The Social Services Episode

There's a sitcom we really enjoy because it kind of hits close to home.   There's also a twist on things that makes us laugh about our own lives.  In fact, it hits sooooo close to home, that, even as we laugh, we've often had to turn off an episode before it started a marital argument!

One episode in particular sticks with us, just because one day we know social services is gonna come a'knockin' on our front door.  One of our brilliant children will have said something stupid partially true, but not have given the entire story.

In the episode we joke about, the family is trying to clean up quickly, the mother chucks a beer bottle at one of the kids so he can toss it in the trash, and accidentally hits the kid with it instead.  Barely a scratch (do you see where I'm going with this???), but by the time the kid finished bandaging himself, he looked as though he'd had major surgery. And, of course, he told his teachers his mom hit him with a beer bottle, who turned around and called social services.

Yep.  I'm sure you can take it from here, especially if you have children. 

So, as I said, Shawn and I just know that one of these days, social services will most likely show up on our doorstep.  One of our beautiful, brilliant children will have told a story to a teacher or a friend, but will have neglected to include the most important words, "but it wasn't on purpose" or "it was an accident."

Things like:
"Dad dropped the baby down the stairs after telling him to be quiet." (because he tripped over Avery's toys while carrying him)

"Dad punched Noah/kneed Avery in the throat/kicked one of them in the leg." (because they were boxing or wrestling or otherwise sparring, and they were all wearing protective gear)

"Mom tripped Ezra." (because she was stretching her leg and he didn't walk around it)

I've got a million other stories like those, and those three aren't even the worst of them.

So, dear, understanding social worker, please come in, have a cup of tea and a (store-bought) scone, and allow me to enlighten you about living in left field.  And I'll even tell you about the time Noah smacked Ezra's head with the door (because Lilly rushed him to get outside first).