A Belated Memorial Day Post

I am a very patriotic person.  I love seeing our country's flag flying in the wind.  Hearing our National Anthem on the radio every day at noon never fails to bring tears to my eyes. There is something about placing my hand over my heart when I recite our Pledge of Allegiance that makes my heart flutter.   I am eternally grateful for the many sacrifices our serviceman and women, and their families, make each and every day, to make our world a safer place for us and our children. Thoughts of what our country suffered on 9/11/2001 still bring me to my knees.  I don't know if it has to do with being raised military, but I hope I never lose my patriotism and appreciation for my country and the freedoms we have.

The Washington Post Sunday edition  had an excellent article about the soldiers who guard the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers.  I wanted Noah to read it, but because some of it was a little above him, and because he also wasn't too enthusiastic about his assignment, my mom, who is visiting for the week, sat down and read it with him.  As a military wife, she had some insight to offer him as she read the article.  I stopped them a few a times because I had some insight of my own (naturally).  I wanted Noah to understand that even though some of the men in this tomb have never been identified (thanks to the advances in DNA, some of them now have been, so their families now have the peace of mind of knowing their loved ones are back on US soil), they still deserve the respect of a proper military burial. They still deserve the respect of being guarded and properly memorialized.  I explained to Noah that these gentlemen gave their lives for our country; they left everything they knew and loved behind knowing they probably wouldn't return.  They were someone's dad, brother, husband or son.  I could imagine Noah picturing a jumble of bones inside the sarcophagus, so I explained to him that each gentleman has their own little coffin inside the big tomb; each one is respectfully separated.  Many times, as my mom read the article out loud, I cried openly.  The visual image of the WWII veterans strugging to rise from their wheelchairs to salute the young man guarding the Unknowns was too much for me (according to the young man, it was almost too much for him as well.  I think I can safely say I almost love him for that.  I certainly respect him for it.).  Because Noah understands the word "ministry" due to the work we do at the center, I explained to him that to the soldiers who guard the tomb, this is more than a job, more than a career, it's an honor:  this is their ministry.

To all of you who serve:  moms, dads, children:  THANK YOU.  To all of you who have served, THANK YOU.   To all of you who have yet to serve, THANK YOU. May blessings always be abundant for you and your families.

An Open Letter to My Newest Follower: You are a Brave Young Woman

Hi,
I was going to message you on your blog, but I thought there still might be others out there who need to hear this message you and I are sharing.  You are sharing it from the victim's standpoint, I am sharing it from the mother of a victim's standpoint.  Can you tell me please, what is a better term than victim?  Survivor, maybe?  You sound like a survivor to me.  I hope this is okay, I've kind of called you out, without really calling you out.  Maybe another mom or another young person will pick something out of this blog, or follow mine to yours and seek help.  I hope I don't embarrass you, that is not my intent.

First, I want you to know how much I admire you.  You have humbled me and touched my heart.  I'm just a mom on the front lines, but you, you are really on the front lines.  I read your blogs, and yes, you do have quite a bit to say!  I have a feeling you are wise beyond your years.  I am so glad you talked to your mom about what happened to you.  So many young people don't.  I fear what would have happened if Noah hadn't told me and my husband about his problems at school.  With his Asperger's, we're lucky he did.  Even better, I'm so glad she listened to you and believed you.  It's obvious she loves you and wants what is best for you. She even went so far as to move you to a new house, something we were never able to do for our son,  not for our lack of trying.  I still can't send him outside in his own backyard to play without wondering what will happen, so either myself or my husband have to go out with him (and his brother) to keep guard because the bullies live right next door.  He is seldom able to ride his bike in the street, where they dominate, and he can't even walk to my niece's house, which is right around the corner.  We know of other families who have had problems with this family, but no one will stand up to them because of everything that happened to our family when we tried.

