joy, peace and rest.  I have hope that our world, and country will right itself.  I have hope that no matter what my children choose to do in life, God will protect them. I have hope that my prayers are heard, and answered as my Father sees fit.

I have hope.