Mother's Day

I celebrated my 10th Mother's Day today. 

It really didn't get off to a good start (it got off to the usual Aspergian start), but we decided on the way to church to wipe the slate clean and start over.  It ended up being a good day.  Shawn and the boys did their best to treat me like a queen and make me happy (which they try very hard to do most days!).  I look at the two boys I've been blessed with here on Earth, I think about my baby in heaven, I think about my prayers for another child and I know how blessed I am.  Sometimes I forget that.

But some days motherhood is just downright hard.  Some days, I hear something brewing down the hallway as I stir in my bed, trying to wake up and I don't want to get up.  I just don't want to do it.  Some days it's unrewarding.  Some days, when I don't get the warm fuzzies from Noah, when I don't get the feeling that I'm doing everything I can for him, I wonder and I worry that I'm doing it all wrong.  Today started off this way.  I have to do this, though.  I have a family who counts on me.  I'm accountable for these children.  I don't get a choice, I just do these things.  And at the end of the day, I realize I wanted to do this after all.  And I think maybe I'm not messing up too badly after all.   I love these children more than life itself.  They are the most important gifts I will ever receive on this Earth and I must treat them as such.  They have been entrusted to me for only a time and in that time, it's up to me to impart as much knowledge and love as I can upon them.


Our pastor's message today was based off Gary Smalley's book For Better or For Best.  In accordance to Mother's Day, he talked about the six Inner Beauty Qualities that Gary Smalley addresses in his book.  First though, Pastor Nick talked about the difference between a buffalo and a butterfly (which isn't part of the book, but Shawn and I had such a laugh over it, I had to put it in here).  Even though Pastor Nick was going in the direction of the husbands in the relationships being the buffalos, the wives being the butterflies and how we both temper each other, Shawn and I had a good giggle over it because we are both buffalos!  There are no butterflies in this household....  


Okay, back to Gary Smalley and his book...  The six Inner Beauty Qualities are Courage, Persistence (Shawn has always called this nagging.  I'm SO relieved Pastor Nick set him straight this morning!), Gratefulness, Calmness, Gentleness and Genuine Love.  I've got Persistence down to a science; I'm working on my Courage, Gratefulness and Genuine Love.  Calmness and Gentleness?   Hmmm.  Those need a lot more of prayerful work.  My dear husband told me I have them down better than I realize.  Have I mentioned lately how much I love him and how grateful I am for him?  As for Calmness and Gentleness, I tend to think of myself as the tornado in the middle of the hurricane with some major thunderstorms thrown in for good measure.


Pastor Nick also addressed the task of Motherhood, using 2 Timothy 4:5-8 as an example.  He talked about Motherhood as a ministry, mothers as evangelists.  Wow, I think I've thought of it that way sometimes, but never really thought of it that way before, if that makes sense.


Last week was National Teacher Appreciation Week (stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this).  Our local radio station had listeners call in and talk about their favorite teachers.  One woman called in and talked about her mom.  When no one else would listen and when her teachers wanted to give up, her mom realized she had dyslexia.  Her mom started taking classes at the local community college so she could help her, she started tutoring her at home and helped her daughter all the way through college.  I hope and pray that someday Noah will look back and see this is what Shawn and I have done for him.  I don't think he quite 'gets' it right now.  I know he doesn't.  That's the part that makes this difficult.  I know and feel as though I'm doing the right thing, but when I don't receive confirmation from him, I wonder.  Being Noah's mom is hard.  Being Avery's mom is easy.  I want my children to look back and know that I ran the race for them as their mom, that I did my best.  I want to be able to say that I fought the good fight, kept the faith and gave my children everything I have.  I want to know that I have chosen to encourage my children, to build them into men of God, to build them into future leaders, men who will be good husbands and great daddies.  I want my children to know that I have chosen to favor them above anyone else.  I want to know that I set an example as a Christian parent and when they choose a wife, they choose a virtuous woman based off the examples I have set.  I want them to love and prefer their wives and their children because their mom loves and prefers them. I want to know that my children have seen me exhibit the six Inner Beauty Qualities to the best of my ability. 


And now, I must go courageously, PERSISTENTLY, gratefully, calmly, gently and with genuine love, ask my husband to take the trash out....  Again.....  :)

2 Timothy 4:5-8: "But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.  For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have the faith.  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. " (NIV)