Noah's bullying began in kindergarten, almost right away, and the things I could tell you would make your toes curl.  He would get in the car crying every afternoon (at school), refuse to get out of the car in the morning.  The school was no help, the police were no help (the parents were/are part of the problem).  Because the school refused to acknowledge the problem we couldn't move him to another school within the county.  We put our house on the market and began building another house in another county, which allowed us to move Noah to another school in that county.  Unfortunately, our house never sold and we had to move him back.  It was the most difficult day of my life.  We finally moved him to a private school, but after his Asperger's diagnosis, we began homeschooling him.  That was the easiest decision of my life!  :)

I'm sure you've been through the ringer, too.  I tell Noah that God has big plans for him.  Noah is a very sensitive child and wears his heart on his sleeve.  He's going to come out stronger because of all of this and somewhere, somehow, he's going to touch someone's life and make a difference.  Even if he doesn't know it, he will.  I noticed in your blog that your mom said something similar to you as well.  I do believe you are already stronger!  I don't know what the bullies said to you and I don't need to know.  You've already made a difference in one other young lady's life and only God Himself knows how many other young people you've touched with your blogs and videos.  You sound like a smart young woman. You are light years beyond the bullies and even though I don't have the right to be, I'm proud of you for that.  I'm proud of you for being bigger than them.  I'm proud of you not caving to their taunts and awful ways.  Their bullying shows their immaturity; you being able to move on, you being able to help others: That shows your maturity and level-headedness.  That, my dear, shows your awesomeness!

My own faith runs deep and I know that's what gets us through each day.  One day, some day, somehow, justice will be served on Noah's bullies.  I know his bullies need help; they need love, compassion and attention, too.  It helps me understand them a little better, but it doesn't excuse their continued behavior.  Calling the police or social services is not the answer, even though to some people it may sound like it would be.  For us, it would only make matters worse; in our neighborhood, it would be obvious who called them and retaliation is always a worry for us.  When Noah was in school and we tried that tactic, the next day at school was always the worst for him.

We parents do our best to teach our children to be individuals; as, you said, being "you is okay," but then that is why most children are bullied.  So many schools are now giving children diversity training.  My first thought to that was, "Great, let's highlight what's different and make it the problem worse!"  We're trying to teach Noah, because he is different, that it's okay to be different, that it's okay to be himself.  It makes me sad when I see young people who think they need to conform to to society.  I delight in what makes us all individuals and it makes me happy when I see people celebrating that in themselves.  You are correct in your blog, God absolutely does not make mistakes, so why do so many of us humans think He does?  I had a pin that says, "God Don't Make Junk."  It was given to me as a teenager.  I carried it for years in my purse, gave it to Noah at one point, then we displayed it proudly as a family on our kitchen bulletin board until we passed it on to a friend going through a difficult time.

I'm so happy that you are able to smile with all of your heart, after everything you have been through and that you are able to be you.  You are so correct: words do hurt, but words can also heal.

So, here is to those healing words, dear, wise, young lady.  I pray the best for you at your new you school, with your friends, in your home, in your town.  Know that others out there are praying for you, wanting the best for you and others who are being bullied.  There are parents who care and we really are trying to do what we can to make this world a safer place for our children.  And, there are quite obviously young people like you who are doing the same.  My hat is off to you.  Keep up the good, encouraging work.  :)

PS:  Keep talking to your mom.  Don't let that line of communication die, okay?  Even if it's just two words a day, keep talking to her.  She loves you.

Mother Warrior: Anti-Bullying

We removed Noah from public school for many reasons.  One of them was that he was being bullied by our neighbors.  We couldn't get anyone in the school, the school district or the police to give us the time of day.  No one would acknowledge the problem.  If Noah couldn't be safe in his own back yard, he needed to be safe at school (or vice versa).  Our house wasn't selling, so the only other option was to move Noah to a different school.  The things that are coming out from him now about the private school he attended really aren't much better.  Things got better for a little while when he was first there, but things were getting worse for him again before we pulled him this year.  I know I can't teach my son to run every time a situation gets bad, but I really don't know what else to do when people choose to remain ignorant.  As a parent, it's been a very long, incredibly frustrating road.  I can only imagine what it's been like for Noah.  Sometimes he tells me things that make me want to lock myself in a closet where he can't hear me yell, scream and cry in anger and frustration for him.  Other times I want to take him and run further from the world than we already have.

I had the chance to attend an anti-bullying seminar today.  My first impressions were that I was the only one who probably wasn't being forced to be there, I was probably the only non-professional (ie, I'm pretty sure I was the only one there strictly as a mom) and the only person not from a big agency or school (I left eight hours later with pretty much the same impressions).   I felt a little awkward when everyone at my table was introducing themselves, flashing their credentials, claiming to be bored but happy to have a day away from their students, so when it was my turn, I said in the proudest voice I could muster, "I'm a concerned homeschooling mom of two.  We gave up on the school system when our oldest son was routinely bullied and no one would listen."  No one at my table was quite sure what to say to that.....  I have a habit of leaving people speechless sometimes, and not always in a good way.

