Let's Give Them Something to Talk About

The #StayAliveChallenge is making its way around the internet right now.  I'm not sure how I feel about suicide prevention being a challenge, but I see the thought behind it, and I will applaud whatever it takes to keep people agreeing to live one more day.

I've battled depression the better part of two and a half decades, and yes, for much of that I've dealt with suicidal ideations and self harm.  I was even hospitalized in college.  I still do battle depression, but rather than consider myself a victim of it, I see myself more as a warrior now, a survivor.  I treat it daily with medication and prayer, and know the signs of it beginning to overtake my thoughts and life.  I know the signs of the enemy beginning to try to push his way in, but I know how to push back, harder.  Please do not misunderstand; everything is not all unicorns and rainbows.  I still struggle.  There are still dark days, days I feel I merely exist, and days that just getting out of bed exhausts the heck out of me.  But I know what to call it now.  

I am open about my battles with depression, particularly postpartum depression and self harm.  I know what it feels like to be utterly crushed under the weight of depression, to drown in the pit of it.  We need to put names to it, call it what it is, and make it okay to talk about--yes, talk about it, even in polite circles.  It is important to me that others know their value and importance in this world; only you can be you, and only you can fulfill the roles needed by you in this world!  You are so needed, despite what depression might tell you.

My children are at high risk for depression and other mental illnesses, having been dealt a genetic soup from both sides of our families.  I watch them like a hawk, careful with words, and asking about their thoughts about themselves. I pray over them constantly, as well as the children of friends who have been diagnosed.  Childhood and the teen years are difficult enough without depression.

We have actors like Jared Padelecki and Carrie Fisher, and groups such as TWLOHA to thank for helping break the stigma attached to mental illness.  They've started conversations, and are making strides to make it more acceptable to talk about mental illness and seek help.

Still, much of the stigma remains. Having a mental illness does not automatically make a person 'crazy,' it only means our brains are wired differently.  We have 'challenges' such as this #StayAliveChallenge that make their ways around the internet, and yes, while they bring attention to mental illness and suicide, I do have mixed feelings about them.  What people need is real help, not a photo challenge, or a Twitter feed. It needs to be a daily conversation of understanding and acceptance, not judgment and whispering. A person can have a mental illness and not be able to help it, not be to blame, the same way a person can have cancer and not be to blame.

My reason to live is my family.  My four reasons: Shawn, Noah, Avery and Ezra.  I need them more than they could ever need me.  Please, find your reason.  Call one of these numbers below, then call a loved one.  You are not alone.  Do not be afraid to ask for help.  I'm okay now, and you know what?  You will be okay too.  I know--I KNOW--it doesn't seem like it now, but you will be okay.  You will get through this.  Just hold on.


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line TEXT "TWLOHA" TO 741-741

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) 1-800-656-HOPE (656-4673)

Veterans Crisis Line  1-800-273-TALK (273-8255) PRESS 1

National Child Abuse Hotline  1-800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453)

The Trevor Project 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386)