In the Spirit of Thanksgiving (Supernatural Superglue)

"With friendships, I found my desire for connection was stronger than my fear of rejection"
--Lisa Whelchel

I'm not a moms' group type of person.  I get halfway through a meeting, and I'm ready to run.  I've tried several, but they're too cliquy, too personal, or not personal enough, too big, or too small, too organized, or too unorganized, too touchy-feely, or not touchy-feely enough.  Some advertised meeting for fellowship, but were in fact very Pinterest-y, or concentrated on having speakers, or snuck in a bible study or book group.  Some provided child care (because, let's face it, one of the obvious reasons we go to moms groups is to get a break from our children), while others expected your child to sit beside you, perfectly quiet, ankles crossed, hands folded, flawlessly parted hair (no cowlicks, here!), and don't forget the designer clothing!   I used to compare myself to the perfect moms with their perfect bodies sipping their perfect soy lattes bragging about their perfect and brilliant princesses, wondering what I could possibly have in common with these women.  I could feel their eyes judging me.  I didn't feel safe when I tried to share, I felt pitied.  I was desperate to connect, but I feared rejection even more.  I just couldn't find a moms group that fit my needs, kept my eyes from rolling out of my head and made me feel safe.  So, I swore off moms' groups. Bu-bye.

I'm also a perpetual bible study drop out.  A few weeks in, and I would stop going.  I might've made an excuse or two at first, then just conveniently forget about it.  Oops.  

Oh, and then there's that whole introversion thing.

So when Pastor L approached me and two other women about leading a moms' group at our church, I was standing up to leave before she could finish her sentence!  Ohhhh, no, no, no!  I'd been this road too many times in attendance of these ridiculous groups, absolutely no way was I going to lead one!!!  In my head, I heard His voice, plain as day, "Amy Noelle, if you don't sit down this very instant and hear her out, I'm going to use supernatural superglue on your behind to make sure you do!"  Alllllllrighty then.

And so we began--three shy, introverted women, wondering what in the world we were doing, but listening to God and trusting in Him that it would all work out, and hoping HE knew what we were doing!

We began our group a little over a year ago meeting every two weeks. We could not believe how many moms signed up!  We quickly moved to meeting every week because we realized just how much we needed each other.  There was an immediate connection, love, compassion, an understanding among us. There are some weeks we would meet every day, if we could!  Many of the connections groups take off during the holidays and summers, but we keep on going.  There is a need this group fills for each of us. We don't lead with a curriculum like many groups do; we lead with our hearts for each other and our Father, God leads us.  We are a support group, a friendship circle, a fellowship group, not necessarily a bible study or book club, but if one of finds something during our quiet time during the week, we will share it with the rest of the group.

We have amazing, loving sitters, but if a child needs to join us, we kind of pass him or her around.  There's a good chance at least one of us has snacks, juice boxes and toys in our purses or diaper bags, and those are shared.  Children are not expected to sit quietly and behave--they are children, after all! Good grief, let them act like children!  As for the babies, if you don't bring them to me in our meeting room and let me take them home pass them around, well, what's the point in coming?!?!?!  Just kidding, just kidding!!!  But seriously, let me hold your baby.

I can't imagine life without these women.  I'm grateful my co-leaders and I took that leap, and I'm so grateful for each and every one of these amazing women.  They are such gifts to me!  There is no judgement--Rule #1--and there is always confidentiality--Rule #2.  We offer a safe place for whatever we need to say, and however we need to say it.  Some days we're more organized than others--and the days we're not, we realize those are the days God is leading the best.  On the days we do have something planned, we throw it all out the window for good conversation, or if someone has something in particular she really needs to talk out.

We are none of the things in the first paragraph of this post.  What we are is: Faithful to each other, caring, loving, providing, understanding, listening, laughing, sharing.  We cry with each other, we praise and worship with each other, we fill in each other's blanks.  We are each other's supernatural superglue.  Last week, I began to cry during my prayer and couldn't finish it, so a friend picked up where I had to leave off.  She doesn't even know the person I was praying for, but that's what she did for me.  THAT is only one amazing part of what our beautiful little group is about.