There were several speakers and many scary facts presented.  We heard from two different school districts today and while one of the plans is honestly a little hokey (peace, love and Kumbya), it WORKS.  It's a system in which even the teachers have to be publicly accountable for their actions and behaviors.  The students are responding well to it and bullying rates are going down.  The second school system has yet to implement their program.  One professor spoke about cyberbullying and honestly, I'm beginning to wonder why I'm still even on the internet after listening to her!  YIKES!  The scariest facts presented were the basics about the bullies and the victims, the impacts the crimes and violence have and the the long-term effects.  Both the Secret Service and the FBI have tried to profile bullies and their victims and while they have a basic idea of what makes up both of them, it's a still a needle-in-a-haystack approach.

As the mom of a child who has been bullied, one of the things that continues to anger me is the misconception that the school shooters are the only problem children, or the primary problem children (please understand I am not excusing their actions.  Their actions must be punished, but let's have a little understanding of where these angry children are coming from.).  I am in no way condoning the actions of the children and teens who take what they consider to be retribution against their abusers; however, after everything we've been through through with Noah, I do sadly understand it.  Many times, these children wouldn't be problems (or problems to this extent) if the bullying problem had been taken care of. Yes, the acts they commit are horrible and terrible.  But the acts committed against them are also horrible and terrible, and they happen day in and day out, sometimes over weeks or months and sometimes even over years (as in our case).  The media loves to point fingers at the children who point the weapons.  I remember very vividly the day Noah told me he wanted to hurt the children who were bullying him.  He then told me that if he couldn't hurt them, he was going to hurt himself, because those were the only two solutions he could think of to end the torture.  He was in second grade.  I remember my frustration and anger with the system I had to fight against.  I still don't know what scared me more: the fact that I actually believed my child or the fact that I couldn't get anyone at the school to believe us/him (yet again).  The following year we moved Noah to private school.  My heart aches for these kids.  When they pull the trigger (start the fight, pull the knife, end their own lives), they see it as a last resort, the only answer:  No one has listened, no one has helped them, no one has stood up for them or with them, they have been turned out on their own.  They want the bullying to stop, they want the pain to end, they want it to be over, and at that point, they don't care how it ends, just as long as it does.  Does this excuse their actions?  No, it certainly doesn't.

The bullies themselves are often victims as well.  Often they are victims in their own homes.  Does that excuse their actions?  No, it certainly doesn't, but it explains a lot about the kids we've dealt with (and are still dealing with).

There are plenty of studies being done on how to help bullies and their victims.  Plenty of projects and anti-bullying programs being implemented across the country.  Some of them seem to be helping. These programs are only as good as the people who back them up and support them, though.  What do you do when the school won't acknowledge the problem?  What do you do when the bully's parents are part of the problem?  Unfortunately, no one had those answers for me today.  Many people have asked us why we don't just move.  We tried that: our house sat on the market for 3 1/2 years, but in this economy, no one is buying a house for what it's worth anymore.  For now, homeschooling Noah (again, for a variety of reasons) and protecting him is the best I can do.

I went today to gather information.  I'm not sure what to do with it yet.  I'm putting together a binder for our center because, as I've mentioned before, we're hearing from other parents that this is a problem and that they are looking for Christian counseling for their children, which isn't readily available.  We're hearing that the schools aren't listening and aren't doing anything to help their children.  We can start building resources to help these children and their parents with the process of healing and the process of learning how to deal with the bullies.  Maybe we can even start reaching out to some of the schools.

Overall, I'm glad I went today.  I was able to gather a lot of valuable resources and I'm doing what is best for my son.

Just In Case You Ever Wonder

Today was my grandfather's burial.  Because it was in Maine, I missed it, as I also missed his funeral.  It's been a lot harder for me than I thought it would be.  I think in some ways it's delayed my healing process, even though it hasn't been anything that anyone could have helped.

