The Word Is Kindness

I often shop at Walmart.  Two weeks ago, I had a really bad experience with a cashier there.

I've given it, and her, way too much head space since then.  Half of you are going to ask, "Who broke you????" and half of you are going to wisely advise me to just let it go.  This was fully on her, and not on me at all. It was her issue, not mine.  And yet, I've made it mine.  And I really dislike that about myself.  She was nasty and mean, calling me names under her breath.  I'd given her no reason to be this way towards me.  I was polite and pleasant, even through her abuse.  Contrary to my sarcastic and cynical personality, I did not give in to the words going through my head--instead, she reduced me to tears.  And I really dislike that about myself.  I'm stronger than this.  I'm bigger than this.  I'm nearly 40 years old.  I should be beyond allowing other people to make me feel this way about myself!  I felt pathetic.  I felt shamed.  Why did I allow this?  I wouldn't put up with this sort of this behavior from a stranger toward my children!  I wanted to report her to her manager, I wanted to say something to her.  I did not--what if she's trying to support a family?

I've spent the past two weeks trying to prove her wrong in everything she said.  As I've gone around town, as I've lived out my life, hearing her words in my head, I've been friendly, smiley, helpful and happy with everyone I've come across.  I've wanted to shout, "See?  I'm nothing like what you tried to declare over me!"

Today, I had a blessedly different experience.  A gentleman pulled up behind me in line with hamburger buns--hamburger buns.  Behind my two weeks worth of groceries for five people.  He laughed when I apologized, pointed at Ezra and told me he was the reason he wanted to be behind us.  As he helped me unload all my groceries and entertain my toddler, he asked just exactly who it is I'm feeding with all that food.  "Jackals.  Rabid.  Hungry.  Jackals."  We even had the cashier laughing and joking with us!

As I went to other stores to finish up my errands, I continued to greet other people and ask after the cashiers' days.  One cashier thanked me for doing so.  I replied, "We're all human."  I didn't know what else to say--that's where it all begins and ends.  We're all human.

I don't know what was going on in that cashier's head two weeks ago.  I don't know if something I was wearing or did or said rubbed her the wrong way, or if she was just having a bad day.  I don't know if my amount of groceries annoyed her.  What I do know is that her behavior is on her, and my own behavior is on me.  Everyone has their struggles, and it seems maybe she has more than her fair share, and what she needs is kindness.

So, as you go about your day, I encourage you to remember this--everyone has their own struggles.  And everyone deserves kindness.