Most importantly, we are FRIENDS.  We can count on each other, we lean on each other.  We pray for each other, and love each other.  And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

It took me fifteen years to find these women and form this group.  My point is this--do not give up.  If you are not the group type, but long to belong, I encourage you to please do not give up.  If you belong to a church, speak to your connection group leader about forming a group and look for other women with whom to form it.  If you are looking for a group within your community, Google is a great place to start.  Contact the leaders, and quiz them, give one meeting a try.  Please don't give up, please keep searching until you find your own supernatural superglue.  Much to love and blessings to you on your search, dear one.

You Deserve Him

Dearest One,

There is someone I know.  I know him well.  I love him dearly, he's been so good to me.  He followed me, pursued me for years.  I resisted him.  I was raised with him--although later on I learned I didn't know him the way I thought I did--but I got to the point I really defied him.  I was just so angry at him!  As an adult, a friend told me it was okay to be angry at him, for he already knew the depth of my anger-- and the depth of his love could cover it. I wanted nothing to do with him, unless it was to blame him and point my finger at him for the way I felt my life was turning out.

My friend told me he knew what was best for my life, and I needed to learn to trust him.  Trusting anyone was not my strong point, and it took me a long time.  If this man knew what was best for me, why did so much of it feel like pain and hurt?  What could possibly come from any of that?

I did learn to trust.  And I learned to learn.  I learned to listen.

This Man became Healer.  Teacher.  Father--Abba, Daddy.  He became Joy, Calm, King.  He calls me Daughter, Beloved.  He died for me, because I am so important to Him.  He has promised me eternal life--and all He wants in return is me.  All of me. He is Hope, and Beauty, Grace and Mercy, Wisdom and Guidance. He is Provider, Power, Redeemer.  He is Creator.  When others fail me, He is my Constant.  Most importantly, HE.  IS.  LOVE.

You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.  Psalm 32:7

Precious one, these are the very same things He is for you.  Do you know that He died just for you, also?  You are so priceless to Him that He knows the very hairs on your head. When earthly ones fail you, He is there, Father, Friend, Faithful.  He is our example of what a gentleman should be, and how we deserve to be treated.

Fear not, for I am have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.  Isaiah 43:1

You are worthy of Him.  You deserve so much better than the way you are being treated right now, and He wants you to know that.  This is not how He intended life for you.  Let Him in.  Call Him into your heart.  Let Him show you the way.  You are deserve Him, you are worth it.  Don't try to wrap your head around His unconditional love after years of abuse, because even a person who hasn't experienced abuse can't comprehend it.  For the longest time I wanted to know WHY He loves me, and the answer is "He just does.  Because you are His child." You don't have to earn it, you don't have to keep it, you don't have to dance through hoops.  He created you, and He loves you.

I love you so very much, and it hurts me so much to see you in pain.  I know you're hurting.  As much as it hurts me, I know it hurts Him even more.  As much as I cry for you, I know He cries even more.  Let Him in.  He cares for you, and loves you so very much.

Love Always,
Me

"Happy" Veteran's Day

I don't want this post to be one of accidental disrespect, or extreme negativity.  I will start off by saying I have nothing but the utmost respect for our military and veterans.  I am grateful for them, for their families, and the sacrifices they make on behalf of our country every day.  I have a deep pride, and a deep love for this amazing country of ours.  Today, we have the humbling blessing of honoring our many veterans.  I praise God for these men and women, for their wisdom and strength, and for following the commandments the Lord has given them.

However, I struggle with the sentiment "Happy Veteran's Day."  I know that many say it for lack of any other way to express their gratitude, but I do wish people would think their words over, and choose them more carefully.

Perhaps the 'happy' is when the veteran comes home at all, but sadly, most of our veterans are coming home badly bruised and broken.  They are lost souls, and they, along with their families, suffer horribly. Many of our veterans come home and cannot function in everyday society.  They cannot function within their own homes and families.  It's sad and there is nothing 'happy' about it.

In 2013, a VA study found that at least 22 veterans were/are committing suicide every day.  In 2014, at least 50,000 veterans accounted for the homeless community.  PTSD affects at least 31% of Vietnam veterans, 10% of Gulf War veterans, and 11% and counting of our current wars and engagements.  The statistics go on.  And yes, there are statistics of successful veterans, as well.

I grew up with a functionally alcoholic and severely depressed father, who also had latent/undiagnosed PTSD, a result of his time in Vietnam.  There was nothing happy about that man.  No way about it, he suffered, and so did our family.  

That said, I also learned a lot.