I've also been following the news accounts of the tornado in Joplin.  It's an emotional train wreck for me.  I internalize a lot of things and this is one of them.  I have such a hard time with the pain, but I can't stay away from it.  I'm sure some of my friends will soon be responding there once they are finished with Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi.  This is a busy season for disaster responders.  Some day I'll get my turn; is it odd that I want to respond to disasters?  Not in the sense that you might be thinking, the looky-loo sense.  I've trained for it, now I just need the emotional backbone to be able to do it. Until then, I'll sit here in Virginia and pray for everyone's safety.

Tomorrow will have been my mother-in-law's 59th birthday.  She never got to see Shawn and I get married, never got to meet her grandchildren.  I feel blessed that I was able to know her when Shawn and I dated in high school, but I feel gipped when I think about how our sons never got to know her.  She was a wonderful woman, taken from us too soon.

So, to say it's an emotional week would be putting it mildly.  I have to remind myself that God is in all of this somehow.  He is prevailing, as always.  I will heal from my grandfather's death, we will someday heal from the death of my mother-in-law and the families in the mid-west will heal, survive and conquer everything they are going through.  How do I know this?  Because I have faith.

Before bedtime tonight, Avery brought his three books to the chair for me to read to him.  One of them wasn't one of his usuals.  It was Max Lucado's "Just in Case You Ever Wonder."  It talks about how much we, as parents love our children, what gifts they are, how unique God made them and about teaching our children about heaven and God.  My tears caught me off guard, even though they shouldn't have.  My almost-two year old's reaction to my tears caught me even more off guard.  I don't like crying in front of my children, but I couldn't help it tonight.  There was just too much to hold back.  He furrowed his little brow at me, patted my face with his little hand, then rubbed my cheek with his blankie while whispering, "It's okay, Mommy."  Who knew a two year old could not only have such compassion, but know how to show it?  I held him a little tighter, snuggled him a little closer and thanked God for the gift that Avery is to us.  And this is where God prevails in my own little world.

Cat Drama, Car Drama and Kid Drama

If you are in need of a good laugh, then this is the blog post for you!!!  These sorts of things only happen in Left Field....
*Disclaimer:  No kitties, children or cars were hurt in the writing of this blog.  Okay, okay, maybe the cars were hurt a little bit......


Cat Drama
Remember Jethro Jenkins Furr, one of our Left Field Kitties?  Well, he's a year old now, weighing in at 15 pounds.  He's still a nut job (to put it nicely; if I were to not put it nicely, I'd just say he's an idiot) and loving life.  Most days he still tries to tell me he is not meant to be an indoor kitty, but I've won that argument.  He's a good snuggler and still very humanly expressive at times.

Jethro almost had to have exploratory surgery last week (and I'm pretty sure he did not learn his lesson).  Avery brought a balloon home from his playgroup, which Jethro quickly claimed as his own new toy.  He caught the ribbon in his teeth and ran around the house with it.  At first, I thought it was cute.  Then I realized it was a dangerous mistake.  Jethro was eating the ribbon; by the time I got to him (leaping the dining room table--why do we have a dining room table?--shoving the children out of the way--why do we have children?--tripping over the dog--why do we have a dog?), he'd eaten a good 6 inches of it, clipped the ribbon, causing the rest of the ribbon and the balloon to wrap around the ceiling fan in the sunroom.  It all happened with that "NOOOOOO!" feeling of slow motion that you can only watch but can't do anything to stop or control.  I called the vet (I'm thinking, "Stupid cat." She's thinking, "Stupid owner.") and was told to induce vomiting (oh joy) with hydrogen peroxide.  Half a teaspoon (Shawn said, "Did you tell her this is a FIFTEEN POUND CAT?!") down his throat, wait a half hour, then another half teaspoon.  The cat refused to puke, but he did plenty of glaring.  It turned into a game of "wait and see."  Jethro clearly did not feel well and I did not sleep well that night, getting up every time Jethro waddled off the bed to follow him and check on him.  No puke, no poop, but he wasn't twisting in pain or complaining either.  I ended up taking him to "work" with me the next day because I was scared to death of coming home to a dead cat.  Chaplain Liz was so sweet, allowing me to bring him inside as long as he stayed in his carrier.  Naturally, he complained, howling pitifully.  Chaplain Liz left on an errand and my dear little old ladies did their best to convince me to let him out of his carrier!  I gave him 2 tsp of flax oil later that afternoon in the hopes of "encouraging" the process, but to the best of my knowledge, nothing big happened.  Jethro is doing fine now, back to his idiotic self.  I never did find evidence of the ribbon, but I'm just glad it's over!

