The Peanut Butter and Fluff

I'll tell you, this one flowed a lot better in my brain at 3 am than it has on 'paper' the past two days I've tried to write it.

In about 14 weeks, Avery will officially be the middle child.  This is something I've really stressed over--while it's become obvious to us in the past few months that he was always meant to be the middle child, and he always has been, I'm really worried about the middle child cliche.  I don't want that for him.  I don't want the so-called Middle Child Syndrome to become part of his identity, personality, attitude and behavior.  And really, someone please explain to me why we put so much emphasis on birth order anyway??? I can remember learning about birth order in Intro to Psych and laughing because my sister and I had our roles reversed.  I should've done my senior thesis on this subject rather than mainstreaming.

As the lone extrovert of the family, Avery is already the proverbial black sheep.  This fact currently doesn't seem to phase him, as he seems to be very unaware of it. But I don't want those to become his identifiers as he grows and possibly does become more aware.  I do want him to be proud of his differences, and embrace them, using his talents the way God intends.  I want him to be proud of how God designed him. I don't want him to become the stereotypical middle child: stuck in the middle, hating life, sullen, convinced the world is against him.  I want him to be able to rejoice in who he is, and where he falls in the family. God has always meant for him to be right in the middle!  There is a reason for this.  I want to be able to integrate his differences into the family, weaving them into our own differences, nurturing them into strengths.

He has so many amazing qualities--Avery is charismatic, excitable, happy, goofy, silly, bubbly, imaginative, eager, fun, and so many other things.  Just by smiling, he makes others smile. His giggly, hearty laughter is downright infectious! I mean really, look at that happy little face up there in that picture. He is passionate for Jesus (when he gets into what we call 'southern baptist minister' mode...  ohhhh boy!), and for his age, he really does love to do chores--he likes being helpful. I don't want any of that to be overshadowed.  He was made to love, and to be loved.  He is his own person, (thinks he) answers to no one, and is a true people person.  These are all the things that make him Avery, and make him unique.  These are all the things (and more) I love about him.  All of 'this'--this is who Avery is, not that middle child nonsense. This is what I want to concentrate on with him.

Both of us being the youngest, Shawn and I will not be able to identify with Avery's birth order very well.  Both of us also being introverts, we have even less in common with our child. We really have to be intentional about connecting with him. *Side note* This is where knowing your child's love language really comes in handy.

In the meantime, Shawn and I have also realized that while we have very little in common with our five year old, there is one thing we do have in common--we are the black sheep of our own families.  It's ironic, considering how straight-laced and conservative we are, but those are the very things that do make us the black sheep.  We've also realized that Avery has a lot to teach us, by being so different from us. He was chosen for us in order to shake things up!  Rather than trying to conform him to the style of everyone else in the family--and why would we do that?--we need to learn how help him grow where he is, as he is.  I think this will be one of our strengths as Avery's parents.

In doing our best to not make a big deal out of the middle child situation, I'm afraid that's what we have inadvertently been doing.  We have avoided using the phrase "middle child" at every turn.  We've referred to him as our five year old, and as just Avery.  It's funny to hear myself say "My oldest, and my five year old."  In dancing around it, we've pointed directly to it.  We've told him he's got the best of both worlds, as the big brother and the little brother.  We've been calling him the peanut butter and fluff, with Noah and Baby E being the slices of bread.  He's what holds them together!  Ugh.  That's a lot of pressure to put on a five year old, Amy.  He is so excited to be a big brother, asking me every day how much longer until he gets to meet Baby E, practically demanding to be part of all the shopping and preparation ("I'm the big brother, that's my job!"), eager to talk to, and feel his little brother move around, telling me all the things he's going to teach Baby E when he arrives.  I know he will be a wonderful big brother!  He's already a terrific brother!

Many parents I've spoken with have told me that as long as they haven't made a big deal out of it, their middle children haven't even realized there is a stigma, or cliche, to being the middle child. The trouble is--I know there are people who will make a big deal out of it.  As hard as we try as parents, there is always that one person who brings it up, that one person who wants to make an issue out of a non-issue. I know this from past experience. These are not the people I want speaking in my child's life.  So, how do we avoid that?  How do I handle it when it does happen?  I don't have the answers now, so I'm really praying for divine intervention when it does happen!  I know that much of this falls on myself and Shawn.  How we present, or don't present, who he is, will ultimately be reflected in his attitude towards himself, his brothers, us, and life in general.

Soo.... Wish us luck!