I am always grateful for our veterans.  I am grateful beyond words for our military, and I have a deep love and pride for our country. This love and respect was grown by my father's 20-plus years in the USMC, and being raised surrounded by other so-called military brats just like me.  Shawn and I have taught our boys that every day is a day to celebrate our country and military, not just November 11.  We always express our gratitude.

I ask you to do the same--to express your gratitude.  To remember our veterans and military every day.  I ask you to please find a different way of doing so, a word other than 'happy.'

Today, and always, veterans of America, I honor you.  Thank you.

Hope, Not Hate

I've contemplated this all morning.  I understand this will not be a popular post, and I'm okay with that.  That's not why I write, anyway.

This past year, and especially in the past 24 hours, I've watched, sadly, as the enemy has divided.  He has come to conquer and ruin and destroy--and he's getting away with all of it, and we're letting him.  Families, friendships, working relationships, complete strangers--ruined by words, by hate, by differences in opinion and beliefs.  Rather than being kind to one another, everyone only wants to be right, consequences be damned. The enemy has brought hate and vitriol with him, and we fell right into his trap. Rather than fight against him, we are chanting along with him, BURN IT DOWN!  And yet--do we even know, or care, what we are burning down?

The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest.  John 10:10

I am saddened by this.  There's just so much hate, too much hate.  I turned off my social media today because I couldn't take it anymore.  I'm weary.

I can't live this way.  As a Christian, as a human, a wife, a mom--as a friend.  My best friend and I are polar opposites.  I can't imagine my life without her!  We bring variety to each other's lives! We force each other to consider opinions different from our own!  One of the first things I did this morning was thank her for her, and tell her how grateful I am that we have always been able to agree to disagree.  This is part of what makes our friendship last.

What happened to being able to do this as a country, as humans?  Just agreeing to disagree, and moving on?  Shaking hands, and honoring one another's opinions?  What is the point to a democracy if we are all forced to think alike?  I don't care who you voted for, and it's also none of my business (which is another problem--social media has made everyone's politics everyone else's business, but that's another post)!  What I do care about it is how you treat other people (and animals).  Your opinions matter to me, because you matter to me!

We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

Listen, we woke up this morning.  We are breathing.  We are blessed to live in a country with choices and freedoms, where our opinions are valued, and we are not persecuted for our beliefs.  There are people who do not have these blessings, and unfortunately, lack many others as well.

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.  Psalm 119:114

Most of all, we will always have hope, and no matter who our president is, I have my Father, the King who reigns over all.  I will stand on the hope He, and He alone, gives.

Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; And let them say among the nations, "The LORD reigns." 1 Chronicles 16:31

We All Need A Little Christmas

(That's the sound of a mouthful of words.... Pardon while I type with my mouth full.)

I don't often do this, so take advantage while you can.  I'm going to eat my own words.  And no, this is not a political post, even though it may look like one.  But it's not.  It isn't, so please don't stop reading.

A few posts ago, I begged everyone to hold off on Christmas until after Thanksgiving.  Yeahhhhhh.  About that.

That was until I realized that in this season of electoral crap, the mess this country is in and the world in general--we NEED the 'magic' that Christmas brings.  Not the manufactured, store-bought greed Christmas, but the magical, seen-through-the-eyes-of-a-child, feel that wraps itself around you in a warm hug kind of way Christmas.

We are hurting.  As a nation, as a world, as individuals, as families.

This year, we NEED this.

So, BRING.  IT.  ON. Bring out those CDs and records and Pandoras and whatever else you have and BLAST those Christmas feel good songs!   Let's put up those decorations a month early!  Kick up your heels and stroll through the aisles of Christmas trees!  Cruise through the neighborhoods oohing and aching over the Christmas lights.  Find something to celebrate with hot chocolate.  Celebrate gratitude, life, liberty and freedom.  Celebrate whatever you want to celebrate! Agree to disagree with a friend, or even a total stranger.  Spread hugs, and smiles and prayers.

Most of all, remember the reason why we get to celebrate this holiday.  We need our Savior, perhaps now more than ever.

Just BE in the moment.  Be in the true spirit of this holiday.  Be with your family, your friends, your loved ones.  And for those who can't, please be with them in prayer, in spirit and in love.

Is There Room For One More?

I did it.  I jumped on the No More Homework Bandwagon.

I am in the process of writing the "Dear Teachers, We respectfully decline..." letter to Avery's teachers.