Oh, and I also managed to rescue the ceiling fan before Shawn came home!  I'm still not sure which he would have preferred, the expense of a new ceiling fan or the expense of feline exploratory surgery!

Car Drama
It never ends.  I'm positive Shawn's car is out to get me, I just know it is.  My mom says I'm giving it too much power, but you know, it's one of them new fancified hybrid 'lectric cars, so you just never know what those things are up to.  We had to swap cars the other day and when I got back to it after having been away from it all day, it locked me out.  No lie, the little button key thing wouldn't work.  By the time I finally figured out how to get the actual key out of the thingamajig and get the door unlocked that way, the car wouldn't start.  Of course, there's no place to put an actual key in this car.  You just have the key on your person (we've been down this road before...), push the button and hope the car likes you.  In this case, the car hates me.  With a passion.  I had to call Shawn to come rescue me from his man-eating car.   Don't worry, I kicked the tires a few times before he got there (and yes, this time I had the right car!). Turned out, the car had been left on all day, by SHAWN, when he had come out to pump the tire up for me, so the battery had died.  And when the battery dies in these cars, you can't get in, you can't get out, can't get anywhere.  We couldn't even figure out how to get in the trunk (no keyhole...) to get to the battery.  This is where I'd like to thank God for blessing us with Asperger's.  We turned Noah loose in the car and he found the anti-kidnapping latch on the inside, popped it from there.  :)  

Later, Shawn was backing my jeep out of the garage and took the refrigerator out with the fender flare.  I now have a nice little wrinkle in my bumper.  He was able to pop the fender flare back in, thank goodness.  This is the 3rd fridge to have an accident in our garage.  Not sure if this was Freudian on his part or not.....


Kid Drama
And what would one of my posts be without a Noah story?!  Incomplete!

I still forget how literal Noah is.  I'm not sure I will ever learn this lesson.   On some of my more frazzled days, I have, on occasion, threatened to leave my children on the side of the road.  I would never actually do that; the threat alone seems to do the trick.  Coming home from the grocery store the other day was one such occasion.  Unfortunately, it was also a day I had to make an "emergency landing" on the side of the road right after making such a threat.  Oops.  Avery's car seat straps became uncomfortably twisted and he started screaming, then he started struggling with the straps, making them more twisted.  There really isn't a safe place to pull over on the highway I was traveling, so when I found a place, I had to quickly slam on the brakes and just pull over.  I looked in the rear view mirror just in time to see the look on Noah's face: "Oh no, she's lost it.  We've done it now.  She's really gonna leave us on the side of the road!"  Before I could get two words out to explain what was happening and what I was really doing, he started crying and begging me, "I'm so sorry we're being bad!  Please at least leave us with your phone so we can call Daddy or the police to come get us!"  Well, there goes my Mother of the Year Award again this year.....

A Spur of the Moment Day Out With the Boys

I had to drive into the "city" today for a doctor's appointment.  My doctor is not far from Shawn's office, so we had lunch with him.  During lunch, Noah asked if we could go to the Air and Space Museum.  For those of you who don't know me, or haven't already surmised this, I'm not a spur of the moment mom.  I started thinking about what waited for us when we arrived home and realized we had nothing to rush home for, though.  Avery would fall asleep in the car, accomplishing only an hour nap on the ride home, it was due to rain and we would be cooped up in the house with a grouchy toddler, a grumpy mommy and a hyper ten year old.  Not really a good mix.  I knew I actually had cash in my wallet (for the parking fee) for a change, I had the stroller in the car and everything else I needed for an afternoon excursion, so everyone's jaws dropped when I said, "Sure, let's go!"  Noah gave me a quick hug and the requisite "You're the best mom EVER!" accolades (those feel good, especially after being the worst mom EVER the day before!).  We returned Shawn to work and off we went.

I'm really glad I listened to Noah because we had a great time before we even got out of the car.  I loosened the reigns and let Noah be his Aspy self.  He amazed me by showing me just how smart he is.  I know my kid is smart, but I still have those "Wow, my kid is really smart" moments.

