Just In Case You Ever Wonder

Today was my grandfather's burial.  Because it was in Maine, I missed it, as I also missed his funeral.  It's been a lot harder for me than I thought it would be.  I think in some ways it's delayed my healing process, even though it hasn't been anything that anyone could have helped.

I've also been following the news accounts of the tornado in Joplin.  It's an emotional train wreck for me.  I internalize a lot of things and this is one of them.  I have such a hard time with the pain, but I can't stay away from it.  I'm sure some of my friends will soon be responding there once they are finished with Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi.  This is a busy season for disaster responders.  Some day I'll get my turn; is it odd that I want to respond to disasters?  Not in the sense that you might be thinking, the looky-loo sense.  I've trained for it, now I just need the emotional backbone to be able to do it. Until then, I'll sit here in Virginia and pray for everyone's safety.

Tomorrow will have been my mother-in-law's 59th birthday.  She never got to see Shawn and I get married, never got to meet her grandchildren.  I feel blessed that I was able to know her when Shawn and I dated in high school, but I feel gipped when I think about how our sons never got to know her.  She was a wonderful woman, taken from us too soon.

So, to say it's an emotional week would be putting it mildly.  I have to remind myself that God is in all of this somehow.  He is prevailing, as always.  I will heal from my grandfather's death, we will someday heal from the death of my mother-in-law and the families in the mid-west will heal, survive and conquer everything they are going through.  How do I know this?  Because I have faith.

Before bedtime tonight, Avery brought his three books to the chair for me to read to him.  One of them wasn't one of his usuals.  It was Max Lucado's "Just in Case You Ever Wonder."  It talks about how much we, as parents love our children, what gifts they are, how unique God made them and about teaching our children about heaven and God.  My tears caught me off guard, even though they shouldn't have.  My almost-two year old's reaction to my tears caught me even more off guard.  I don't like crying in front of my children, but I couldn't help it tonight.  There was just too much to hold back.  He furrowed his little brow at me, patted my face with his little hand, then rubbed my cheek with his blankie while whispering, "It's okay, Mommy."  Who knew a two year old could not only have such compassion, but know how to show it?  I held him a little tighter, snuggled him a little closer and thanked God for the gift that Avery is to us.  And this is where God prevails in my own little world.