Please understand, I am not a rude parent.  I do not mean any disrespect to Avery's teachers, and I am not teaching him to disrespect his teachers either. I am the parent who has always, ALWAYS backed the teacher up, whether I agreed or not, because in the school, the teacher is the authority.  I have wrestled with this decision.  I understand the purpose of homework.  I have ridden the fence concerning this since the beginning of the school year.  I've read through the research of homework vs. no homework.  I've watched my child and wrestled with what I know and feel in my gut is absolutely best for him, and what the public school system requires from him.

Honestly, though?  I wish I had done this sooner--about ten years sooner, when Noah was in kindergarten.

I wish I had stood up for both of my non-traditionally learning children sooner.  Homework has always been a fight in our house.  Fifteen minutes, yeah, sure, whatever.  Try 2-3 hours of yelling, crying, begging and finally, just giving up.  It's never been pretty.  It's always been a stress on our relationships with our children, and on our marriage. There have been afternoons I've given up, and waited until Shawn got home from work so he could deal with it.  If we thought the boys were tired when they got home, they were/are definitely tired at that point.  Homework has always been a horrible stress on our children.  It's too much to ask of them at the end of a day of sitting for 6 hours, especially at Avery's age, and with his diagnosis.

There has to be a give.  Home has to be a safe place for my children.  It has to be the place where they can let it all hang out, relax and not be stressed.  It has to be a place where, after having to sit still for 6 hours in school, he knows he won't have to sit still for another 2 hours for homework.  I am standing up for my child.  I know Avery best, and I know this is not a healthy way for him to learn, or to live.

This does not make me a lazy parent. This is not a cop-out, Avery is not getting away with anything. Shawn is working with Avery on programming and coding, something he loves and excels with.  Avery is still working on Reflex Math, a school supported computer program he does here at home.  I am still reinforcing his weekly vocabulary and handwriting through sentence writing, which is something he enjoys.   We've also recently discovered he loves madlibs and has a great time with those (and doesn't know he's practicing handwriting and spelling with those!), and he loves to sit down and make up homework for himself to do when I'm working on mine. Avery loves to read, and when he's not forced to do so, it's the first thing he does when he gets home, and he will read for 30 minutes or more, uninterrupted, on his own.  He also loves to read to Ezra, which has become a wonderful bonding experience for both of them (as opposed to the stress imposed on all of us by homework).

Last week was my experiment week. Without homework our afternoons and evenings were calmer.  Our relationship was easier and less stressed.   Our home, overall, was calmer, and believe it or not, more structured.  Avery was calmer, less anxious,
and less wired.  He was happier and livelier.  That's all the research this mama needs.

The Social Services Episode

There's a sitcom we really enjoy because it kind of hits close to home.   There's also a twist on things that makes us laugh about our own lives.  In fact, it hits sooooo close to home, that, even as we laugh, we've often had to turn off an episode before it started a marital argument!

One episode in particular sticks with us, just because one day we know social services is gonna come a'knockin' on our front door.  One of our brilliant children will have said something stupid partially true, but not have given the entire story.

In the episode we joke about, the family is trying to clean up quickly, the mother chucks a beer bottle at one of the kids so he can toss it in the trash, and accidentally hits the kid with it instead.  Barely a scratch (do you see where I'm going with this???), but by the time the kid finished bandaging himself, he looked as though he'd had major surgery. And, of course, he told his teachers his mom hit him with a beer bottle, who turned around and called social services.

Yep.  I'm sure you can take it from here, especially if you have children. 

So, as I said, Shawn and I just know that one of these days, social services will most likely show up on our doorstep.  One of our beautiful, brilliant children will have told a story to a teacher or a friend, but will have neglected to include the most important words, "but it wasn't on purpose" or "it was an accident."

Things like:
"Dad dropped the baby down the stairs after telling him to be quiet." (because he tripped over Avery's toys while carrying him)

"Dad punched Noah/kneed Avery in the throat/kicked one of them in the leg." (because they were boxing or wrestling or otherwise sparring, and they were all wearing protective gear)

"Mom tripped Ezra." (because she was stretching her leg and he didn't walk around it)

I've got a million other stories like those, and those three aren't even the worst of them.

So, dear, understanding social worker, please come in, have a cup of tea and a (store-bought) scone, and allow me to enlighten you about living in left field.  And I'll even tell you about the time Noah smacked Ezra's head with the door (because Lilly rushed him to get outside first).