Noah is notorious for his "I have a question!" moments in Scouts.  Never fails, every single field trip and event, Noah has a ton of questions.  I know, it's how kids learn.  But what we are trying to teach Noah is that if he will allow the guides/leaders to finish their tours--to finish their sentences--chances are good his questions will probably be answered.  Well, he didn't disappoint me today, either!  Not even 10 seconds into the elevator trip up to the observation deck, as the dear grandfatherly docent was giving his speech, Noah blurted out, "I have a question!"  I tried to smile apologetically to the other people on the elevator, then hung my head.  A dear older lady patted my arm and said, "Asking questions is good.  Foster that in him.  I can tell he's a smart boy."  If she only knew.  Once on the observation deck, I allowed him to run (within limits) while I read the little informative billboards to him and Avery.

Clear for take off!

It was at this time that another little boy caught my eye and I began to wonder, "Aspergers?" and I noticed that Noah had caught his mom's eye, too.  We moms worked our way towards each other and eventually we were standing next to each other.  She whispered to me, "Aspergers?"  I whispered back, "Yep. Yours?"  She nodded her head.  It's funny how I can recognize it so easily in other children but was able to deny it in my own for so many years.  

Back on the elevator, back to exploring.  Avery was thrilled with the many airplanes hanging from the ceiling, all of them lined up by row on the floor.  Noah's favorite is the SR-71 Blackbird (thank you, Transformers).  As we walked up and down the aisles, he would call out, "That's the --, that one is the --, that's the ---," and give me rundown on each of them, no matter if it was a jet/airplane, a missile, a gun or weapon of some sort, whatever.  He did this all without ever stopping to read any of the little information blurbs in front of each one.  I had to double-back each time with Avery, read the blurbs and see if he was correct.  Duh, of course he was!  This child reads non-stop and will read about anything and everything. He memorizes all of it, knows it by rote.

When we reached the space exploration wing, Noah became very frustrated with me.  He was trying to describe something with legs that lands on the moon and does such-and such.  He wanted the name for it, "You know Mom--the THING!"  He wasn't just frustrated with me, he was frustrated with himself and I sensed a meltdown approaching.  I could see yet another grandfatherly docent out of the corner of my eye watching us with amusement, thinking, "Come on, please don't let me down!  Get over here and please tell me you know what he's talking about!"  Finally sensing he was needed (or seeing the look of panic on my face?!), he approached with his big binder of information and picturing, asking if he could be of assistance (boy, could he ever!).  Noah described the thing with legs again and we learned it is a Lunar Landing Module. Whew, crisis averted!  He and Noah then carried on a ten minute conversation as this wonderful gentleman shared his knowledge with Noah and Noah shared his with him.  After we thanked him, as we were leaving, the man asked me how old my son is and said he was impressed with Noah's knowledge, "Ma'am, how does he know all of this?  You have a REALLY smart kid on your hands."  Second time today I've heard that!  I shook his hand and said, "Thank you, sir.  He reads a lot and is homeschooled.  I appreciate your encouragement, you have no idea how much it means."

Back in the parking lot, we found an econoline van with several car seats and booster seats in it parked next to our jeep.  I laughed when I saw the bumper sticker.  Pretty sure the driver has a good sense of humor.

Avery did finally get his nap on the 2 hour, "rush hour" drive home.  He was wiped by the time we left.

 Listening to Noah tell Shawn and my mom about our excursion tonight, I realized that even though he was flitting all over the place while I was reading off all the information boards to him, he was still taking in all the information.  He still does the same things you and I do, he just does them differently.  When will I ever learn that?

I had a great, spur of the moment time with my boys today, even in left field, and I have the memories to prove it.  I'm so glad I listened to Noah, my wise little boy.

Setting Priorities

Okay, I admit it, I'm stealing the idea for this post from a dear friend's blog post.
Her post spoke right to my heart.  She was talking about the differences between things she has to do, wants to do and needs to do, prioritizing those things and spending more time with her family.  Can I just say:  WHOA?  How did she know the raging argument between my brain and my heart lately?  
Hehehehe....  Maybe because it's been raging between her own heart and brain?!

