Setting Priorities

Okay, I admit it, I'm stealing the idea for this post from a dear friend's blog post.
Her post spoke right to my heart.  She was talking about the differences between things she has to do, wants to do and needs to do, prioritizing those things and spending more time with her family.  Can I just say:  WHOA?  How did she know the raging argument between my brain and my heart lately?  
Hehehehe....  Maybe because it's been raging between her own heart and brain?!

I started this blog last week on an entirely different note.  I was talking about how I need to cut back on my activities and concentrate more on my family.  Since then, I've realized that I really enjoy doing things for others and it is my lifeblood.  Doing things for others makes me happy, takes the focus off what's going on (wrong) with my life and helps me keep moving.  Serving others is how I serve God.  I love serving others and I love serving God.  I think I do need to cut back, but not with what I love doing.  Some things aren't negotiable:  our Monday night meals with my best friend and her boys is one of them that isn't. Helping my friends with their kids is another one that isn't.  Cooking meals for families in need is slightly negotiable, depending on their need.  Other things will be scrutinized. I still need to prioritize better, get back to basics and put my family first better.  I need to remember who I am, who my children are and who my husband is.  If I don't want to do it or don't have time for it, I'm going to say no, no matter who is asking (okay, that will be a little more difficult than said....).    If it's going to stress me out, NO.  If it's worth it, YES.  If God wants me to do it, YES.  I'm also telling myself that I'm going to stop feeling the need to give explanations and reasons if I need to say no.  Okay, we'll see how this goes!

This weekend was a big weekend.  One of the older Scout boys whose family has had a difficult year, made Eagle!  It was a big moment for this young man, his whole family, for the whole Troop and for all of us who have helped them through it.  I love helping get ready for the Eagle ceremonies--it gets me all teary and excited for getting Noah ready for his.  I take Noah with me and require him to help out, hoping that it will get him excited, too.  When my best friend texted me Friday night, explained how overwhelmed she was feeling in helping with this organization thing, could I please help out, this blog that I was in the middle of writing was the first thing I thought of.  She and I are both in the middle of horrible pain flares and it never crossed my mind to say no to her.  

Anyway, back on track....  I decided to leave the original post...  Maybe it will help someone else and some of it still applies....
I have never been able to say no.  I am a people pleaser, so if someone asks me to do something, I jump at the chance to help out, dive in or get involved, even if I don't want to, don't have time or it's not my thing.  I also have a Type A Personality (you're laughing--why?!) and that has never allowed me to admit when I can't do something.  I also suffer from that "If I don't do it, who will do it?" fear.  I'm trying to be better about it, but I am notorious for overbooking myself.  My family ultimately suffers for it.  My stress load increases, I get snippy and things go south.  Lately, my own plate is so full and I'm learning that the more I take on for others, the more of a chance I take that I will drop my plate.  If I drop it (when I drop it....), my family will suffer even more.  Why am I placing the needs of others before the needs of my own family?  This doesn't mean I need to be selfish, it only means I need to learn to prioritize better.

I unfairly scheduled last Saturday, this Saturday and next Saturday to be busy working without even consulting Shawn first.  It's not that I need to ask his permission, but I really should have talked with him.  He'll have the boys all day long and have to take both of them to Noah's social skills therapy.  It was rude and unthoughtful of me.  What if he had something he wanted to do?

A friend of mine recently seriously injured herself.  I haven't spoken with her in several months, but my first thought was to call and offer housecleaning, childcare and a meal.  I realized that a meal is not even within my means right now.  And housecleaning?  I just paid to have to my own house cleaned! How can I watch her toddler if I'm teaching Noah while chasing my own toddler?  I realized my best means of support for her right now are phone calls and prayer.  I'm so proud of myself for recently giving up the Awards Chair for our Scout Pack (of course, I sloughed it off onto another mom whose plate is just as full as my own.... Oh, the guilt!).  I deleted my Facebook account (and took up blogging....  oops....) several months ago because it was taking me away from my family.  I'm feeling the pull to be "Alabamy-bound" with my friends I trained with who are deploying for the disaster relief efforts, but I know now is not my time.  I could name numerous other things I do that really don't need me to do them.  I'm exhausting myself helping others and I have nothing left to give my family at the end of the day.

I need to get back to basics, back to my family.  I need to look at my To-Do List and decide which among all of these things are Have To Do, Need To Do and Want To Do (unfortunately, on this particular list, they are all absolutely Need To Do's and Have To Do's!).  Which among these are things I want to do and which among these are things God is calling me to do?  Which among these will cause my family to suffer?  Then I need to start crossing things off my list.

I am a homeschooling mom of two.  I have a child with special needs who needs my attention right now and needs to be taken to doctor's appointments and therapy appointments.  Avery needs his playgroup because he needs to be around other children his age.  I have a volunteer job that I love that needs my attention.  I have a husband who needs me.  I have God taking me in the direction of Parent Education.  I have my own health to consider.  I have to remember to take care of myself, socialize myself and do thing I love to do.  I don't want to neglect those who are in need, but I need to stop neglecting my family and my other duties.