I started this blog last week on an entirely different note.  I was talking about how I need to cut back on my activities and concentrate more on my family.  Since then, I've realized that I really enjoy doing things for others and it is my lifeblood.  Doing things for others makes me happy, takes the focus off what's going on (wrong) with my life and helps me keep moving.  Serving others is how I serve God.  I love serving others and I love serving God.  I think I do need to cut back, but not with what I love doing.  Some things aren't negotiable:  our Monday night meals with my best friend and her boys is one of them that isn't. Helping my friends with their kids is another one that isn't.  Cooking meals for families in need is slightly negotiable, depending on their need.  Other things will be scrutinized. I still need to prioritize better, get back to basics and put my family first better.  I need to remember who I am, who my children are and who my husband is.  If I don't want to do it or don't have time for it, I'm going to say no, no matter who is asking (okay, that will be a little more difficult than said....).    If it's going to stress me out, NO.  If it's worth it, YES.  If God wants me to do it, YES.  I'm also telling myself that I'm going to stop feeling the need to give explanations and reasons if I need to say no.  Okay, we'll see how this goes!

This weekend was a big weekend.  One of the older Scout boys whose family has had a difficult year, made Eagle!  It was a big moment for this young man, his whole family, for the whole Troop and for all of us who have helped them through it.  I love helping get ready for the Eagle ceremonies--it gets me all teary and excited for getting Noah ready for his.  I take Noah with me and require him to help out, hoping that it will get him excited, too.  When my best friend texted me Friday night, explained how overwhelmed she was feeling in helping with this organization thing, could I please help out, this blog that I was in the middle of writing was the first thing I thought of.  She and I are both in the middle of horrible pain flares and it never crossed my mind to say no to her.  

Anyway, back on track....  I decided to leave the original post...  Maybe it will help someone else and some of it still applies....
I have never been able to say no.  I am a people pleaser, so if someone asks me to do something, I jump at the chance to help out, dive in or get involved, even if I don't want to, don't have time or it's not my thing.  I also have a Type A Personality (you're laughing--why?!) and that has never allowed me to admit when I can't do something.  I also suffer from that "If I don't do it, who will do it?" fear.  I'm trying to be better about it, but I am notorious for overbooking myself.  My family ultimately suffers for it.  My stress load increases, I get snippy and things go south.  Lately, my own plate is so full and I'm learning that the more I take on for others, the more of a chance I take that I will drop my plate.  If I drop it (when I drop it....), my family will suffer even more.  Why am I placing the needs of others before the needs of my own family?  This doesn't mean I need to be selfish, it only means I need to learn to prioritize better.

I unfairly scheduled last Saturday, this Saturday and next Saturday to be busy working without even consulting Shawn first.  It's not that I need to ask his permission, but I really should have talked with him.  He'll have the boys all day long and have to take both of them to Noah's social skills therapy.  It was rude and unthoughtful of me.  What if he had something he wanted to do?

A friend of mine recently seriously injured herself.  I haven't spoken with her in several months, but my first thought was to call and offer housecleaning, childcare and a meal.  I realized that a meal is not even within my means right now.  And housecleaning?  I just paid to have to my own house cleaned! How can I watch her toddler if I'm teaching Noah while chasing my own toddler?  I realized my best means of support for her right now are phone calls and prayer.  I'm so proud of myself for recently giving up the Awards Chair for our Scout Pack (of course, I sloughed it off onto another mom whose plate is just as full as my own.... Oh, the guilt!).  I deleted my Facebook account (and took up blogging....  oops....) several months ago because it was taking me away from my family.  I'm feeling the pull to be "Alabamy-bound" with my friends I trained with who are deploying for the disaster relief efforts, but I know now is not my time.  I could name numerous other things I do that really don't need me to do them.  I'm exhausting myself helping others and I have nothing left to give my family at the end of the day.

I need to get back to basics, back to my family.  I need to look at my To-Do List and decide which among all of these things are Have To Do, Need To Do and Want To Do (unfortunately, on this particular list, they are all absolutely Need To Do's and Have To Do's!).  Which among these are things I want to do and which among these are things God is calling me to do?  Which among these will cause my family to suffer?  Then I need to start crossing things off my list.

I am a homeschooling mom of two.  I have a child with special needs who needs my attention right now and needs to be taken to doctor's appointments and therapy appointments.  Avery needs his playgroup because he needs to be around other children his age.  I have a volunteer job that I love that needs my attention.  I have a husband who needs me.  I have God taking me in the direction of Parent Education.  I have my own health to consider.  I have to remember to take care of myself, socialize myself and do thing I love to do.  I don't want to neglect those who are in need, but I need to stop neglecting my family and my other duties.